. 


'HI      .EPHANT   CLUB, 


w 

AUTHOK 


DO 

Cl 


ITS      COMPLETE 

v    A  M  n 


R  n  Q 


P.B. 

ITCHES  AND 


Complete     in    two     volume*,,  p.-aper  cover,    Price     One    Dollnr;    or 
bound  lu  cloth,  for  One    Dollar   and  Twenty-Five  Cent*. 


Copies  will  be  sent  Free  of  Postage,  on  receipt  of  the  price,  addressed  to    i 
the  Publishers,  T.  B.  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS, 

3OO  Chestnut   Street,  Philadelphia 


THE 

WITCHES  OF  NEW  YORK, 

A     FAITHFUL 

REVELATION  AND  EXPOSITION   OF   THE  DOINGS    OF  ALL  THE  PRIN 
CIPAL  ASTROLOGISTS,   SORCERESSES,  PROPHETS,   CLAIRVOYANTS, 
WITCHES,    AND   OTHER   VOTARIES    OF    THE   BLACK   ART 
IN  THE  CITY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

BY   Q.  K.  PHILANDER  DOESTICKS,  P.B. 

AUTHOR    OF    '« DOESTICKS'  LETTERS,"  "PLU-KI-BUS-TAH,"    "ELEPHANT  CLUB." 


Complete    in    two    volumes,   paper    cover,    Price    One    Dollar)    or 
bound  in  cloth,  for  One  Dollar   and  Twenty-Five  Cents. 

3d  to 

',""•& 
_&c? 


Copies  will  be  sent  Free   of  Postage,  on  receipt  of  the  price,  addressed  to  , 
e  Publishers,  T.  B.  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS, 

306  Chestnut  Street,  Philadelphia 


For  explanation  see  last  page. 


PLU-RI-BUS-TAH, 


A  SONG  THAT'S  BY  NO  AUTHOR; 


A  DEED  WITHOUT  A  NAME. 


BY 


Q.  K.  PHILANDER  DOESTICKS,  P.B. 

OP  "DOESTICKS'  LETTERS,"   "THE  ELEPHANT  CLUB,"   "THE 


This  hook  contains  an  unlimited  quantity  of  hits  at  every  body,  of  which  every 
one  must  good-naturedly  take  his  share,  to  pay  for  the  privilege  of  laughing  at  his 
neighbors.  Embellished  with  One  Hundred  and  Fifty-Four  Illustrations,  by  John 
McLenan.  As  a  History  of  the  country  this  book  is  invaluable,  inasmuch  as  it  notices 
a  great  many  events  not  mentioned  by  Bancroft,  Hildreth,  or  Prescott.  As  a  Novel 
it  is  unapproachable,  for  it  contains  several  characters  unknown  to  Cooper,  Dickens, 
Marryatt,  or  Bulwer.  As  a  Mythological  Work 'it  should  be  immediately  secured, 
as  it  makes  mention  of  a  number  of  gods  and  deified  worthies  hitherto  unknown  to 
old  Jupiter  himself.  As  a  Poem,  its  claims  to  consideration  cannot  be  denied,  as  it 
comprises  a  great  many  beauties  not  lucov?rable.in  the,  "Song  of  Hiawatha,"  be 
sides  several  Indian  names  jfftgLc&V&rl  therein  emitted. 


T.    B.    PETERSON    AND    BROTHERS, 
306    CHESTNUT    STREET. 

' 


Entered  »ccording  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1856,  by 
LIVERMORE    &    RTJDD, 

n  Uw  Clerk'a  Offlc*  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  Stete*,  for  th«  Southern 

District  of  New  York. 


Ian  alien. 


Doretgi,  ge  GlJitor.  from  gp  original  Skrtcf),  on  ge  nortr)  SfOf  of 
SaruOorc,  facrg  scarce  anti  fa.'rg  correct. 


IF  the  Author  comprehends  this  production, 
it  is  not  a  tragedy. 

He  supposes  it  to  Lc  an  inconsistent,  imprac 
ticable,  irreconcilable,  paradoxical,  trochaical  ro 
mance  ;  wiih  a  couple  of  ridiculous  heroes  whose 
existence  is  undeniable,  and  whose  final  departure 
was  unintentionally  tragic  ;  also  a  batch  of  im- 

M178631 


iv 


EXPLANATION. 


possible  heroines  created  for  this  occasion  only, 
and  who  are  unceremoniously  disposed  of. 

The  characters  were  imagined  by  "  DOE- 
STICKS/'  by  whom  also  the  facts  were  invented, 
and  the  principal  events  fabricated. 

The  illustrations  were  interpolated  by  JOHN 
M'LENAN,  who  holds  himself  personally  respons 
ible  therefor. 


mucf)  ttsp«trtj  Artist,  from  2*  5fcefrf)  tjj  JJemfcrantrt. 


CONTENTS. 


Mftl 

EXPLANATION 3 

THE  AUTHOR'S  APOLOGY 9 

INTRODUCTION 13 

I. 
THE  PIPE,  AND  WHO  SMOKED  rr 2t 


II. 

CAME,  AND  WHERE  HE  CAME  FROM 40 


III. 

FIGHT  NUMBER   ONE — WHO  WHIPPED,  WHO  DIED,  AND  HOW 
MANY  BAN  AWAY  .  .    60 


IV. 

FIGHT  NUMBER  Two — How  MANY  BOUNDS,  AND  WHO  COULD  N'T 
COME  TO  TIME    .  .    63 


CONTENTS. 


V. 

A  FREE-LOVE  MARRIAGE 


VI. 

THE  GATHERING  OF  THE  CLANS — WHAT  THEY  WENT  TO  WORK 
AT,  AND  HOW  MUCH  THEY  GOT  A  MONTH 80 

VII. 

How  THE  HERO  DID  A  GREAT  MANY  THINGS,  AND  WHO  HELPED 

HIM 93 

VIII. 
A  SINGLE-HANDED  GAME  OP  BRAG 104 

IX. 
WHAT  A  WOMAN  DID    .         106 


X. 

WHAT  THE  HERO  WORSHIPED 114 

XI. 

FIGHT  NUMBER  THREE,  WITH  VARIATIONS 122 

XII. 

MATRIMONIAL  ENDEARMENTS — FIGHT  NUMBER  FOUR.    .    .    .  130 


CONTENTS.  VU 


XIII. 

PAGB 

A  COMPROMISE,  AND  WHAT  CAME  OP  IT 141 


XIV. 

How  A  WOMAN  GOT  HER  SPUNK  UP,  AND  LEFT  THE  COUNTRY  141 

XV. 

THE  CONSEQUENCES — MOTHER  AND  Cmu-D  BOTH  DOING  WELL.  156 

XVI. 

HE  CONTINUES  HIS  STUDIES — HlS  PROGRESS 169 

XVII. 

HE  STILL  CONTINUES  HIS  STUDIES — HlS  FURTHER  PROGRESS    .   115 

XVIII. 

WHO  DIED,  AND  WHAT  THEY  DID  WITH  HIM 184 

XIX. 
FUNEREAL  AND  SOLEMN     .    »    .     , 189 


XX. 

A  MARRIAGE,  AND  WHAT  CAMS  OP  IT 195 


CONTENTS. 


XXI. 

PAG» 

FAMILY  JARS,  AND  A  DEPARTURE    ..........  202 


XXII. 

SPIRIT  RAPPINGS  AND  SPIRIT  DRINKING  MIXED     .....  210 

XXIII. 

WHAT  HE  DID  N'T  —  WHAT  HIS  MOTHER  DID,  AND  WHERE  SHE 
WENT  TO  .  .  219 


XXIV. 

CUFFEE  TRIUMPHANT — AN  UNEXPECTED  SMASH — DEMOLITION  OP 

THE  HERO  .  245 


KEFUSE  to  apologize. 

When  I  began  this 
work,  I  assumed  the  right 
to  distort  facts,  to  muti 
late  the  records,  to  belie 
history,  to  outrage  com 
mon  sense,  and  to  speak 
as  I  should  please,  about 
all  dignitaries,  persons, 

,  ,  .., 

places,  and  events,  with 
out  the  slightest  regard  for  truth  or  probability, 

I  have  done  it. 

I  intended  to  compose  a  story  without  plot, 
plan,  or  regard  for  the  rules  of  grammar,. 

I  have  done  it. 
2 


r  THE   AUTHOR'S    APOLOGY. 

I  intended  to  write  a  poem  in  defiance  of 
precedent,  of  prosody,  and  of  the  public. 

I   have   done   it. 

I  intended  to  upset  all  commonly  received 
ideas  of  Chronology,  and  to  transpose  dates, 
periods,  epochs  and  eras,  to  suit  my  own  con 
venience. 

I  have  done  it. 

I  intended  not  only  to  make  free  with  the 
heathen  Gods,  and  to  introduce  some  of  them 
into  our  modern  "  Best  Society,"  but  also  to 
invent  a  mythology  of  my  own,  and  get  up 
home-made  deities  to  suit  myself. 

I  have  done  it. 

I  intended  to  slaughter  the  American  Eagle, 
cut  the  throat  of  the  Goddess  of  Liberty,  an 
nihilate  the  Yankee  nation,  and  break  things 
generally  ;  and  I  flatter  myself  that — I  have 
done  it. 

If  you    are  discontented   with    the    story — if 


THE     AUTHOR'S     APOLOGY.  XI 

the  beginning  does  not  suit  you — if  the  middle 
is  not  to  your  taste — if  you  are  not  pleased 
with  the  catastrophe — if  you  don't  like  my  dis 
position  of  the  characters — if  you  find  fault  with 
my  imaginative  facts — if  you  think  the  poetry 
isn't  genuine — if,  in  fact,  you  are  dissatisfied 
with  the  performance,  you  had  better  go  to  the 
doorkeeper  and  get  your  money  back,  for,  I  re 
peat  it,  I  refuse  to  apologize. 

What   are   you   going   to  do  about  it  ? 


compiler  IcabtUj  QC  people 
to  satbfji  tfjcmselues. 


9  x  t  r  t  ft  x  t  ti  *  x. 


Sutfjor  maftctf)  fjfs  33  a  to  to 
in  sc  33acfefirounlJ 


"0  MY 


****    ****   MT  UNCLE." — Shakspeare. 


Kon-committal  applause  by  the  curious  reader,  who  don't 

know  what  to  expect.     Enter,  to  slow  music,  the  author, 

f  solus  and  seedy.     In  the  distance  are  seen  the  nine  muses, 

smoking  short  pipes,  and  eating  peanuts.     They  encourage 


adv 


INTRODUCTION. 


the  bashful  poet  by  telling  him  to  "  Q-o  in,  Lemons  1"  (The 
good-natured  public  will  also  imagine  the  lemons.)  Thus  en 
couraged,  he  speaks  as  follows : 


ON'T    you  ask  me,   whence 
this  burlesque ; 


rcbrrrtJ  zinfc  mucfj 
rcsprrtctJ  13  uric. 


Whence   this   captious   fabrication, 
With   its  huge  attempt  at   satire, 
With  its  effort   to  be   funny, 
With  its   pride   in    Yankee   spirit, 
With  its  love   of  Yankee  firmness, 
With  its   flings  at  Yankee   fashions, 
With  its   slaps   at  Yankee  humbug, 
With  its  hits  at  Yankee  follies, 


INTRODUCTION".  XV 

And  its   scoffs   at   Yankee   bragging, 
With  its  praise  of  all  that's  manly, 
All  that's  honest,  all  that's  noble, 
With  its  bitter  hate  of  meanness, 
Hate  of  pride  and  affectation. 
With  its  scorn  of  slavish  fawning, 
Scorn  of  snobs,  and  scorn  of  flunkies, 
Scorn  of  all  who  cringe  before  the 
Dirty  but  "  almighty  dollar  ?" 

Don't  you  ask — for  I  shan't  tell  you, 
Lest  you,  too,  should  be  a  Yankee 
And  should  turn  and  sue  for  libel, 
Claiming  damage — God  knows  how  much. 

Here  the  faint-hearted  author  vanishes  in  a  tremulous  flour 
ish  of  coat-tails,  and  "  Doesticks,"  appearing,  learnedly  dis 
courses  as  follows: 

Should  you  ask  me  where  I  found  it  ? 
Found  this  song,  perhaps  so  stupid, 
Found  this  most  abusive  epic  ? 
I  should  answer,  I  should  tell  you 


XVI  INTRODUCTION. 

That  "  I  found  it  at  my  Uncle's," 
"Number  one,  around  the  corner/' 
In  a  paper,  in  a  pocket, 


2e  ®Uttor,  ttsro&mtf)  gc  original  £8,8.    g*  mud)" 
SUncle 


In  a  coat,  within  a  bundle, 
Tied  up,  ticketed  and  labelled, 
Labeled  by  my  careful  "  Uncle  ;" 
Placed  within  a  cozy  recess, 
On  a  shelf  behind  a  curtain. 
Here  I  found  this  frantic  poem  ; 
And  "  my  Uncle,"  kind  old  "Uncle," 
Told  me  that  the  hard-up  author, 
One  day  borrowed  two  and  sixpence    ' 


INTRODUCTION. 

On  this  coat,  and  on  this  bundle. 
Months  had  flown,  and  still  the  author 
Hadn't  yet  redeemed  his  pledges, 
Hadn't  paid  the  two  and  sixpence. 
So  "my  Uncle,"  dear  old  "Uncle," 
Kind,  accommodating  "Uncle," 
Sold  to  me  this  precious  bundle, 
And  this  poem  lay  within  it. 

This  is  where  I  got  this  epic, 
Epic  pawned  for  two  and  sixpence. 
But,  where  is  the  hard-up  author? 
Whether  writing,  whether  starving, 
Whether  dead,  or  in  the  almshouse, 
I  don't  care — nor  does  the  public. 

If,  still  further,  you  should  ask  me, 
"Who  is  this  dear  noble  ' Uncle?' 
Tell  us  of  this  kind  old  '  Uncle ;'" 
I  should  answer  your  inquiries 
Straightway,  in  such  words  as  follow : 

"In  the  Bowery  and  in  Broome  street, 
3 


xviii  INTRODUCTION. 

Neighbor  to  the  fragrant  gin-shop ; 
In  a  dark  and  lonesome  cellar 
Dwells  the  Hebrew — dwells  'my  Uncle/ 
You  can  tell  his  habitation 
By  the  golden  balls  before  it. 

"  Here  <  my  Uncle/  kind  old  '  Uncle/ 
Dear,  disinterested  '  Uncle/ 
Sits  and  sings  his  '  song  of  sixpence/ 
*  Sixpence  here  fur  every  farthing, 
Every  farthing  that  I  lend  you 
You  shall  soon  return  me  sixpence : 
And,  that  by  the  risk  I  lose  not, 
Ere  I  lend  you  dimes  or  dollars, 
You  shall  bave  a  hundred  values 
Of  the  money  which  you  borrow  ; 
Which,  if  you  don't  pay  my  sixpence, 
Shall  be  forfeit  then  forever. 
Sixpence  here  for  every  farthing, 
Every  farthing  pays  me  sixpence/ 

"Here  the  painters  bring  their  pictures, 


INTRODUCTION.  XIX 

Precious,  beautiful  creations  ; 
Bring  them  to  my  kind  old  f  Uncle/ 
He  to  cherish  native  talent, 
And  enqourage  home-bred  genius, 
Gives  the  artist,  on  his  pictures, 
Half  the  first  cost  of  the  canvas. 
And  the  author  takes  his  poem, 
Which  has  cost  him  months  of  labor ; 
On  which  he  has  poured  his  life  *  out — 
Takes  it  to  my  kind  old  <  Uncle/ 
Who,  to  cherish  native  talent, 


\-_-N: 

isrttsts,  s£  iEustttans,  antj  jie  "ccftB  ^ubltrft  bisits  ge  firucfioltnt 


Gives  him  what  the  ink  has  cost  him, 
What  the  ink  with  which  he  wrote  it. 

*  By  "  life"  the  author  docs  not  mean  autobiography, 


INTRODUCTION. 

"But  the  poet  and  the  painter 
Are  Americans,  and  natives 
Of  the  land  which  leaves  them  beggars. 
That's  the  reason  why  they're  starving — • 
Why  they  need  'my  Uncle's'  sixpence.* 


2$c  successful  Ipoet  anti  se  prosperous  fainter. 

This  is  how  this  naughty  poem 
Once  was  cup  a  spout'  in  Broome  Street — 
This  is  all  about  'my  Uncle'^- 
Good-by,  f  Uncle' — go  to  thunder." 

*  The  native  poet  and  the  native  painter  are  a  couple  of  native 
jackasses.  If  Muggins's  poem  won't  sell,  let  him  Frenchify  him 
self,  and  become  "  Chevalier  Muggins"  or  "  Monsieur  de  Mogyns ;" 
and  if  Dobbs  can't  find  a  market  for  his  picture,  let  him  trans 
mogrify  himself  into  an  Italian,  and  call  himself  "  Signor  Dob- 
boni,'*  and  both  will  find  customers  enough.  If  Miss  Donovan, 
the  Irish  songstress,  can't  make  her  music  pay  expenses,  she  adds 
an  "  i"  to  her  Celtic  cognomen,  and  straightway  as  "  Signorina 
Donovani,"  she  creates  a  sensation.  Vide  Hist.  Ital.  Opera,  every 
volume  within  the  memory  of  man. 


INTRODUCTION.  XXI 

Ye,  who  love  to  scold  your  neighbors, 
Love  to  magnify  their  follies, 
Love  to  swell  their  faults  and  errors, 
Love  to  laugh  at  other's  dullness, 
Making  sport  of  other's  failings — 
Buy  this  moilsrn  Yankee  fable ; 
Buy  this  song  that's  by  no  author. 

Ye,  who  love  to  laugh  at  nonsense, 
Love  the  stilted  lines  of  burlesque, 
Want  to  read  a  song  historic, 
Want  to  read  a  song  prophetic, 
Want  to  read  a  mixed-up  story 
Full  of  facts  and  real  transactions, 
Which  you  know  are  true  and  life-like — 
Also  full  of  lies  and  fictions, 
Full  of  characters  of  fancy 
And  imaginary  people,, 
Buy  this  home-made  Yankee  fable ; 
Buy  this  song  that's  by  no  author. 


XXU  INTRODUCTION. 

Ye,  who  want  to  see  policemen, 
Roman  heroes,  modern  Bloomers, 
Heathen  gods  of  every  gender, 
News-boys,  generals,  apple-peddlers, 
Modern  ghosts  of  ancient  worthies, 
Editors,  and  Congress  members 


Conjjresaman,  se  fflTOttor,  jt  (Kfjogt  of  ge  lamented  Camlet,  tit.,  ftr. 

With  their  bowie-knives  and  horsewhips, 
Saints  and  scoundrels,  Jews  and  Gentiles, 
Honest  men  of  ancient  fable, 
With  historic  modern  villains, 
Jumbled  up  in  dire  confusion, 
Dovetailed  in,  at  once  regardless 
Of  all  place  or  date  or  country ; 


INTRODUCTION. 

Making  such  a  curious  legend 
As  the  world  has  never  read  of; 
Headless,  tailless,  soulless,  senseless, 
Even  authorless  and  foundling — 
Buy  this  modern  Yankee  fable, 
Buy  this  song  that's  by  no  author. 

Ye,  who  sometimes  in  your  rambles 
Through  the  alleys  of  the  city, 
Where  the  smell  of  gas  escaping, 
And  the  odors  of  the  gutters, 
And  the  perfume  of  the  garbage, 
And  the  fragrance  of  the  mud-carts 
Don't  remind  you  of  the  country, 
Or  the  redolence  of  roses  ; 
Pause  by  some  neglected  book-stall, 
For  awhile  to  muse  and  ponder 
On  the  second-hand  collection : 
If  you  find  among  the  volumes, 
Disregarded,  shabby  volumes, 
One  which  answers  to  our  title, 


INTRODUCTION. 

Buy  it  here  and  read  hereafter- 
Buy  this  modern  Yankee  fable, 
Buy  this  song  that's  by  no  author. 


pu&licfc  totstobrotl)  ae  Volume 


it; 


WITH  ALL  THE  PARTICULARS 


Sugttcr  cnjogcti)  ^tmselfc  fattfj 
pipe  anu  gf  latest  nciu0. 


the  ancient 
heathen  heaven, 
On  a  side  hill  called  Olympus, 
Mister  Jupiter,  the  mighty, 


28  A    CELESTIAL    BREAKFAST. 

With  his  wife  and  all  his  children, 
With  his  Juno  and  the  "babies, 
Sat  one  morning  eating  breakfast. 
On  his  feet  he  had  his  slippers, 
On  his  lap  he  laid  his  napkin, 
In  his  hand  he  held  the  paper, 
Looking  at  the    "  City  Items  ;" 
To  his  lips  he  raised  the  buckwheat 
Pancakes,  dripping  with  molasses — 
To  his  lips  he  raised  the  coffee, 
Throwing  back  his  head  celestial, 
Opening  wide  his  jawbones  godlike, 
Showed  the  winding  pathway  for  it, 
Saying  to  it — "  Kun  down  this  way." 

From  a  shelf  within  a  closet, 
Taking  down  his  pipe  of  comfort, 
With  its  bowl  of  yellow  meerschaum, 
With  its  stem  of  india-rubber, 
And  its  mouth-piece  made  of  ivory  ; 
Filled  the  bowl  with  best  tobacco, 


JUPITEK    SUBMISSIVE.  29 

Breathed  upon  a  lump  of  charcoal, 
Till,  in  flames,  it  burst  and  kindled— 
Then,  in  meek  obedience  to  that 
Superstition  of  the  ladies, 
That  tobacco  scents  the  curtains, 
Mister  Jupiter,  the  mighty, 
As  a  signal  to  the  kitchen  , 

That  he  had  devoured  his  breakfast, 
And  they  might  wash  up  the  dishes, 
Walked  out  doors  into  the  woodshed, 
There  to  smoke  his  pipe  of  comfort. 


r 

3upiter,  s*  terrible,  smofcctfj  SE  iElccrsdjaum  in 


In  the  woodshed,  on  the  slop-pail, 
In  his  slippers  and  his  shirt-sleeves  ; 


30  WHAT    THE    INDIANS     DID  N'T    SEE. 

With  cne  leg  across  the  other 

In  the  style  of  Mrs.   Bloomer, 

At  the  Woman's  Eights  Convention, 

Mister  Jupiter  sat  smoking  : 

And  the  smoke  rose  fast  and  faster, 

As  he  sat  there  puffing,  puffing, 

Like  a  furious  locomotive — 

A  celestial  locomotive. 

First  a  single  line  of  darkness, 

Then  a  denser,  bluer  vapor, 

Ever  rising,  rising,  rising 

Till  it  touched  the  roof  above  him, 

And  rolled  outward  through  the  chink'  -holes, 

But  the  nations  did  n't  see  it. 
And  the  Indians  could  n't  see  it, 
Or  the  warriors  wouldn't  see  it, 
If  they  did,  they  did  n't  mind  it. 
They  had  other  things  to  look  to. 
For  the  Delewares  and  Mohawks, 
All  the  Shoshonies  and  Blackfeet, 


WHAT    JUPITER    DID    SEE.  21 

All  the  Pawnees  and  Omawhaws, 
With  their  squaws  and  their  pappooses, 
Had  their  hunting  grounds  deserted, 
To  attend  a  grand   convention, 
Bed  republican  mass-meeting, 
Which  you'll  find,  described  in  detail, 
In  the   "  Song  of  Hiawatha." 
Hiawatha  gave   them  tickets 
Over  all  the  lakes  and  rivers, 
So  they  all  went  free,   as  deadheads. 

Through  the  window  of  the  woodshed, 
Through  the  smoke  so  thick  and   solid, 
Through  his   spectacles   so   clouded, 
Through  his  little  kitchen-garden, 
Through  the  shadows  of  the  beanpoles, 
Mister  Jupiter,  the  mighty, 
Saw  a  maiden  coming  toward  him. 

To  his  feet,  at  once,  he  started — 
Threw  the   slop-pail  in  a  corner, 
Threw  his  spectacles  far  from  him, 


52  WHAT    HE    DID. 

Threw  his  pipe  into  the  ashes, 
Threw  his   slippers   through  the  window — 
Through  the  smoke,  and  through  the  doorway, 
Through  the  alley,  through  the   garden, 
He  went  rushing  forth,  to  meet  her. 

Then  and  there  he  met  and  kissed  her, 


Supfter, 

Then  and  there   he  long  embraced  her, 
Looking  backward   toward   the   kitchen, 
Trembling  lest    his  wife   should  see  him. 
Little  fear  of  that,   however, 
For  his  spouse  was  in   the  parlor, 
With  her  hair  put  up   in  papers, 
With  her  feet  in  ragged  slippers, 


WHO    THE    LADY    WAS.  83 

With  a  torn  and  dirty  dress  on, 
Studying  the  latest  fashions. 

Who  then,  was  this  stranger  maiden  ? 
Who  was  this  pedestrian  female  ? 

Hear  ye  !  hear  ye  !  patient  reader : 
This  fair  lady  was  a  goddess, 
Dressed  in  deerskin  shoes  and  leggins, 
Dressed  in  wampum,  beads,   and  feathers— 
Quite  a  quisby  looking   goddess, 
Still  a  goddess  without   question. 
Miss  America  her  name  was, 
And  she  used  to  live  in  heaven, 
In  the   ancient,  heathen  heaven, 
Till  she  had  a  "  muss"  one  evening, 
Had  a  little  row  with  Juno, 
And  was  forced  to  leave  those  "diggins.** 

Jupiter  on  earth  had  placed  her — 
Made  her  ruler  of  the  nations, 
Made  her  mistress  of  the  redskins, 

Queen  of  all  the  tribes  of  warriors : 
5 


84  SAVAGE    COOKERY. 


\ 

> 

Jg*  gtntlf  Stnm'ca  fjabrtf)  a  slt'gfjt  BiCKcuIta  fat'tfj  jjr 


Made  her  queen  of  all  the  country, 
All  the  continent  so  mighty, 
Which  was  named  from  her  cognomen, 
Named  America,  the  glorious.  * 

For  awhile  her  reign  went  smoothly, 
And  her  amiable  subjects 
Shot,  and  killed,  and  scalped  each  other, 
Boasted,  broiled  and  stewed  each  other 
With  most  excellent  good-nature, 
To  her  utmost  satisfaction : 

*  There  is  a  ridiculous  story  that  this  country  was  called  America 
from  one  Amerieus  Vespucius,  a  foreigner,  and  a  papist.  The 
friends  of  "  Sam"  will,  undoubtedly,  feel  much  obliged  to  the  author 
for  his  vindication  of  the  fair  name  of  the  continent 


A    WOMAN'S    COMPLAINT.  35 

Then  she  liked  their  sports  and  pastimes, 

Much  enjoyed  her  situation. 

But  she  now  returned  to  heaven, 

Seeking  Jupiter,  the  mighty. 

What  she  came  there  to  complain  of, 

What  she  said,  and  what  she  wanted, 

You  shall  hear  if  you'll  be  patient. 


2f*  fafcortte  antt  innocent  pastimes  of  g*  gentle  Salfcagw. 

Mister  Jupiter,  the  mighty, 
Quick  returning  to  the  woodshed, 
On  his  lap  took  up  the  lady, 
Bade  her  tell  him  all  her  story. 
Thus  she  spake,  with  tears,  and  sobbing, 
"All  the  Indians  whom  you  gave  me, 


36  DITTO,    WITH    VARIATIONS. 

Have  cleared  out  and  left  the  country. 
When  the  poet,  Henry  Wadsworth, 
Wrote  the  song  of  Hiawatha, 
He  took  all  my  Indian  subjects, 


8*  6wo  raparfoua  f^enrg  atrtwcts  ae  Salbagea  from 
2f  fctactmsolate  "America. 

All  my  pretty,  playful  warriors, 
With  their  toys,  the  knife  and  war-club, 
With  their  pretty  games  of  scalping, 
And  their  pleasant  sports  of  roasting, 
And  their  other  torture-pastimes, 
Took  them  all  to  make  a  book  of. 


SAME    SUBJECT    CONTINUED.  37 

All  the  Indians  have  departed, 
All  the  land  is  now  deserted ; 
In  it  there  is  not  a  warrior, 
Not  a  squaw,  pappoose,  or  puppy; 
Nothing  left — save  Indian  summer — 
He's  got  all  my  Indians  somewhere." 
Speaking  thus,  she  put  her  finger 
In  her  mouth,  as  little  children 
Always  do  when  grieved  and  troubled, 
Then  began  to  sob  and  blubber. 


speafcttfj  foit!)  muclj  $rofuntotta  to  se  inquiring 

Mister  Jupiter,  the  mighty, 
In  his  arms  then  took  the  maiden, 
Talked  to  her  in  tones  endearing, 


88  JUPITEE    CONSOLES    THE    LADY. 

Talked  to  her  in  tender  accents, 
Talked  to  her  as  human  mothers 
Do  to  peevish  human  babies. 
"Don't  it  cry,  the  darling  Ducky, 


Cnwrfcs,  iefnjj  mtu$  affectei,  fctpetf)  fjer  nasal  ©rflan  foftfj  a'  Bprow. 

Henry  Wadsworth  sha'rit  abuse  it : 

It  shall  have  some  pretty  playthings. 

Let  the  naughty  Henry  Wadsworth 

Have  the  ugly,  nasty  Indians, 

For  his  song  of  Hiawatha, 

You  shall  have  some  handsome  white  men, 

From  across  the  boundless  ocean, 

Who  shall  be  your  pets  and  playthings. 

Dry  its  eyes  now,  Ducky  dearest, 

Kiss  papa,  and  then  run  homeward." 


SHE    VANISHES  39 

Then  the  maiden  stopped  her  crying, 
Wiped  her  nose  upon  her  apron, 
On  her  spotted  doeskin  apron ; 
Kissed  old  Jupiter,  the  mighty, 
Slyly,  so  his  wife,  so  jealous, 
Shouldn't  find  it  out  and  scratch  him — 
Then  ran  hack  to  earth  to  wait  for 
The  fulfillment  of  the  promise. 
And  old  Jupiter,  the  mighty, 
As  he  sat  upon  the  slop-pail, 
Looking  through  the  unwashed  window, 
Saw  her  vanish  through  the  garden, 


Jupifcr,  ae  mucfi  reapectrtj,  fcftneaset^  ae  Btparturt  of  j* 
America. 

Through  the  shadows  of  the  bean-poles, 
Through  the  clouds  of  smoke,  ascending, 
Kising  from  his  pipe  of  comfort. 


II. 


tame,  attir  to|m  1*  ramt  torn. 


the  sea-shore  stood  the 


tfluribustaf,  jie  mBtie  Ulrro 


Stood  America,  the  Goddess, 
Swearing,  in  good  Bowery  English, 
Fearful  oaths  of  direst  vengeance  — 
Vengeance  on  the  recreant  Indians, 


A    STUMP    SPEECH.  41 

Vengeance  on  the  painted  redskins, 
Vengeance  on  them  "all  and  several, 
From  the  burly,  bowleg  chieftain 
To  the  puling,  bowleg  baby. 

Thus  ran  her  soliloquizing — 
(Minus  all  the  execrations), 
"  Traitor  Injun  !  you're  a  blackguard, 
Thus  to  leave  a  'love  lorn  woman,' 
Leave  an  'unprotected  female* 
To  the  mercy  of  the  wildcats. 
When  the  poet,  Henry  Wadsworth, 
Has  sold  out  his  last  edition 
Of  the  song  of  Hiawatha, 
He  will  have  no  more  of  Injuns ; 
He  will  send  you  trooping  homeward. 
Then,  when  you  approach  these  borders, 
I  will  give  you  such  a  welcome, 
Such  a  welcome  as  you  read  of. 
When  the  white-man  comes — the  pale-face, 
In  his  great  canoe  with  pinions, 


42  THREATS    OF    VENGEANCE. 

From  the  regions  of  the  morning, 
From  his  home  across  the  ocean, 
I  shall  tell  him  all  the  story, 
Story  of  the  Injun  blackguards. 
He  shall  burn  your  towns  and  wigwams, 
He  shall  plow  your  grounds  of  hunting, 
He  shall  fell  your  woods  and  forests, 
Slay  your  weakened,  warring  nations, 
Drive  them  westward  to  the  river, 
Drive  them  westward  to  the  ocean ; 
Feast  his  dogs  upon  your  corpses, 
Make  your  bones  up  into  toothpicks, 
Into  fine-tooth  combs  and  tooth-picks. 


Koot&piclu. 


OPPOSITION    INDIANS.  43 

I  will  show  him,  in.  the  country, 

Things  that  you  have  never  thought  of, 

You  red  rascals  never  dreamed  of. 

He  shall  make  this  wide-spread  country 

Such  a  cultivated  country, 

That  you  red-skins  will  be  ' nowhere/" 

Thus  this  young,  sweet-tempered  maiden 
Paced  along  the  sandy  sea-shore, 
Waiting  for  the  coining  pale-face ; 
Talking  to  the  absent  Injun, 
Swearing  at  the  blackguard  "Injun," 
Shaking  both  her  fists  in  anger 
At  the  "Injun,"  and  at  Henry 
Who  had  "cabbaged"  all  her  "Injuns" 
For  his  song  of  Hiawatha. 

For  across  the  bouncing  ocean, 
On  a  self-conceited  Island, 
Dwelt  the  tribe  of  Pil-grim-fath-us. 
Strong  were  they  in  pluck  and  courage, 
Strong  were  they  in  bone  and  sinew, 


44  THE    PILGRIM    MARTYRS. 

Strong  were  they  in  nerve  and  muscle, 
Strong  were  they  in  will  and  firmness, 
Strong  in  stanchness  and  reliance  : 
But  they  always  came  out  strongest 
On  the  question  of  Keligion. 
They  had  their  peculiar  notions 
Of  the  future  state  of  mortals ; 
Had  their  own  ideas  of  Tophet, 
Had  their  own  ideas  of  Satan ; 
Differing  from  the  other  churches. 
So  the  opposition  Christians 
Tried  to  turn  them,  and  convert  them 
To  the  opposition  doctrines — 
Tried  to  drive  them  into  heaven, 
By  a  path  which  did  not  suit  them. 
So  they  had  to  leave  the  country, 
And  as  martyrs,  injured  martyrs 
Persecuted  sea-sick  martyrSj 
In  a  big  canoe — the  Mayflower — 
Sculled  themselves  across  the  ocean, 


WHO    THE     BOSS    PILGKIM    WAS.  45 

Beached  their  place  of  destination, 
Landed  on  the  rocky  sea-shore. 


pmwutrti  $tlflrim  JFaatyus  cross  ae  terrible  ocean  to  ae  twfc  €«unttU. 

Chief  among  these  seedy  martyrs, 
Chief  of  these  amphibious  martyrs, 
Of  the  tribe  of  Pil-grim-fath-us ; 
First  at  prayer,  at  praise,  at  dinner, 
Was  the  captain,  Pluri-bus-tah. 

He  it  was  who  held  the  painter, 
Held  the  painter  of  the  yawl-boat ; 
He  it  was  who  held  the  boat-hook, 
Standing  in  the  foremost  yawl-boat; 
He  it  was  who  dropped  the  painter, 
He  it  was  who  dropped  the  boat-hook, 
He  it  was  who  left  the  yawl-boat, 


46  THE    BOSS    PILGRIM    LANDS. 

Jumped  up  to  his  waist  in  water, 
Wetting  both  his  boots  and  breeches, 
Waded  through  the  floating  sea-weed, 


of  a*  ffwte  gtlgrfm. 


Braving  all  the  crabs  and  lobsters, 
Struggled,  screeching,  sprawling,  straddling, 
Splurging,  spattering  and  splashing, 


EXIT    OF    THE    GODDESS.  47 

Till  he  stood  on  solid  gravel — 
Stood,  the  first,  upon  the  sea-shore. 

Here  America  received  him 
With  a  complicated  court'sey, 
Showed  him  the  surrounding  country, 
Showed  him  all  the  wide-spread  country, 
Led  him  all  about  the  country, 
Gave  him,  ere  she  parted  with  him, 
Quit-claim  deeds  of  all  the  country ; 
Then  she  left  him  in  possession, 
And  went  off  about  her  business. 

What  her  business  was,  don't  ask  me  • 
Where  she  went  to,  do  not  ask  me  ; 
How  she  got  there,  do  not  ask  me ; 
When  she  died,  or  whom  she  married, 
I  don't  know  ;  so  don't  you  ask  me. 
Off  she  went,  and  left  him  standing 
There  upon  the  sandy  sea-shore ; 
And  the  setting  sun  was  shining 
On  his  black  and  seedy  breeches, 


48  SOLILOQUY    OP    THE    HEEO. 

Fastened  at  his  knees  with  ribbons, 
On  his  shoes,  with  silver  buckles, 
On  his  hat,  so  tall  and  steeply, 
Like  the  Tribune's  news  reporters : 


ge  correct  ants  authentic  portraits  of  ge  Ekporttrs  of  &  SCrtbuni. 

And  the  sun  continued  shining, 
Poured  its  golden  rays  upon  him, 
To  baptize  the  new  born  nation, 
Wouldn't  go  to  bed  and  leave  him, 
Till  it  saw  the  country's  christening. 
Thus  spoke  Pluri-bus-tah,  solus, 
"  Glorious  country  !   new  found  country ! 
Country  yet  unknown  and  nameless  ! 
I  will  call  you — I  will  name  you 


THE    CHRISTENING.  49 

From  myself,  your  future  master— 
From  my  cognomen  euphonic. 
Hail !  thou  land  of  Pluri-bus-tah  ! 
Reign  here  ever;  Pluri-bus-tah ! 


America  fra&cktf)  tofoarfc  smn-toofott 
ta  $te  otou  rcCccttcns. 


III. 


Jfigftt  rafter  0w — tejo 
mans 


Salvages. 

HUS  the  tribes  of  Pil-grim  fa- 

thus 

Left  their  native  mother  country, 
In  their  big  canoe,  with  pinions, 


ADVANTAGES  OF  THE  COUNTRY.      51 

And  were  borne  across  the  ocean, 
To  the  land  of  Pluri-bus-tah — 
Found  a  land  to  preach  and  pray  in3 
With,  no  opposition  Christians 
Who  would  bother  or  disturb  them. 

Here  was  freedom  of  opinion, 
Here  was  liberty  of  action. 
Here  they  might  kneel  down  in  prayer, 
On  the  sand,  and  on  the  gravel, 
On  the  sea-weed  and  the  clamshells, 
Till  these  last  testaceous  relics 
Cut  their  breeches  into  tatters. 
They  appreciated  freedom, 
And  they  liked  their  new-found  country ; 
So  they  straight  began  to  clear  it, 
Fit  it  for  a  nation's  cradle, 
For  their  children's  home  hereafter. 
Following  their  sturdy  captain, 
Brawny,  stalwart,  Pluri-bus-tah, 
They  went  forth  into  the  forests, 


52  HIS    TWO     FRIENDS. 

Forth,  into  the  hills  and  mountains, 
Doing  Pluri-bus-tah's  bidding, 
Doing  just  what  he  commanded. 

Pluri-bus-tah  took  his  coat  off, 
Took  his  tall  and  steeply  hat  off, 
Rolled  his  shirt-sleeves  to  his  elbows, 
Took  his  friends,  the  Ax  and  Rifle, 


As  his  aids  to  tame  the  country: 
For  the  Indians,  returning 
From  the  Hiawatha  meeting, 
Now  began  to  give  him  trouble, 
And  to  fill  his  wide  dominions. 


ROMANTIC    INDIANS.  53 

Fierce  and  cruel  were  these  red  men: 
Hiawatha's  deadhead  tickets 
Only  thither  paid  their  passage, 
Thither  to  his  great  convention  ; 
And  the  disappointed  warriors 
Had  to  work  their  passage  homeward^ 
They  were  therefore  very  savage. 
Very  ugly  were  these  red  men, 
Clothed  in  furs,  and  skins  and  feathers, 
Armed  with  tomahawks  and  war-cluhs, 
Scalping  knives,  and  bows  and  arrows, 
Also  other  dire  inventions, 
Which  at  present  I  can't  think  of. 

Mr.  Cooper  says  these  red  men 
All  were  daring,  brave,  and  noble, 
Frank,  and  honest,  open-hearted, 
Gentlemanly,  proud,  and  stylish  ; 
All  were  tall,  and  straight,  and  handsome, 
Handsome,  marriageable  warriors  ; 
So  that  all  romantic  maidens, 


54  SENTIMENTAL    YOUNG    LADIES. 

Who  read  Mr.  Cooper's  novelc, 
And  the  song  of  Hiawatha, 
Think  how  nice  'twould  be  t<">  marry 
With  some  noble  Indian  Chieftain — 
Live  with  him  upon  the  prairies, 


3£e  JSalbage  of  romaunce. 

Live  with  him  within  the  forest, 
Sleep,  at  night,  beside  his  camp-fire, 
And  have  little  Indian  babies. 

Pluri-bus-tah,  found  them  different 
None  of  Mr.  Cooper's  heroes 
In  his  neighborhood  resided ; 


INDIANS  AS   THEY  ABE.  £5 

But  the  red  men  Pluri-bus-tah 
Found  upon  his  timbered  country 
Were  not  all  attired  in  feathers 
Feathers  of  the  screaming  Eagle; 
Were  not  handsome  as  he-angels, 
Nor  as  honest  as  they  should  be ; 


2g*  riflfct  natural  Salbag?  from  nature. 

But  they  dressed  in  dirty  breech-clouts; 
Striped  their  noble  faces  over 
With  vermilion  and  red  ochre, 
TiU  they  looked  like  Dr.  Watsoir '» 
Temple  of  the  « Holy  Zebra." 

And  these  same  romantic  red  men 
Stole  all  Pluri-bus-tah's  whiskey, 


56       fLURIBUSTAH   AEGUES   WITH   HIS   FOES 

Stole  his  guns,  and  stole  his  horses ; 

And,  besides  these  little  foibles, 

Had  an  inconvenient  fashion 

Of  igniting  all  his  wigwams ; 

Boasting,  in  the  flames,  his  women, 

While  they  killed  and  scalped  his  children, 

Pluri-bus-tah  didn't  like  it, 

So  he  thought  that  he  would  coax  them; 

Coax  these  red,  romantic  Indians 

To  depart  and  leave  the  country 

Free  to  him  and  his  descendants. 

And  our  hero  brought  such  reasons, 

In  his  argument,  to  back  him, 

And  his  words  were  so  persuasive, 

And  his  reasons  so  convincing, 

That  the  red  men  all  departed, 

Save  a  number  of  the  boldest, 

Biggest,  ugliest  of  the  chieftains, 

Who  had  reasons  for  remaining. 


BEFOKE   WITNESSES, 


®i)e  reason  tofts  ae  ^al&ages  remained. 

Liberty,  another  Goddess, 
Roaming,  with  her  sister  Justice, 
Through  the  land  in  search  of  pleasure^1 
From  a  distance  saw  this  meeting ; 
Came  and  sat  upon  the  corner 
Of  a  rail-fence  round  a  corn-field : 
Bringing  also  her  relation, 
Who  sat  on  the  fence  beside  her. 

As  these  amiable  ladies 
Sat  upon  the  nearest  angle 
Of  the  worm-fence,  close  together, 
Young  Miss  Liberty  reached  over 
To  Miss  Justice,  who  was  blindfold ; 
Lifted  from  her  eyes  the  bandage, 


58   SPEECHES   BY   THE  FEMININE  DELEGATION. 

So  she,  too,  could  see  the  pastime. 
Then  they  clapped  their  hands  together, 
Cheering  on  the  valiant  hero. 
"  Give  the  red  men  Goss  !"  said  Justice  ; 
Give  them  fits,  brave  Pluri-bus-tah  ! 
Take  your  stand  in  yonder  forest, 
Where  their  arrows  can  not  hit  you, 
Where  their  tomahawks  can't  hurt  you, 
Where  their  scalping-knives  can't  reach  you. 
Thence,  in  safety,  you  can  shoot  them, 
With  your  rifle  you  can  kiD  them  " 


tooft  at  5*  JFif$t. 


Liberty  the  cry  re-echoed  : 
"  Give  the  red  man  Goss  !"  she  told  him  ; 
"Drive  him  westward  from  the  forest, 


CONCLUSION    OF    THE    AKGUMENT.  59 

Drive  him  westward  from  the  prairie, 
Drive  him  westward  to  the  mountain, 
Drive  him  westward  to  the  ocean, 
Then  beneath  the  waves  submerge  him. 
Chase  him  from  his  grounds  of  hunting, 
Chase  him  from  his  father's  ashes, 
Chase  him  west,  with  fire  and  fagot, 
Chase  him  into  the  Pacific. 
Give  him  Goss  !  for  he's  no  business, 
Business  none,  to  be  an  Injun," 

Pluri-bus-tah,  thus  encouraged, 
Soon  persuaded  all  the  warriors 
To  depart  and  leave  his  clearing; 
Then  he  turned,  to  ask  the  ladies 
To  the  house  to  get  some  hoe-cake ; 
But  they  both  had  started  homeward, 
Having  had  enough  of  pastime. 

When  our  hero  had  possession 
Of  the  land,  for  which  he'd  argued 
With  the  red  men  in  the  forest, 


60         BEGINNING  OF  THE  SEQUEL. 

Straightway,  he  commenced  his  business, 
Set  to  work  to  right  the  blunders, 
Which  Dame  Nature  'd  fallen  into, 
When  she  first  laid  out  the  country: 
For  this  lady's  first  arrangements 
Didn't  suit  his  views  exactly. 
So  he  chopped  the  forest  trees  down, 
Then  he  cleared  the  rotting  stumps  off, 
Then  he  filled  the  mountain  dales  up, 
Then  he  bored  the  mighty  hills  through, 
Thus  he  altered  all  the  landscape, 
Just  to  suit  his  Yankee  notion. 

On  the  mountain  streams  built  saw-mills, 
Then  he  dragged  the  lofty  pine-trees, 
Evergreen,  and  moaning  pine-trees, 
Trees  which  crowned  the  crag  and  mountain, 
Emerald  coronal  of  mountain, 
Pride  of  the  primeval  forest, 
Glory  of  the  tangled  forest, 
Mighty  giants  of  the  wild-wood, 


PLY-TIME. 

Towering,  vegetable  giants. 
With  a  hundred  arms  to  battle, 
Battle  with  the  mighty  Storm- Wind  ! 

These  the  valiant  Pluri-bus-tah, 
Armed  with  ax,  went  out  to  conquer. 
Eound  their  roots  he  made  his  ax  fly 
Bound  his  head  he  made  the  chips  fly; 
On  his  breeches  made  the  pitch  fly, 
While  the  horse-fly,  and  the  gad-fly 
Made  his  pious  oaths,  like  mad,  fly. 


61 


fjoto  fje  cuttctfj  $?  matte  2Tr«. 

Pluri-bus-tah,  persevering, 
Laid  the  giants  low  before  him, 
Dragged  them  to  his  cruel  sawmill. 


62  WHAT    THE    PEOPLE     DID. 

Sawed  their  heads  off,  sawed  their  hearts  out, 
Sawed  them  into  slabs  and  scantling, 
To  make  wigwams  for  his  people. 

And  his  tribe  kept  on  increasing, 
Building  villages  and  cities, 
Widening  cow-paths  into  post-roads, 
Building  boats  upon  the  rivers, 
Sending  ships  across  the  ocean, 
Making  forts,  and  arming  soldiers, 
Training  men,  and  getting  ready — 
Keady  to  fight  all  creation. 


Intifcatf&f  of  2*  foag  in  fufjicfj  se  $il<jrtm  JTajitljus  Sutlt  Ec  &>tt«  anti  fefllrti  a* 


IV. 


|ig|t  wraiter  tto0—  |0to  manj  rmmfos, 
nraw  to  lira*. 


33rittam'a  2E  mgtt'e  ©ucan,  anti  gf  terrible 
ILscn  on  2*  sfjore  of  ge  ©ccart. 


UHL   Brittania,  a  lady 
Who    resided    on     the 

sea-shore. 
On  the  other  side   the 

ocean : 
Who  was  mistress  of  the 

island, 


Of  the  self-conceited  island, 

Whence  the  tribe  of  Pil-grim-fath-us, 

In  the  Mayflower,  had  departed — 


64  A    FAMILY    QUARREL. 

Who  was  Pluri-bus-tah's  mother, 
But  who  ever  had  denied  it, 
Till  she  saw  him  well  arid  thriving. 
Then  her  truant  son  remembered. 
Pluri-bus-tah,  glad  to  see  her, 
Treated  her  with  love  and  kindness : 
But,  one  evening,  in  a  frolic, 
He,  to  play  a  joke  upon  her, 
Mixed  her  tea  with  salt  sea-water. 
She,  however,  like  the  modern 
Yankee  poet,  K.  K.  Pepper, 
"Didn't  sea  the  goak,"  but,  straightway 
Fell  into  a  furious  passion — 
Threatened  she  would  spank  her  offspring, 
Spank  our  hero,  Pluri-bus-tah ! 
He,  however,  still  remembering 
That  she  set  him  up  in  business 
(Though,  in  truth,  she  didn't  know  it, 
And  would  sooner,  far,  have  starved  him), 
Took  the  matter  rather  easy. 


A    FAMILY    QUARREL.  65 

But  at  last,  he  "got  his  grit  up" — 
"  Up  to  concert  pitch/'  and  higher ; 
And  he  swore  eternal  vengeance, 
If  she  didn't  stop  her  jawing ; 
Said  he  couldn't  strike  a  woman, 
But,  if  she  would  send  a  champion, 
He  would  "wallop  him  like  blazes." 

So  Brittania,  his  mother, 
Sent  her  other  son  to  whip  him  ; 
His  big  brother,  Johnny  Taurus, 
Who  should  punish  him  severely. 


g*  comet  lifer  ness  of  ge  {Taurus,  from  $*  sfcetcf)  in  pogaegjsum 
of  gc  Burfjam  famgltr. 

When  he  saw  his  foeman  coming, 
Pluri-bus-tah  felt  his  dander 
Bising,  rising,  rising,  rising  ; 


60  PREPABATIONS    FOB    A 

And  his  heart  was  hot  within  him, 
Like  a  heated  brick  his  heart  was. 
Out  he  strode  into  the  meadow, 
At  each  stride  a  rod  he  measured ; 
And  he  journeyed  on,  and  onward, 
Left  his  wigwam  far  behind   him  ; 
In  his  hand  a  rope  he  carried, 
With  some  stakes,  an  ax  and  tape-line  ; 
When  he  reached  the  distant  meadow, 
He  let  down  the  bars  and  entered. 
There  he  built  a  "  ring,"  according 


Sfcofolttg  5°to  Sr  Ipluribustaf),  mucf)  mitrtJ,  built  a*  ring. 

To  the  laws  of  British  "  Fancy"— 
Built  a  ring  with  ropes  and  saplings, 
For  his  fight  with  Johnny  Taurus. 


SHIKT-SLEEVE  DUEL.  67 

Liberty,  had,  from  a  distance, 
Seen  this  muss  of  Pluri-bus-tah — 
Seen  him?  with  his  ax  and  tape-line, 
Working  in  the  distant  meadow, 
Building  there  the  ring  for  battle. 

On  came  Johnny  and  his  mother, 
For  his  mother  came  to  back  him, 
There  to  see  fair  play  and  honor, 
In  the  battle  with  his  brother. 
And  she  brought  her  Lion  with  her, 
As  a  pleasant  seat  to  sit  on ; 
Which  should  keep  her  feet  from  wetting 
In  the  damp  and  swampy  meadow. 
Liberty  could  hold  no  longer, 
When  she  saw  the  trio  coming. 
Three  to  one,  she  thought  wa'n't  honest; 
So  she  hurried  down  to  offer 
Aid  and  help  to  Pluri-bus-tah. 
Then  she  caught  the  golden  Eagle, 
Caught  the  "bird  of  Jove,"  the  Eagle, 


68  THEY    SQUARE    OFF 

Made  him  perch  upon  her  shoulder, 
With  the  bird  she  took  her  station, 
In  the  ring  with  Pluri-bus-tah, 
There  to  watch  the  coming  battle. 

Then  began  the  deadly  conflict, 
Hand  to  hand,  of  skill  and  science. 
Liberty,  the  "fair-play"  maiden, 
Stood  beside  our  Pluri-bus-tah, 
Stood  there  as  his  bottle-holder, 
Every  round  with  anguish  watching — 
Holding  hat,  and  coat,  and  neckcloth — 
Cheered  him  when  he  felt  downhearted, 
Cheered  him  with  her  words  of  comfort, 
Cheered  him  with  the  promised  future, 
Cheered  him  with  her  sweet  caresses, 
Cheered  him  with  the  brandy  bottle, 
When  he  felt  his  strength  declining. 

Seven  long  years  the  battle  lasted, 
Seven  long  years  our  Pluri-bus-tah 
Fought  with  Mr.  Johnny  Taurus. 


AND    GO    IN.  C9 

'Twas  a  rough  and  tumble  combat, 
Neither  yielding  to  the  other. 
Johnny  had  his  Ma  to  back  him; 
The  old  Lady  stood  behind  him, 
Urging  him  to  prove  courageous, 
Prove  himself  a  lad  of  spirit. 
Pluri-bus-tah,  he  was  fighting 
With  a  "  handsome  gal"  beside  him, 
And  was  bound  to  win  the  battle, 
Win  the  fight,  or  die  a-trying. 

Seven  long  years  they  banged  each  other, 
Battered,  bruised,  and  mauled  each  other, 
Sometimes,  standing  up  and  giving 
Mutual  knocks,  with  skill  and  science, 
Like  the  Poole  and  Baker  "Artists" — 
Then  again,  like  rowdy  "  Suckers/' 
"  Sailing  in/'  without  regard  to 
Any  of  the  laws  of  "Fancy." 
Wrestling,  scratching,  kicking,  biting, 
Boiling  on  the  ground  and  gouging, 


THE    LAST    BOUND. 

Biting  at  each  other's  noses, 

Knocking  at  each  other's  grinders, 

Till,  at  last,  our  hero  whipped  him 

So  his  mother  didn't  know  him, 

Blacked  his  eyes,  and  bunged  his  nose  up 

Knocked  his  teeth  out,  caved  his  ribs  in. 


g*  Suckers  anti  ae  Artistes. 

Master  Johnny  lost  his  courage, 
Cried  "  Enough,"  and  yelled  for  mercy  ; 
Lay  down  on  his  back  and  hallooed, 
Like  Lord  Forth,  in  the  Crimea, 
At  the  fight  of  Balaklava, 
For  his  ma  to  come  and  take  him 
Home  and  put  him  in  the  cradle. 

On  that  day  Britannia's  lion 
Dropped  his  tail,  and  bowed  his  head  down, 


THE    VOYAGE    HOMEWAED.  71 

And  has,  ever  since,  been  tamer 

Than  the  lions  of  Van  Amburgh, 

Or  the  lions  of  Herr  Driesbach, 

Or  the  lions  down  at  Barnum's, 

Who  don't  bite  their  master's  head  offj 

Though  they  have  him  halfway  swallowed. 

When  the  fight,  at  last,  was  over, 
Pluri-bus-tah  rose  rejoicing, 
For  he,  too,  was  tired  and  weary ; 
But  he  lifted  Master  Johnny 
From  the  ground,  and  gently  took  him 
Through  the  island,  to  the  Battery, 
Put  him  in  a  Jersey  clam  boat, 
Put  him  in  with  his  companions- 
In  the  bow,  the  British  lion, 
In  the  stern,  his   ma,  Britannia — 
For  a  sail,  the  blood-red  banner, 
With  the  broad  red  cross  of  England. 
He  had  neither  bread  nor  whisky, 
To  sustain  him,  on  his  journey 


72   WHAT  THE  HEADER  HAD  BETTER  DO. 

Back  to  Britain  and  his  people. 
He  must  either  eat  the  lion, 
Or  the  lion  must  eat  Johnny. 
Whether  he  did  eat  the  lion, 
Or  the  lion  did  eat  Johnny — 
Whether  each  did  eat  the  other, 
Like  the  animals  of  story, 
I  don't  know — you'd  better  ask  them. 


g<  Eaunw,  Britannia,  an*  se  ILtonne  rcturnctf)  to  menu 


Y. 


m-i0Ju  fpmiage. 


HEN  the  task  at 

last  was  ended, 

And  the  handsome 

three  were  fairly 

Navigating  home,  toward   Brit 
ain, 

Pluri-bus-tah  took  his  jacket 
'tafj  return^  to    From  the  "handsome  gal"  who 

8*  foigfoame  fottfj  g«  ofc» 

frrt  of  ftta  affection*.  held   it 

10 


WHAT    WAS    DONE 

Dressed  himself,  and  washed  the  blood  off. 

Homeward  then  walked  Pluri-bus-tah  ; 

Pleasant  was  the  landscape  round  him, 

Pleasant  was  the  air  above  him, 

And  the  bitterness  of  anger 

Had  departed  wholly  from  him. 

But  his  eyes  were  badly  bunged  up, 

And  his  face  was  sadly  battered ; 

Yet,  with  Liberty,  the  maiden, 

Who  had  been  his  bottle-holder, 

Arm  in  arm,  started  homeward. 

Through  the   swamps,   and   through   the 

meadows, 

Over  brush,  and  over  fences, 
Wading  creeks,  and  fording  rivers, 
Like  the  sons  of  old  Virginia, 
On  they  traveled,  never  tiring,* 
Till  they  reached  his  farm  and  clearing, 
Sat  them  down  within  his  wigwam. 

*  See  old  song-book  "  Ole  Virginny  never  tire." 


AFTER    THE    BATTLE 


^e  irinfcetij  g?  ILajjcr  JStrr. 

Here,  he  drank  a  mug  of  "  lager/' 
But  the  lady,  being  modest, 
Took  a  glass  of  cool  spring  water, 
"With  a  fly  in,"  to  revive  her. 


After  they  had  drunk  together, 
And  had  each  a  "half  a  dozen 
On  the  shell,"  by  way  of  luncheon, 


76  WHAT    THE    LADY    HAD  N'T    AND 

Each  one  felt  a  "sort  of  likin" 
For  the  other,  and  for  marriage — 
Felt  a  "passional  attraction/' 
As  the  "  Free-love"  people  have  it : 
Which  means — every  girl  have  husbands; 
Ten  or  twenty  if  she  needs  them, 
All  she  wants  if  she  can  get  them — • 
Every  man,  a  score  of  women, 
Every  man  a  private  harem, 
Like  the  Mormons  now  in  Utah. 


ge  Mormon  fatfjer,  Be  cfjiforen  anti  ae  motfjew 

So  Miss  Liberty,  the  maiden, 
With  no  dowry  but  her  petti- 
Coats,  and  other  under  garments, 
With  no  clothes  but  what  she  stood  in 
She,  who,  like  our  modern  ladies, 
Couldn't  make  a  pie  or  pudding, 


WHAT  SHE  COULDN'T  DO.  77 

Couldn't  mend  a  pair  of  breeches, 
Couldn't  darn  a  pair  of  stockings, 
Could  n't  wash  the  breakfast  dishes ; 
And  twlike  our  modern  ladies, 
Could  n't  play  guitar,  piano, 
Lute,  or  flute,  or  even  Jewsharp, 
Couldn't  work  in  fancy  worsted 
Dogs  like  mice,  and  cats  like  horses — 
Men  and  mules  so  like  each  other, 
None  could  tell,  without  inquiring, 
Which  was  man  and  which  was  jackass, 


lie  Sampler  bern  fine  anto  ragrt. 

Trees  and  houses,  mills  and  mountains,! 
Of  such  curious  conformation, 
That  no  one,  except  the  maker, 


78   WHAT  THE  GENTLEMAN  AGREED  TO  DQ 

Knew  the  mountain  from  the  windmill.* 

Liberty,  though  thus  benighted, 

Thus  unfitted  to  be  married, 

Said  she'd  wed  with  Pluri-bus-tah, 

Take  him  in  the  Free-love  fashion 

As  her  first  impromptu  husband. 

Pluri-bus-tah,  not  behind-hand. 
Said  he'd  take  the  anxious  lady, 
Take  her  in  the  Free-Love  fashion, 
Take  her,  for  a  while,  on  trial. 
This  was  Pluri-bus-tah's  wooing, 
Thus  he  won  the  bottle-holder, 
Won  the  female  bottle-holder, 
Who  had  cheered  him  in  the  battle 
Which  he  fought  with  Johnny  Taurus. 

This  was  Pluri-bus-tah's  wedding, 
And  the  old  South  Bell,  at  Boston, 
Kang  a  loud  and  cheerful  chorus — 

*  A  lady's  crochet  work  is  a  thicr-  of  such  curious  designu  and 
appearance,  that  a  disinterested  observer  can't  often  tell  whether 
it  is  intended  for  a  landscape  or  a  pigeon  pot-pie. 


AND    WHAT    HE    DID. 

Pride  and  joy,  and  much  thanksgiving, 
And  the  people  swelled  the  chorus, 
And  the  small  boys  yelled  the  chorus, 
Chorus  for  this  ancient  bridal, 
Chorus  for  this  Free-love  wedding. 


t&at  rang  forty  ae    fojjful 


VI. 


at,  an&  fc0to 


tons  —  to|at 
l^s  pt  » 


bmtt  10 


EAKS  they  lived  in  peace 

together, 
P  ^™«*  **     years  they  lived  and  loved 

wnutf)  a*  Strangera. 

each  other. 

Pluri-bus-tah  strove  to  make  her 
Happy  and  contented  with  him — 


A    GENERAL    INVITATION.  81 

Strove,  with  strong  and  honest  action, 
In  the  glorious  cause  of  freedom, 
Strove  to  make  his  wide-spread  country 
Freedom's  home — where  all  the  weary 
And  oppressed  of  every  nation, 
Should  be  welcome — welcome  ever — 
Welcome  here  to  freedom's  fireside. 

Every  morning  Pluri-bus-tah 
Went  and  stood  upon  the  sea-shore, 
On  the  sand  upon  the  sea-shore, 
Liberty  stood  there  beside  him. 
Side  by  side  they  stood,  and  beckoned 
To  the  East,  and  to  the  westward — 
Called  to  every  isle  and  country, 
To  the  poor  of  every  nation^ 
The  oppressed  of  every  nation, 
Here  to  come  with  wife  and  children — 
Come  with  cradle,  bed  and  blankets, 
Here  to  make  their  habitation, 

Here  to  make  their  home  forever. 
11 


LOUD    CALL 


"  Come  I"  cried  Pluri-bus-tah,  calling 
Till  his  voice  awoke  the  echoes. 
Echoes  of  the  air  and  ocean, 
"  Come,  from  king,  and  queen,  and  monarch, 
Come,  from  autocrat  and  despot, 
In  the  cabin,  if  you're  wealthy, 
If  you  ain't,  take  steerage  passage  : 
Only  come  and  bring  the  babies, 
Bring  the  red-faced,  squalling  babies 
Bring  the  squealing,  squirming  babies, 
Bring  the  babies  and  their  cradles, 
Bring  the  brats  and  all  their  playthings. 
Come  and  help  me  make  improvements, 
Come  and  help  me  dig  my  ditches, 
Come  and  help  me  build  my  cities, 
Make  the  brick  and  mix  the  mortar, 
Carry  hod  and  tend  the  mason. 
Come  and  settle  in  my  country, 
Settle  here  and  pay  me  taxes, 
Settle  here  and  you'll  be  welcome, 
If  you  '11  only  pay  me  taxes." 


PROM   BOTH    THE   PARTNERS. 


83 


Liberty,  who  stood  beside  him, 
Then  would  call,  but  not  so  loudly. 
Her  acquaintance  wan't  extensive 
In  the  various  lands  of  Europe, 


Celt. 


footsteps  o 

And  in  Asia,  and  "the  rest  of 
Mankind."     She  had  ne'er  been  heard  of; 
But  she'd  stand,  and  call  as  loudly 
As  her  feeble  voice  would  let  her. 
"  Hear  ye,  hear  ye,  hear  ye  nations  ! 
I  have  leased  this  great  Kepublic  — 


84  WHAT   SHE   SAID  THEN,   AND 

The  United  States,  and  Jersey, 
For  a  term  of  years,  to  live  in — 
Live  in  with  my  Pluri-bus-tah. 
I  shall  live  with  Pluri-bus-tah 
Just  so  long  as  I've  a  mind  to. 
If  he  shall  become  outrageous, 
And  run  after  other  women, 
I  shall  leave  this  Pluri-bus-tah, 
For  a  home  in  the  Pacific, 
Probably  in  Nicaragua, 
With  the  valiant  Captain  Walker. 
But,  at  present,  I'm  a  fixture, 
In  this  infant  Yankee  nation, 
And  I  shall  be  glad  to  see  you 
On  the  shore — be  glad  to  greet  yo 
Bid  you  welcome  to  the  country." 
Now  it  would  not  be  becoming 
For  a  lady  thus  to  meet  them, 
Meet  new-comers  on  the  sea-shore ; 
And  if  Liberty,  this  morning, 


WHAT    SHE    WOULD    SAT    NOW-A-DATS.       85 

Should,  with  truth,  repeat  the  welcome, 
She  would  speak  somewhat  in  this  way: 

"I  will  now  appoint  my  agents, 
Who  shall  stand  at  Castle  Garden, 
Who  shall  rob  you  of  your  money, 
Take  away  your  baggage  from  you, 
Separate  you  from  your  children, 
Send  you  one  way,  them  another, 
Send  you  off  on  unknown  rail-roads, 
Send  them  off  on  nameless  steam-boats, 
Send  you  all  to  divers  dismal 
Places  you  don't  want  to  go  to. 


Jge  tmfl&k  JJagrjagc'smasfjers  persecute  se  unprotected  Celt. 

You  shall  there  be  met  by  swindlers, 
Shoulder-hitters,  baggage-smashers, 


86  NEPTUNE    SENDS 

And  all  kinds  of  shameless  rascals, 
Who,  in  one  huge  deputation, 
Thieving,  swindling  deputation, 
Shall  await  you,  on  your  coming, 
And  shall  fleece  you  at  their  leisure. 
This  shall  be  your  fitting  welcome 
To  the  glorious  land  of  Freedom."* 
Pluri-bus-tah,  as  aforesaid, 
And  his  spouse,  each  pleasant  morning, 
Gave  their  pressing  invitation 
To  the  world,  his  wife  and  children. 
Neptune,  anxious  to  oblige  them, 
Sent  a  Mermaid  with  the  message 
Straight  to  Ireland  and  to  Dutchland. 
Barnum  since  has  caught  this  Mermaid, 
Whose  great  speed,  on  that  occasion, 

*  From  this  passage,  it  is  probable  this  poem  was  written  before 
the  establishment  of  the  emigrant  dep6t  at  Castle  Garden.  Before 
that  time,  however,  this  description  was  fulfilled  with  the  most 
scandalous  exactness.  It  is  believed  that  those  persons  who  for 
merly  made  a  living  by  robbing  emigrants  have,  since  their  busi 
ness  was  broken  up,  been  appointed  on  the  City  Police. 


A     MERMAID.  87 

Spread  her  jaws  and  wore  her  tail  off; 
But  the  Show-man's  genius  led  him 
To  attempt  to  splice  a  codfish 
To  the  waist  of  this  fair  maiden, 
That  he  might  her  life  recover. 


Though  he  caught  her  on  the  instant, 
While  her  jaws  with  life  were  gaping, 
While  her  pretty  fins  were  wriggling, 
While  her  pretty  eyes  were  winking, 
While  her  bosom  yet  was  throbbing, 
While  her  breast  was  full  of  heart-beat, 
And  her  mouth  was  full  of  sea-weed — 


88  WHAT  BAENUM  DID   WITH   HER 

Though  with  skill  he  sewed  the  codfish, 
Sewed  with  silk  and  finest  needle ; 
Though  he  took  the  smallest  stitches, 
And  with  dirty  wax  concealed  them 
From  the  prying,  curious  public, 
She  died,  she  did,  the  fishy  lady; 
And  the  people  now  may  see  her 
At  the  Museum,  in  a  bottle. 


32*  original  atrti  authentic  iKermafo,  from  ee  CoBfctfon  of 
Be  great  JSarnum. 

Though  a  belle  among  her  kindred, 
Though  she  was  a  sea-green  Mermaid, 
Pea-green  Mermaid,  sap-green  Mermaid, 


AND   WHAT  THE  LITTLE   BOYS   DO.  89 

She  is  now  a  scaly  Mermaid; 
And  the  children  who  behold  her, 
A'  n't  so  green  as  was  the  Mermaid ; 
But  they  wink  at  her,  in  passing, 
And  they  put  their  skeptic  fingers 
On  their  unbelieving  noses. 

When    the    news     had     reached     these 

countries, 

Carried  by  the  luckless  mermaid, 
There  was  quite  as  much  commotion 
As  when,  once,  "The  Fairy  Light  Guard," 
Advertised  to  visit  Gotham. 
And  a  huge  Milesian  army, 
Every  man  named  Pat  or  Murphy, 
Each  man  with  a  wife  prolific, 
Each  wife  with  a  score  of  babies, 
Came  to  settle  in  the  country. 
And  ten  thousand  smoking  Dutchmen, 
Each  man  with  his  wife  and  babies, 

And  a  dozen  monstrous  boxes, 
12 


90 


THE   STRANGERS    GET   A   JOB, 


gt  faeritaSU  (Suitor*  of  a'  tribune  an*  ae  «»'<!«'  t°r*>*  of  £<Porter* 
look  for  a'  Jfaira  ILiflfjt  ffiuart. 

Firmly  bound  with  bands  of  iron, 
Also  came  to  see  the  country. 
On  the  sea-shore  stood  our  hero, 
Welcoming  the  coming  strangers. 
They  were  hired  by  Pluri-bus-tah, 
Hired  to  ditch  and  drain  his  marshes, 
Plow  his  land,  and  tend  his  cattle. 


INTERNAL    IMPROVEMENTS.  91 

Some  were  conversant  with  digging, 
Digging  wells,  and  digging  cellars : 
Some  were  skilled  in  climbing  ladders, 
Bearing  hods  of  brick  and  mortar, 
Cutting  stone,  and  hewing  timber 
For  his  forts,  where  Pluri-bus-tah 
Might  retire  when  danger  threatened — 
Danger  from  the  ugly  "  Injuns," 
Or  from  spiteful  Johnny  Taurus, 
Who  still  bore  in  mind  his  thrashing 
At  the  battle  of  the  meadow, 
And  was  always  slyly  watching 
For  a  chance  to  "  give  him  Jesse." 
Thus,  these  foreigners,  invited 
By  the  loving  Free-Love  couple, 
Came,  and  lived  and  thrived  and  flourished. 
Thus  through  all  the  land  they  scattered, 
Working,  laboring,  toiling,  scheming, 
Begging,  stealing,  fighting,  drinking ; 
Still  the  country  thrived  and  flourished — 


92     AS  WELL  AS  COULD  BE  EXPECTED 

Everybody  thrived  and  flourished 
In  the  land  of  Pluri-bus-tah. 


JHuri»&tM'ta&  wntormttf)  to  a*  wtunu  of  jf  ptiitt. 


VII. 


|0to  %  jtaof  ift  a  grat  mimg  things,  sni  tofyor 


oto  fle  iallient 
ijug-taf),  assisteft  bg  ge  lobrlg 
ILibcrtir,  tiiti  raise  g*  JTIag  of 


ANY   years   they 
lived  together, 
Liberty  and  Pluri-bus-tah. 
He  made  quite   a  decent 
husband, 


94  ORIGIN    OF    THE    AMERICAN    FLAG. 

Bragging  much  of  his  "old  woman/' 
How  she  made  his  farm  attractive, 
How  she  managed  all  his  people, 
How  she  taught  him  Yankee  Doodle, 
Made  him  whistle  Yankee  Doodle. 
And,  so  proud  was  he  of  having 
Such  a  "gal"  for  his  companion, 
That  he  borrowed  her  red  night-cap, 
Liberty's  old  scarlet  night-cap, 
Stuck  it  on  a  pole,  like  Gesler's, 
Made  his  people  all  swear  by  it. 
And  he  took  her  petti-garment, 
Garment  blue,  and  striped  and  starry, 
Nailed  it  just  beneath  the  night-cap, 
Swearing  that  should  be  his  banner. 

Thus  they  "lived  and  loved"  together, 
Thus  they  "loved  and  lived"  contented 
With  themselves,  with  all  creation. 
Liberty  was  so  enchanted 
With  her  husband,  Pluri-bus-tah, 


VISITOES.  95 

With  the  land  and  with  the  nation, 

With  his  fondness  and  devotion, 

That  she  telegraphed  her  parents, 

Living  in  the  good  old  homestead, 

In  the  old  Arcadian  farm-house, 

Near  the  mansion  with  the  woodshed, 

Once  before,  herein,  referred  to  ; 

Telegraphed  to  send  her  sisters, 

Peace  and  Thrift,  to  come  and  dwell  there. 

She  would  clothe  them,  she  would  board  them, 

Do  their  mending  and  their  washing. 

Had  this  city  of  Manhattan 
Then  been  built,  in  working  order, 
She  would,  probably,  have  promised 
She  would  show  them  round  the  city — 
Take  them  up  to  Wood  and  Christy's, 
Take  them  over  to  the  Bowery, 
Take  them  to  the  Broadway  "  Spout-shop/' 
Take  them  there  to  see  Ned  Forrest 
Sprawl  and  splurge  in  Matamora— 


96 


CITY    CELEBRITIES. 


ge  great  JForrest  as  2E  renofoiutJ  Salfcage  jBetamora, 

Take  them,  next  night,  round  to  Burton's. 
There  to  see  the  tipsy  Toodle, 


immense  Burton  as  n*  redoubtable  STooWrff. 


Then  would  take  them  both  to  Congress, 
There  to  see  the  annual  dog-fight, 
See  the  fight  of  Honorables; 
See  the  members  knock  each  other, 
Bruise  each  other,  bang  each  other, 


THE    VISITORS    ARRIVB. 

See  the  members  gouge  each  other, 
See  the  six-foot  brawny  members, 
Reason  with  their  six-inch  pistols, 
Hear  them  argue  with  their  rifles, 
And  debate  with  three-foot  bowies. 
Take  them  to  the  Model  Artists, 
Take  them  to  the  Free-Love  Union, 
Put  them  on  the  special  Free  List, 
Let  them  have  the  freest  freedom; 
If  her  "fogy"  of  a  father 
Would  permit  her  darling  sisters 
Then  to  come  and  make  a  visit, 
Visit  her  and  Pluri-bus-tah. 

And  her  sisters  came  to  see  her, 
Came  and  brought  their  bag  and  baggage, 
Brought  their  trunks  and  change  of  linen, 
Doubtless  meaning  to  remain  there. 

When  the  sisters  saw  each  other, 
They  laid  down  their  trunks  and  bundles, 

Fell  upon  each  other's  bosoms, 
13 


WHAT    THEY    DID,    AND 

Had  a  sweet  embrace,  three-handed, 
In  the  orthodox  stage  fashion. 


If*  lobelg  anti  accomplished  Sisters  embrace. 

But  they  soon  recovered  from  it, 
From  this  spasm  of  affection, 
Picked  up  all  their  bags  andbundles4 
Kearranged  their  rumpled  collars, 
And.,  with  pleasure  in  their  faces, 
Marched  into  the  house  to  dinner. 

What  they  had  that  day  for  dinner, 
What  the  bill  of  fare  included, 
Do  not  ask,  for  I  can't  tell  you. 
But  the  ladies  liked  the  dinner, 
Liked  their  sister's  fighting  husband, 


HOW    THEY    LIKED    IT. 

Liked  the  looks  of  all  the  country, 
And  made  up  their  minds  to  stay  there. 

Shortly  they  got  fairly  settled. 
And  began  to  look  about  them ; 
Then  they  saw  that  Pluri-bus-tah 
Was  a  man  of  strength  and  vigor, 
Capable  of  great  achievements, 
But  was  ignorant  and  boorish, 
Uninformed  and  uninstructed. 
Peace  determined  she  would  teach  him. 
She  would  make  him  stop  his  fighting, 
She  would  teach  him  and  instruct  him ; 
Thrift  resolved  she  would  relieve  him 
Of  the  charge  of  all  his  acres, 
And  would  work  the  farm  without  him. 

Pluri-bus-tah,  nothing  lothful 
To  their  plans,  consented  freely. 
Daily  toiled,  a  willing  scholar ; 
Learned  of  Peace  the  great  resources 
Of  the  country — his  dominion. 


100  HARD    WORK,    AND 

Learned  of  her  what  strength  and  power 
Lay  within  his  own  hard  sinews — 
Learned  of  her  to  dig  the  coal-mine, 
Learned  to  find  the  beds  of  iron  ; 
This  he  dragged  unto  his  work-shop, 
Dragged  it  to  his  smoky  work-shop, 
There  to  learn  its  various  uses, 
Learn  of  Peace  how  he  should  use  it. 


improbrtlj  fjtowdf  in  sf  &*&  »»&  Cc  fHanufacttito. 


Toiling  under  her  direction, 
With  the  fire  -fiend  at  his  bidding, 
And  the  wind  to  feed  the  fire-fiend, 
With  the  hammer,  forge,  and  anvil, 
Years  he  toiled  without  cessation. 
Here  he  wrought  tremendous  engines, 


PLENTY    OP    IT.  101 

Which  should  bring  him  wealth  and  glory; 
Here  he  made  the  mighty  Mill-wheel, 
Here  the  Loom,  the  Lathe,  the  Engine. 
Here  he  "built  the  Locomotive, 
Here  is  where  he  tamed  the  Lightning, 


.Supposed  to  lie  se  puntitt  tf.  JFranfcltn,  flfjjq[.t 
at  ce  Ht'gfytning. 


Gave  the  Storm-cloud  its  first  lessons 
In  the  peaceful  art  of  writing  ; 


102  SISTERLY    LOVE. 

Here  is  where  he  built  the  Steam-ship, 

Here  the  Press,  his  greatest  glory. 

Thus  it  was  that  Peace,  the  gentle, 

With  her  endless  stores  of  wisdom, 

Thus  it  was  that  Thrift,  untiring, 

Blessed  the  land  of  Pluri-bus-tah. 

Thus  it  was  the  loving  sisters, 

Peace  and  Thrift,  joined  hands  with  Freedom, 

Dwelt  with  Liberty,  their  sister, 

In  the  land  of  Pluri-bus-tah. 


VIII. 

pine  »f 


J)c  ||3Iur»ibu5«taI)  experimenting 
fautf)  ae  first  ILoccmottbr. 


ONG  lie   toiled,  with  Peace 


to  help  him, 
In  the  dim  and  smoky  workshops, 
Oft  he  viewed  his  vast  dominion, 
Striving  for  its  best  improvement 


104  YANKEE    ENTEKPRISE    AND 

Having  dotted  all  his  country, 
Full  of  thriving  towns  and  cities, 
He  determined  he  would  bind  them 
Firm,  with  iron  bands,  together; 
Iron  roads  for  iron  horses, 
Iron  bridges  for  his  lightning 
Which  should  run  on  errands  for  him. 
He  commenced  his  rail-road  building — 
Building  monstrous  locomotives ; 
Through  his  land,  in  all  directions, 
Telegraphs  and  railroads  made  he ; 
Leaving,  in  each  distant  corner, 
Some  memento  of  the  lessons 
And  the  wisdom  Peace  had  taught  him. 
In  the  cities,  Lathes  and  Foundries, 
In  the  villages,  great  Factories, 
And  the  Press  in  every  hamlet. 
By  the  streams,  left  spiteful  Sawmills, 
By  the  roads,  the  Forge  and  Anvil, 
In  the  field,  the  Plow  and  Keaper, 


YANKEE    BRAG.  105 

By  the  sea-shore,  Ships  and  Steamboats, 

Wharves  and  Docks  and  sheltering  Harbors; 

Sending  off  huge  fleets  of  shipping, 

Far  away  to  every  country, 

Far  across  the  conquered  ocean, 

Carrying  to  the  world  his  boasting. 

This,  his  vegetable  bragging, 

Which  he  o'er  and  o'er  repeated, 

Oft,  himself,  his  words  encoring, 

Chuckling  to  himself  with  pleasure, 

Laughing  with  such  vigorous  pleasure, 

That  he  often  tore  his  breeches. 

But  of  this  he  never  wearied, 

Wearied  of  this  classic  sentence— 

"  Pluri-bus-taJi  is  some  pumpkins  !" 


14 


IX. 

at  it  8a0man  iriJr. 


HILE  he  had  been  toil 
ing,  delving, 
In   his    workshop,   dim    and 

darksome, 
npirsot    Thrift  had  kept  her  promise 

agricultural  protmcta. 

truly, 

And  had  managed  well  the  acres, 
Which  to  her  he  had  intrusted. 
She  had  pinned  her  ekirticoats  up, 
And  had  pulled  her  white  kid  gloves  oif, 


A    FEMALE    FARMER.  10Y 

And  had  put  her  wooden  shoes  on, 
And,  with  plow,  and  drag,  and  harrow, 
Spade,  and  hoe,  and  rake,  and  pitchfork, 
She  had  gone  into  the  country, 
And  had  worked  in  truthful  earnest. 


fjofco  Cfjrift,  gt  graceful,  fcfo  labor  (n  gf  fftlUjs. 

She  had  plowed,  and  she  had  harrowed, 
She  had  hoed,  and  raked,  and  spaded, 
She  had  planted  corn  and  cotton, 
Wheat  and  rice,  and  canes  for  sugar, 
She  had  raised  broad-leafed  tobacco, 
And  had  saved  the  crop  for  Gilsey. 
When  she  heard  that  Pluri-bus-tah 
All  his  ships  abroad  was  sending. 
Then  she  formed  her  resolution  ; 


108  WHAT    SHE    RAISED. 

Turned  her  footsteps  to  the  sea-shore, 
There  to  talk  with  Pluri-bus-tah. 

Of  her  crops  she  bore  him  samples, 
In  her  arms  she  bore  the  samples, 
On  her  back  she  bore  the  samples, 
Had  her  pocket  full  of  samples, 
On  her  head  a  mammoth  wash-tub, 
Cedar  wash-tub,  full  of  samples : 
Corn,  tobacco,  rice  and  sugar, 
Beets  and  turnips,  wheat  and  cotton, 
Sugar-cane  and  sweet  potatoes. 
From  her  shoes  up  sprung  the  corn-plant, 
From  her  head  up  sprung  the  hemp-plant, 
From  her  hair  down  fell  the  grape-vine, 
In  her  bosom,  winter  squashes, 
In  each  hand  a  golden  pumpkin, 
In  each  eye  a  tear  of  pleasure, 
In  her  mouth  a  string  of  onions, 
Unobjectionable  onions, 
Snowy,  savory,  silvery  onions. 


AN    INTERCEPTED    HUG.  109 

Thus  she  came  to  Pluri-bus-tah, 
Standing  on  the  sandy  sea-shore. 
Pluri-bus-tah,  glad  to  see  her, 
Tried  to  greet  her  like  a  sister, 
Tried  to  hug  her,  but  the  squashes 
Kept  his  arms  from  going  round  her: 
Tried  to  kiss  her,  but  the  onions 
Of  her  mouth  had  got  possession. 


o 

n  ae  fullness  of  l)is  fjcart  mbracftf)  s*  ptobifcent  C&rffL 


Of  her  load  he  soon  relieved  her, 
Laid  the  samples  on  the  sea-shore, 
Made  her  take  a  seat  beside  him, 


110  A    STORY,    AND    THE    SEQUEL. 

Made  her  sit  upon  a  pumpkin 
While  she  should  relate  her  story: 
Tell  how  she  his  farm  had  managed, 
Tell  him  of  the  new  improvements, 
Tell  him  truly  all  about  it. 
And  they  sat  upon  the  sea-shore, 
On  the  pumpkins  by  the  sea-shore. 


It'strnct!)  to  tf  nauatibe  of  ar  pro&t&ent  CJrtfU 

And  she  told  him  all  the  story, 
Told  him  all  she  knew  about  it. 

Then  he  yelled  aloud  with  pleasure, 
Then  he  loaded  all  his  shipping, 
All  his  sloops,  and  scows,  and  clam-boats, 
All  his  ships,  and  barks,  and  schooners, 
All  his  pilot-boats  and  steamers  ; 


THE    HERO    VIEWS    THE    LANDSCAPE.        HZ 

Loaded  them  with  these  productions 
Which  industrious  Thrift  had  brought  him ; 
Sent  them  off  to  various  nations, 
People  who  lived  far  beyond  the 
Kind,  accommodating  ocean. 
And  they  sent  to  Pluri-bus-tah, 
In  return  for  his  productions, 
Gold  and  silver,  plenty  of  it, 
Just  what  Pluri-bus-tah  wanted. 

Then  he  climbed  upon  a  mountain,- 
Took  his  station  on  a  mountain, 
With  his  hands  stuck  in  his  pockets, 
With  his  legs  stretched  wide  asunder, 
Thence  surveying  all  the  landscape. 

Thence  he  saw  his  iron  rail-roads, 
Thence  he  saw  his  monster  steamers, 
Thence  he  saw  his  matchless  clippers, 
Thence  he  saw  his  northern  corn-fields, 
Thence  he  saw  his  Southern  rice-fields, 
Saw  them  all  stretched  out  before  him. 


112 


WHAT    HE    SAW,    AND 

All  the  rail-roads,  all  the  steamers, 
All  the  scows,  or  tugs,  or  clippers, 
All  were  bringing  money,  money, 
Money  home  to  Pluri-bus-tah. 


PIttti»!)UB»ta5  bittottf)  a*  foorlU  from  tf  mauntaiivtop,  gupposrtJ  to  fo 


Bringing  it  from  Northern  corn-fields, 
Bringing  it  from  Southern  rice-fields, 
Bringing  it  from  every  country, 
Every  land,  and  state,  and  province; 


HOW    HE    LIKED    THE    PROSPECT. 

AH  were  bringing  money,  money, 
Money  home  to  Pluri-bus-tah. 


113 


or  jjc  Cin. 


15 


etfi  abarictotig,  anil 


X. 

t\t  ftaof 


S  the  money 
poured  upon 
him, 

In     a     golden 
stream   upon 
him, 
Pluri-bus-tah  came  to  love  it, 

\s 

^      Better,  every  day,  and  better. 

So  his  love  grew  stronger  with  it. 
And  he  loved  his  shining  money, 


MODERN    PIETY. 

Better,  every  day,  and  better: 
Better,  soon,  than  truth  or  honor. 
But  he  built  his  costly  churches, 
Chapels,  altars,  meeting-houses, 
Through  his  land,  in  every  hamlet, 
Through  his  land,  on  every  hill-side. 

And  in  these  he  worshiped  heaven, 
Blacked  with  care  his  boots  each  Sunday, 
Changed  his  shirt  and  put  his  coat  on, 
Shirt  and  piety  together; 
Keeping  bright  his  Christian  armor, 
In  the  closet  with  his  broadcloth, 
With  his  Sunday  boots  and  broadcloth. 

And  on  each  lamented  Sunday, 
Would  put  on  both  suits  together. 
With  his  boots,  put  on  his  bounty, 
With  his  shirt,  his  zeal  and  fervor, 
With  his  vest,  his  orthodoxy, 
With  his  pants,  pull  on  religion, 
Tie  his  creed  up  in  his  neckcloth. 


116  ECONOMICAL    CHRISTIANITY. 

Thus  would  go  to  Christian  service, 
Sleeping  through  the  prayers  and  sermon. 
Yet  at  night  he  'd  take  his  suit  off, 
Take  his  broadcloth  Sunday  suit  off; 
With  it  take  his  Christian  zeal  off, 
Boll  them  carefully  together, 
Lock  them  in  a  drawer  together ; 
Never  wearing  suit  of  broadcloth, 
Never  putting  on  religion, 
Save  before  the  pious  people, 
For  a  dozen  hours  on  Sunday. 

Yet  he  worshiped  truly,  fondly, 
With  the  most  intense  devotion, 
Tireless,  weariless  devotion. 
But  the  idol  that  he  worshiped 
Did  not  dwell  with  priests  or  pastors, 
Seldom  lived  in  Christian  churches. 
It  was  one  that  he  had  whittled 
From  a  block  of  shining  metal ; 
Which  he  ever  had  about  him, 


IDOL    WORSHIP. 

In  the  bottom  of  his  pocket, 
Bottom  of  his  deepest  pocket. 

And  he  bowed  and  knelt  before  it, 
Not  one  day  in  seven  only, 
But  each  morning's  early  sunlight 
Brought  the  thoughts  of  this  his  idol. 
And  each  night's  uneasy  slumber 
Brought  the  dreams  of  this  his  idoL 
And  he  bowed  and  knelt  before  it, 
Daily,  hourly,  without  ceasing — 
As  attentive  to  his  idol 
As  are  Branch  and  Briggs  to  Matsell. 

In  the  street  and  in  the  market, 
And  in  sanctimonious  Wall-street, 
On  the  wharves  beside  the  sea-shore, 
In  the  mud  beside  the  sea-shore, 
Here  he  knelt,  and  cringed,  and  groveled, 
To  the  deity  he  worshiped. 

Should  you  ask  me,  "  What  this  idol  ? 
What  this  god  that  Pluri-bus-tah 


118 


WHAT    THE     HEKO    WORSHIPED. 


ponderous  anU  &  mjitte  Gfjt'cf  of  police;  jj*  man  t!jat  foorrtctf) 
33rtjjgs  airti  £c  JSarnacIe 


Knelt  before,  and  bowed  and  prayed  to, 
Prayed  to  with  such  zeal  and  fervor 
That  he  cut  his  pantaloons  through — 
Cut  his  knees  upon  the  gravel  ?" 
This  should  be  my  instant  answer: 
"  Money,  money,  money,  money  \" 
Coppers,  fips,  and  dimes,  and  quarters, 
All  received  some  veneration, 


~HIS    PEAYEBS.  119 

Some  respect  and  veneration. 
But  the  god  he  wildly  worshiped. 
Traded  off  his  heart  and  soul  for, 
(As  of  old  did  Doctor  Faustus, 
Swapping  jackknives  with  the  Devil), 
Was  the  king  of  dimes  and  quarters, 
Was  the  god  of  Pluri-bus-tah. 
And  the  prayers  which  he,  on  Sunday, 
Offered  to  the  King  of  Heaven, 
To  c  Our  Father/  King  of  Heaven, 
From  his  lips  fell  strange  and  coldly. 
But  the  week-day  prayer  he  uttered, 
Daily,  hourly  prayer  he  uttered, 
From  his  heart  came  hot  and  earnest, 
And  the  language  run  this  wise : 
'  Potent,  and  ALMIGHTY  DOLLAE  !' 

On  the  face  of  this  his  idol, 
He  had  placed  the  graven  image, 
Image  and  the  superscription. 
Of  his  wife,  his  Free-Love  partner, 


120  HOW    THE    IDOL    LOOKED. 

Liberty,  in  scarlet-night-cap, 
As,  if  living  now,  she  might  be 
Photographed,  full  length,  by  Brady, 
Graced  the  side  of  every  dollar; 
So  that  when  he  kissed  his  idol, 
Liberty  felt  complimented, 
Thinking  it  was  her  dear  picture 
Pluri-bus-tah  loved  so  fondly. 

Never  maiden  more  mistaken, 
Pluri-bus-tah  loved  the  dollar, 
Potent  and  "ALMIGHTY  DOLLAR," 


$«  matte  SoIIar.    .Sfcetcfjcti  from  ge  original  in  &  possession  of  a  fast  aouttf    ' 
roan,  fierg  rare  anti  scarce,  it  being  ae  test  one  fje  fjatJ. 

Dirty,  filthy,  greasy,  DOLLAR  ! 
And  he  would  have  loved  as  truly, 


HOW    THE    LADY    FLATTEEED    HERSELF.     121 

Hugged  as  closely,  kissed  as  fondly, 
Had  the  female  image  on  it 

Been  a  dog,  or  been  a  jackass. 
16 


XI. 

f  iglrt  rater  i\nt,  toify  tariatas. 


ELL,   their   honeymoon  had 

lasted 

Longer   than   had   been  ex- 
j\  pected. 

Fifty  years  had  passed,  and 

left  them 
Better,    firmer    friends    than 

ever. 

gut      t^ere      came      a     fearful 

quarrel  ; 

Pluri-hus-tah,  on  one  morning, 
Straying  through  his  southern  rice-fields, 
Through  his  sugar-cane  plantation, 


pIurM>u0.ta&  conquered 
2^  33Iacftamoor. 


PLUEI-BUS-TAH    PONDEES.  123 

Through  the  fields  of  snowy  cotton, 
Through  his  acres  of  tobacco, 
Thought  how  many  dimes  they  brought  hi 
But  the  thought  of  what  they  cost  him, 
What  he  paid  for  work  and  labor 
"Was  a  saddening  reflection ; 
And  he  turned  the  matter  over, 
Thought  how  he  could  be  more  saving, 
Save  the  sum  his  broad  plantations, 
Yearly  cost  for  work  and  labor. 


portrai 

As  he  cast  his  eye  about  him, 
Sable  Cuffee  met  his  vision. 
Cuffee  was  a  powerful  darkey, 


124  WHO    CUFFEE    WAS,    AND 

Kich  in  muscle  and  in  sinew, 
Strong  and  vigorous  and  active ; 
And  his  skull,  like  boiler  iron, 
And  his  hands,  like  legs  of  mutton, 
And  his  feet,  like  small  portmanteaus. 
And  his  back,  so  broad  and  brawny, 
Made  him  just  the  very  person 
To  do  Pluri-bus-tah's  toiling, 
In  his  Southern  rice  plantations. 
Pluri-bus-tah  pondered  on  it, 
Pondered  long  upon  the  question ; 
But,  at  last,  he  made  his  mind  up, 
And  resolved  to  conquer  Cuffee, 
Make  him  work  and  do  his  drudging. 
But  he  didn't  mean  to  pay  him, 
Pay  him  for  his  toiling  labor, 
That  would  be  no  speculation, 
For  he  loved  his  darling  dollars; 
And  his  thought  was  how  to  save  them, 
Keep  them  in  his  breeches  pocket. 


PLUBI-BUS-TAH'S    COGITATION. 

He  resolved  to  conquer  CufFee, 
Make  him  work  for  him  for  nothing, 
Make  him  work,  or  else  he'd  lick  him. 

Pluri-bus-tah  then  got  ready; 
For  the  battle  then  made  ready ; 
First  took  off  his  coat  and  jacket, 
Put  his  boots  on,  rolled  his  sleeves  up ; 
Then  he  took  a  horn  of  whisky, 


125 


|Huri»bug«ta&  tzUeti)  on  #*  Spirit*  to  gtrcnjjtfytt  tint  in  g<  CTomBat* 
in  a  fjorn. 

Old  Monongahela  whisky, 
Whisky  made  of  Indian  corn-juice, 


120  A    BLACK    BATTLE. 

Of  the  juice  of  the  Mondainin, 
Treated  of  in  Hiawatha ; 
Drank  about  a  half  a  gallon, 
Then  went  out  to  fight  with  CufFee. 
Pretty  soon  he  met  with  Cuffee, 
Said,  "  Good  morning  to  you,  Cuffee  ; 
How  are  all  the  babies,  Cuffee,? 
How  is  pretty  Mistress  .  Cuffee  ?" 
For  a  while  he  talked  with  Cuffee ; 
Then  he  made  a  face  at  Cuffee  ; 
Then,  at  once,  squared  off  at  Cuffee, 
Instantly  "  sailed  into"  Cuffee ; 
And  he  whaled  away  at  Cuffee, 
Injured  and  astonished  Cuffee  ! 
Cuffee's  shins  were  bruised  and  battered ; 
Cuffee's  ribs  were  sore  and  aching  ; 
Cuffee's  wool  was  torn  and  tangled ; 
Cuffee's  head  was  mauled  and  pummeled 
Till  his  eyes  stuck  out  like  onions, 
And  his  nose  looked  like  a  sausage, 


CUFPEE    CONQUERED.  127 

Juicy  sausage,  damaged  sausage. 
And  each  lip  looked  like  an  oyster, 
Like  a  huge,  disfigured  oyster; 
Like  an  oyster  with  the  shell  off. 
Cuffee  yelled  and  begged  for  mercy, 
Cuifee  yielded  and  was  conquered. 


Singular  appearance  auto  peculiar  expression  2C  countenance  B*  ISIacfcamoor 
fjatJ  after  2e  set-to  bntf)  ^luri-bus-tal). 

Then  the  victor,  Pluri-bus-tah, 
Fastened  Cuffee's  hands  behind  him, 
Tied  his  huge  feet  close  together, 
Put  him  in  a  top-sail  schooner, 
"Toted"  him  "way  down  the  river/' 
Put  him  on  his  rice  plantations, 


128        PLUKI-BUS-TAH'S  VICTORY,  AND 

Made  him  hoe,  and  dig,  and  grub  there  ; 
Told  him  if  he  did  n't  do  it, 
He'd  come  every  day  and  thrash  him, 
Every  morning  after  breakfast. 

Should  you  ask  me  "  What's  the  reason  ?* 
I  should  answer,  I  should  tell  you, 
In  the  words  of  Pluri-bus-tah, 
In  the  words  he  spoke  to  CufTee, 
"I  am  white,  and  I  am  stronger, 
You  are  black,  and  you  are  weaker, 
And,  beside,  you  have  no  business, 
And  no  right  to  be  a  nigger." 

After  this  triumphant  battle 
Pluri-bus-tah  started  homeward, 
Thrust  his  hands  into  his  pockets, 
And  went  whistling  on  his  journey. 
But  the  wonder  in  his  mind  was, 
What  would  Liberty,  his  partner, 
Say  about  this  new  achievement  ? 
Truly,  he  was  slightly  fearful 


HIS    MISGIVINGS. 


129 


That  she  might  rebel  against  it, 
Make  a  row  and  scratch  his  eyes  out. 


f  nUUattoe  of  ae  foas  fn  fcfitdj  $lurufiug.ta&  ripectefc  to  be  tttfibrt  65 

17 


XII. 


patrimonial  d&ntowratntj— Jig&t  twtmta  foar. 


applictf)  ge 
nijj!)t-kf2  foitij  succcssg. 


\  |\ 

\WOKN  had  given  way  to  night 
fall. 
It  was  growing  dark  and 

darker, 
As  he  traveled,  whistling, 

homeward, 

Thinking,  ruminating  home 
ward. 


Long  the  journey  was  and  toilsome, 


THE  HERO  GOES  HOME.         131 

And  't  was  midnight,  after  midnight, 
Ere  he  reached  his  modest  mansion ; 
"Which  he  entered  with  his  night-key, 
With  his  surreptitious  night-key. 

Liberty  had  long  been  sleeping, 
Dreaming,  snoozing  in  her  bedroom, 
Dreaming  about  Nicaragua. 
Pluri-bus-tah  pulled  his  boots  off, 
Wound  his  watch,  and  hung  his  hat  up, 
Then  he  sat  him  down  to  ponder; 
In  his  mind  were  some  misgivings 
That  his  wife  would  raise  a  rumpus, 
And  that  he  had  best  be  ready, 
Beady  for  a  curtain  lecture. 
For  his  spouse,  though  kind  and  gentle, 
And  most  courteous  before  folks, 
Calling  him  "  my  love,"  before  folks, 
When  she  got  him  in  the  bedroom, 
And  the  door  was  closed  behind  them, 
She  was  "some"  on  curtain-lectures. 


132  COGITATION. 

As  he  sat  there,  thinking,  pondering, 
He  beheld,  within  the  closet 
Near,  his  suit  of  Sunday  broadcloth, 
All  his  Seventh-day  religion — 
Truth,  Benevolence,  and  Mercy, 
Charity,  and  Love  for  Brethren. 
Then  he  felt  within  his  pocket, 
Deep  recesses  of  his  pocket. 
And  from  thence  he  drew  his  idol — 
Drew  a  shining,  silver  DOLLAR. 
At  the  sight  his  heart  grew  harder ; 
At  the  sight  his  hand  clenched  firmer, 
And  Benevolence  and  Honor, 
Charity,  and  all  Keligion, 
Faded  into  air  before  it. 

Pluri-bus-tah  still  saw  Cuffee 
Drudging  in  the  swampy  rice-fields, 
But  he  felt  no  touch  of  mercy, 
Only  felt  the  silver  dollar, 
Only  saw  his  greasy  idol 


A    DESPERATE    RESOLVE.  133 

And  he  thought  upon  his  bargain, 
Wherein  he  got  all  the  winnings ; 
Cuffee  only  blows  and  bruises. 
Then  he  thought  upon  the  profit, 
Thought  upon  the  pile  of  dollars 
He  should  make  by  this  transaction. 
Then  his  conscience  died  within  him, 
Then  his  heart  grew  more  courageous, 
Then  he  marched  into  his  bedroom, 
Saw  his  wife  asleep  and  snoring. 
But  he  nerved  himself  to  wake  her, 
Meaning  there  to  stand  and  take  it, 
Stand  and  take  her  curtain-lecture. 
She  had  gone  to  bed  in  anger, 
Had  tied  on  her  blood-red  nightcap, 
Kolled  the  stars  and  stripes  about  her, 
Wrapped  the  bed-clothes  all  around  her, 
So  her  husband  should  not  get  them  ; 
And  she  lay  asleep  and  snoring, 
With  her  gaping  mouth  wide  open. 


134  SUAVITER    IN    MODO, 

Pluri-bus-tah's  courage  failed  him 
"When  lie  saw  the  blood-red  nightcap, 
But  he  took  another  toddy, 
Then  one  more,  and  cleared  for  action. 


not  foisfjing  to  afoahe  tf  rferpittfl  partner  of  a* 
concern,  treaUctfj 


Softly,  then  the  bed  approaching, 
With  a  hand  as  kind  and  gentle 
As  his  nerves  would  then  admit  of, 
He  began  to  wake  the  lady, 
Wake  his  wife,  with  fear  and  trembling. 
First  he  shook  her,  softly  speaking 
In  a  low,  caressing  whisper  : 
"  Liberty,  my  Love  :  I  want  you  ; 
Want  to  tell  you  something,  darling  : 
Wake  and  speak  to  Pluri-bus-tah." 
All  his  words  were  unavailing, 


FOBTITER    IN    RE.  135 

For  the  lady  kept  on  snoring. 

He  began  to  get  impatient, 

When  he  found  he  could  n't  wake  her, 

And  he  took  to  harsher  measures. 

First,  he  pulled  the  pillow-case  off, 
Then  he  snaked  the  stars  and  stripes  off, 
Then  he  jerked  the  feather-bed  off, 
Then  he  almost  jerked  her  head  off, 
Trying  to  jerk  her  scarlet  cap  off. 
But  these  efforts  could  not  wake  her, 
These  mild  measures  did  not  wake  her. 
Then  he  took  another  toddy, 
And  he  made  a  final  trial. 
Eound  he  went,  behind  the  bedstead, 
And,  with  one  tremendous  effort, 
Tipped  the  whole  concern  up  edgewise ; 
And  the  lady,  in  obedience 
To  the  laws  of  gravitation, 
Kolled,  full  length,  upon  the  carpet, 
Like  a  discontented  saw-log. 


136        THE    FEMALE    FLIES    TO    AEMS,   AND 


$IurMm0.ta[)  ietng  untrer  ue  influence  of  gf  Spirits,  caugetf)  ge  IBetteteatl  to 

tip  in  an  unaccountable  anto  fcoontoerful  manner;  ILibertjj  being 

mucfj  surprised  thereat. 

With  a  bound,  like  Gabriel  Eavel^ 
When  he  jumps  through  some  big  mountain, 
Through  some  interposing  mountain, 
Liberty  sprang  from  the  carpet ; 
Sprang  to  arms  and  caught  the  broomstick, 
Kan  and  caught  a  hickory  broomstick, 
Which  she  flourished  o'er  her  husband. 
Vengeance  in  her  eye  was  flashing 
As  she  stood  before  her  husband, 
With  the  hickory  broom  uplifted. 
And  this  amiable  couple, 
Standing  there  within  their  bedroom, 


THE    AGGEESSOR    SUES    FOR    MERCY. 

Formed  a  splendid  living  picture, 
Formed  a  grand  tableau  nocturnal. 


Hifctrta  (ae  tnucf)  a&usrt),  fceCiutf)  fjer  position  as  ce  Strong,  mi  nfcrti  JEZH 

But  the  lady  did  not  strike  him ; 
For  he  was  so  "very  humble/' 
And   his  air  so  supplicating, 
She,  at  once,  laid  down  her  weapon. 
She,  the  first  "  strong-minded  woman/' 
Yielded  to  the  cry  for  mercy — 
Then,  approaching  Pluri-bus-tah, 
Threw  her  dainty  arms  about  him, 
All  his  absence  then  forgiving. 
Then  a  thought  struck  Pluri-bus-tah 
That  he'd  make  a  bowl  of  toddy 
And  invite  hig  wife  to  share  it, 


138  PUNCH, 

That  he'd  touch  her  soul  with  toddy, 
Mollify  her  heart  with  whiskey, 
Get  her  feeling  nice  and  jolly ; 
Then,  when  they  were  snug  and  cozy, 
In  the  height  of  her  good  nature, 
He  would  break  his  fearful  tidings, 
And  would  tell  the  whole  true  story 
Of  his  fight  with  sable  Cuffee. 


$luri.!ws'ta&  ajsssistetf)  &  gentle  Eibertg  to  &  srtwcti&e  concoction 
calleti  bs  2e  ancients,  punef). 

So  he  made  the  whiskey-toddy, 
Made  it  hot,  and  sweet,  and  steaming, 
Placed  the  bowl  upon  the  table, 
And  they  two  sat  down  to  share  it. 
While  with  fear  and  trepidation, 
(For  he  feared  a  slight  disturbance 


AS    A    PEACEMAKER. 

Of  his  loved  domestic  quiet,) 
He  the  history  unfolded, 
Told  her  the  minutest  details; 
Link  by  link,  he  let  the  chain  out, 
As  he  saw  the  toddy  working. 
Till  at  last  he  got  to  "finis/' 
Liberty  had  coolly  listened, 
Listened  with  her  whole  attention, 
Drank  his  words  in  with  her  whiskey, 
But  no  syllable  had  spoken, 
Had  not  breathed  above  a  whisper, 
Had  not  drank  above  a  gallon. 
But  when  Pluri-bus-tah  finished, 
When  he  had,  at  last,  concluded, 
And  the  toddy-bowl  was  empty, 
Liberty,  with  grace  uprising, 
Placed  her  lovely  arms  akimbo, 
In  an  attitude  so  classic, 
Resolute,  and  energetic, 
As  would  win  the  admiration 


140  BREAKERS    AHEAD. 

Of  Miss  Stone  and  Mrs.  Blackwell, 
Mrs.  Kose,  and  Mrs.  Davis, 
And  all  others  of  the  modern 
Breeches-claiming  school  of  women ; 
With  her  hair  done  up  in  papers, 
And  her  feet  in  slouchy  slippers, 
With  her  sleeves  rolled  to  her  elbows, 
With  her  little  fists  close  doubled, 
Thus  she  stood,  upright,  defiant, 
To  give  Pluri-bus-tah  "Jesse." 


3Be  fltntlt  ILfterta  failing  partafer n  copiouslg  of  g'  puncjj,  foia&tfy 
to  puncl)  }JHun«bug'ta&. 


XIII. 

Jl  topraiw,  sn&  tofcat  rams  »f  it. 


33Iacfta< 


tnoor  foaitftf)  for  2e  to 
of  Q'  ilttrfjrn  Cabinet. 


LUKI-BUS-TAH,  fearing, 

trembling, 

Got  behind  the  little  table, 
Armed  himself  with  tongs 

and  poker, 

Making  hasty  preparations 
For  the  storm  he  saw  was 

coming. 
In  suspense  not  long  she 

kept  him, 


Thus  she  opened  fire  upon  him : 


142  A    WHITE    SQUALL 

"So  you've  gone  and  got  a  nigger, 
Got  a  woolly-headed  nigger. 
I  hate  darkies,  I   can't  bear  them  ; 
If  you  don't  send  this  one  trooping, 
Send  him  off  about  his  business, 
I'll  clear  out,  /  won't   stay  with  you. 
So  you  can  now  choose  between  us, 
Lose  your  wife,  or  give  up  Cuffee." 

Pluri-bus-tah  half  relented, 
Had  almost  a  mind  to  promise, 
But  the  hand  within  his  pocket, 
Closed  upon  the  silver  dollar. 
Then  the  heart  within  his  bosom 
Hardened  to  the  wrongs  of  Cuffee. 
Then  he  saw  the  pile  of  dollars 
He  should  save  by  keeping  Cuffee. 
Then  he   thought  upon  his  marriage, 
Which  was  but  a  Free-love  marriage  ; 
Thought  that  if  his  wife  should  leave  him, 
She  would  have  no  claim  upon  him, 


ABOUT  A  BLACK  SUBJECT.        143 

Claim  for  maintenance  or  dower, 
For  the  law  of  Free-love  weddings, 
Law  of  "Passional  Attraction/' 
Doesn't  give  to  either  party 
Claim  upon  the  other's  money. 

With  this  comfort  in  his  bosom, 
And  the  dollars  in  his  pocket, 
Then  he  plucked  his  little  spunk  up, 
Faced  his  wife,  with  timid  courage, 
Told  her  he  should  keep  the  nigger, 
She  might  go  about  her  business. 
Told  her  that  if  she  did  leave  him, 
She  was  wrong  and  lie  was  blameless ; 
That  if  they  were  now  divided, 
She  it  was  "  de'ssolved  the  Union — " 
She  de'ssolved  their  "glorious  Union." 
Then  he  called  her  names  opprobrious — 
"Abolitionist/'  "Fanatic"— 
Threatened  that,  if  she  should  leave  him, 
He  would  find  a  female  Cuffee, 


144  THE    FEMALE    FACTION    FAINTS. 

And  would  take  her  to  his  bosom. 
All  his  thousand  thousand  acres, 
All  should  be  assigned  to  Cuffee, 
He  himself  be  ruled  by  Cuffee, 
Liberty  might  go  to  thunder  ! 
Then,  of  course,  the  lady  fainted, 
Made  the  proper  preparations, 
With  a  view  to  falling  easy, 
Then,  in  one  despairing  bellow, 
Howled  these  words  at  Pluri-bus-tah : 
"  Take  your  Cuffee— go  to  Cuffee-— 
Leave  your  wife  and  go  to  Cuffee !" 


2*  fragile  anto  fjeart-brofcen  Ht'bfrtn  famtftf),  or  a»  a*  fjeatfirn 

toouItJ  sag,  "  Caflumii'fc." 

When  the  lady  fell  and  fainted, 
Pluri-bui-tah's  courage  failed  him. 


A    BAEGAIN.  145 

From  the  carpet  up  he  raised  her, 
Down  upon  the  hed  he  laid  her, 
And  attempted  to  revive  her, 
Kuhbed  her  hands  and  chafed  her  temples, 
Sprinkled  her  with  dirty  water, 
Scorched  her  nose  with  burning  feathers, 
Which  restored  her  to  her  senses. 
On  his  knees  he  went  before  her, 
Offering,  if  she  would  forgive  him, 
Stay  with  him  and  not  desert  him, 
He  would  compromise  the  matter ; 
Make  her  satisfied  with  CufFee. 

After  sobbing,  sighing,  whining, 
They  agreed  upon  this  bargain. 
Cuffee  still  should  work  the  rice-fields, 
Still  should  work  the  Southern  rice-fields, 
Still  raise  cotton  and  tobacco 
In  the  South,  for  Pluri-bus-tah. 
But  she  drew  a  line  to  stop  him, 

Stop  the  sable  darkey,  Cuffee, 
19 


146  THE    QUESTION    SETTLED. 

Keep  him  on  his  own  plantations, 
And  she  called  it  Mah-sun-dic-sun. 


3*  popular  xt»ta  af  fKuon  anH  Diion'»  lint,    gt  publirk  IB  rrBpfftfuflj  {a* 
formrt  tl)at  tyts  fw  no  (oniuttion  toitl)  fit  Blach.ball  line. 


XIV. 

got  |*r  spnk  up  sn&  left 


TRANGE  to  say,  this  holy  horror, 
This  unbounded,  pious  horror, 
Of  oppression  and  wrong-doing, 
Which  the  lady  had  paraded 

mttrlj 

In  the  cause  of  colored  Cuffee, 

ft?)  to  Irabr  jit'  D*E. 

toTfa^-tinTfor'a     Was  not  always  quite  apparent, 

When,  within  the  Northern  Cities, 


Srracg  CTttn 
Coat. 


148  STBAINING    AT    A    GATE 

White  men  were  the  ones  downtrodden, 

Ruled  by  masters  quite  as  brutal, 

Quite  as  grasping  and  exacting, 

Wielding  lashes  quite  as  cruel 

As  the  ones  which  Southern  drivers 

Flourished  over  sable  Cuffee. 

But  the  lady,  when  she  wanted 

Matter  for  her  indignation, 

Did  not  look  at  home,  or  near  her, 

But  she  turned  her  distant  vision 

To  the  line  of  Mah-sun-die-sun. 

Thus  she  overlooked  the  rascals 
Who,  at  home,  her  name  insulted, 
Did  not  see  the  frauds  and  falsehoods 
Of  the  men  who  wore  her  colors, 
Who  professed  to  do  her  bidding 
In  the  Councils  of  the  nation  ; 
Did  not  see  the  secret  conclave, 
Headed  by  designing  scoundrels, 
Working  in  congenial  darkness, 


AND    SWALLOWING    A    SAW-MILL.  149 

To  prescribe  the  rights  of  white  men  ; 
Striving,  white  men's  hands  to  fetter, 
White  men's  tongues  to  gag  and  silence, 
White  men's  homes  to  wreck  and  ruin, 


Corrwt  representation  of  5*  Unofo-Notfjing's  (SranS.ILotrse,  from  u  $fjoto» 
grapf)  63  g£  grcat  Uratig. 

White  men's  hearts  to  crush  forever ; 

Doing  every  kindred  outrage 

In  the  sacred  name  of  Freedom — 

Did  not  see  within  the  cities 

All  the  festering  corruption 

Which  their  rulers  knew  and  nurtured — 

Theft,  and  robbery,  and  killing, 

Murder,  and  assassination. 


150  WHO    LIVE    IN    GLASS    HOUSES 

These,  and  other  little  trifles 

Which  free  white  folks  there  encountered, 

Needed  quite  as  much  correction, 

Needed  it,  perhaps,  as  quickly 

As  did  Cuffee  need  his  freedom. 

Strange  she  did  not  see  that  white  men 
In  her  Northern,  lauded  countries, 
With  their  boasting  brag  of  freedom 
Had  their  own  peculiar  bondage, 
Their  "peculiar  institution," 
Had  a  universal  master ; 
Had  a  master  who  exacted 
An  obedience  far  more  abject 
Than  was  ever  asked  of  Cuffee 
By  the  great  Tobacco  Kaisers 
In  the  Mah-sun-dic-sun  country. 

Liberty  passed  by  this  serfdom, 
Did  not  see  that  all  were  servants, 
Slaves  to  the  Almighty  Dollar. 
But  the  lady's  soul  and  spirit 


SHOULDN'T    THEOW    STONES.  151 

Were  intent  on  other  business, 
Other  things  of  more  importance, 
And  her  charity  expended 
Upon  evils  far  more  distant ; 
So,  at  home,  the  wrong  was  growing, 
Till  the  far-off  wrong  was  righted. 
Liberty  thus  made  her  mind  up, 
"White  folks,  you  must  wait  for  CufFee. 
If  you're  murdered,  'grin  and  bear  it/ 
I  can  only  stop  these  murders 
And  attend  to  home  religion, 
When  the  heathen  lands  are  godly, 
Borrioboola  Gha  converted." 

In  the  morning,  when  the  sisters, 
Peace  and  Thrift  came  down  to  breakfast, 
They  demanded  explanation 
Of  the  great  nocturnal  rumpus. 
Liberty  explained  the  matter, 
All  her  husband's  faults  excusing. 
But  the  sisters  rose  together, 


152  A    FAMILY    FIGHT. 

Kose  and  swore  they  'd  leave  the  country, 
Since  she  quarreled  with  her  husband. 
Liberty  implored,  entreated, 
Begged,  with  tears  and  supplications., 
They  would  stay  and  not  desert  her. 
Thrift  was  won  by  her  persuasion, 
And  agreed  that  she  'd  stand  by  her, 
She  'd  stand  by  her  weeping  sister. 
Thus  she  whispered,  to  console  her : 
"Where  my  sister  lives  will  I  live, 
Where  her  home  is  there  shall  mine  be: 
When  she  dies  or  leaves  the  country, 
I  will  follow  next  express-train." 

Gentle  Peace  had  got  her  grit  up, 
Got  her  "dander"  fairly  risen, 
And  had  packed  her  trunks  and  bandbox, 
Had  got  ready  bag  and  baggage, 
Heady  for  her  homeward  journey. 
Then,  with  tears,  she  kissed  her  sisters, 
Gave  them  a  promiscuous  kissing 


EXIT    IN    A    BAGE.  153 

On  their  faces,  necks,  and  shoulders, 
And  embraced  them  with  such  feeling, 
With  such  tenderness  and  pathos 
That  she  tore  their  hooks  and  eyes  off. 
Here  she  got  on  board  the  steamer 
And  departed  from  the  country, 
Looking  very  sad  and  sea-sick. 


©foittjj  to  2f  roughness  of  gr  &ojjagr,  geace  rastrtfj  up  fjfr  Accounts. 

This  is  why  these  broad  dominions, 
All  the  lands  of  Pluri-bus-tah, 
Never  have  known  peace  or  quiet 
Since  that  fight  with  curly  Cuffee. 
For  while  Cuffee  kept  his  promise 

And  attended  to  his  business, 
20 


154          CUFFEE    TAKES    A    COMMON-SENSE 

Keeping  Southward  of  the  landmark, 
Of  the  line  of  Mah-sun-dic-sun, 
At  the  yearly  lection  season, 
Northern  candidates  for  office, 
Making  speeches  full  of  horror, 
Showing  furious  indignation 
At  the  slavery  of  Cuifee  ; 
Then  would  try  to  coax  him  Westward 


onljj  true  anto  authentic  representation  of  gf  iElntJfr.grouuti  JJailfoag,  from  a* 
original,  fig  om  foijo  fcnofog. 

By  the  subterranean  railroad. 

Cuffee's  masters  this  resented 

And  kicked  up  a  muss  about  it, 

So  there  was  a  constant  squabble 

For  the  liberty  of  Cuffee. 

He,  himself,  not  interested 

In  the  wrangling  of  the  white  men, 


VIEW    OF    THE    QUESTION.  155 

Sat  him  in  the  chimney-corner, 
With  his  hoe-cake  and  his  fiddle, 
Never  thinking,  never  caring, 
Who  would  win  the  fight,  or  lose  it, 
Satisfied  that  all  the  white  men, 
Whether  Northern,  whether  Southern, 
When  they  had  him,  would  compel  him 
Still  to  do  their  menial  service. 

So  he  sat  him  down,  contented 
With  his  hoe-cake  and  his  fiddle, 
Since  for  white  men  he  must  labor, 
Caring  not  where  lived  his  master, 
Whether  North,  or  whether  Southward 
Of  the  line  of  Mah-sun-dic-sun. 


unfortunate  anti  toofontroWKit  Blacftamoor  e nfoaetfj 


XV. 


itotftr  anfc 
king  MI. 


IBEBTY,  like  other  ladies, 
SS:  Loved  her  lord  as  ladies  ought  to; 

.  1 

And  one  summer  morning  early, 
With  a  son  her  spouse  presented : 
Heir  to  all  his  sire's  dominions, 


BOCK    THE    CRADLE    LUCY. 

All  the  land  from  shore  to  mountain, 
All  the  seas,  and  lakes,  and  rivers; 
Heir  to  all  the  lazy  white  folks ; 
Heir  to  Cuffee  and  his  "increase," 
"  Increase"  sable,  yellow,  piebald ; 


rocfcctf)  se  Cratile,  atf&  3mgctf)  ge  faforttt  Song  of 
"  CSo  it  fcofjile  get  goung,"  rtc. 


Heir  to  every  thing  his  father 
Heretofore  had  been  the  lord  of. 

Pluri-bus-tah  now  was  getting 
Somewhat  feeble  and  decrepit 
From  old  age  and  much  exertion. 
So  he  stayed  at  home  contented. 
Stayed  at  home  to  tend  the  baby. 


158  YUNGA-MEKRAKAH 

Yunga-merrakah  they  called  him, 
Called  this  darling,  precious  offspring, 
Which,  translated,  means  "some  pumpkins;" 
And  he  grew  and  thrived  as  no  one 
E'er  before  had  seen  a  "human." 

When  he  had  been  born  a  fortnight, 
He  was  missed  from  home  one  Sunday, 
As  the  fire  alarm  was  sounding. 
Then  was  fear  and  consternation  ; 
For  they  feared  the  lovely  youngster 
Might,  perhaps,  have  been  run  over; 
Might  have  fallen  in  the  river, 
Might,  perhaps,  have  "got  his  neck  broke;" 
Might  have  "been  and  gone  and  done  it/' 
In  some  way  they  could  not  think  of. 
So  they  searched  in  all  directions, 
Francticly,  in  all  directions — 
All  the  family  and  servants, 
With  the  whole  corps  of  policemen, 
Headed  by  Steve  Branch  and  Matsell, 


BUNS    WITH    THE    MACHINE. 

Who  walked,  arm  in  arm,  together, 
Talking  about  Briggs  and  Brandon. 

But  'twas  Pluri-bus-tah  found  him, 
Pound  him  coming,  in  his  shirt-sleeves, 
With  an  engine  from  the  Bowery, 
Prom  a  fire  up  in  the  Bowery, 


159 


2gunjja»fHmafcaf) 


to»fo»rwp«Mi 


With  his  boots  outside  his  breeches, 
With  a  hat,  cigar,  and  trumpet, 
Looking  like  an  infant  "Syksey." 

When  his  father  tried  to  take  him 
In  his  arms,  to  bear  him  homeward, 
Yunga-merrakah  resented 
His  parental  interference, 


160  HOMEWARD    BOUND. 

And  squared  off  like  Thomas  Hyer; 
Crying  to  his  frightened  father, 
"G'way,  old  fel,  or  I  shall  hit  yer. 
If  you  don't  go  'way  and  leave  me, 
111  get  '  Forty's'  boys  to  lick  yer  I" 
Pluri-bus-tah  called  on  Matsell, 
Trying  to  induce  the  youngster 
To  return  and  see  his  mother. 
And  at  last  they  called  a  carriage, 
Then  they  formed  a  grand  procession, 
With  a  guard  of  honor  round  it ; 
Thus  they  took  him  home,  lamenting. 


0, 


infant  ^proUtgji  is  conbrselJ  to  a*  paternal  &aof  I)g  ac  Jjrcat 
Cfjt'cf  fHatsell  anti  jj?  JJcscrbctr  (Corps. 

From  this  time  the  youngster  ruled  them, 
Kuled  the  household  and  the  country. 
Pluri-bus-tah  couldn't  whip  him, 


PLUKI-BUS-TAH'S  LABOE.  161 

Neither  could  his  mother  spank  him; 
But  the  boy  was  lord  and  master — 
And  his  parents  yielded  to  him. 
Pluri-bus-tah,  turning  sadly 
From  the  boy,  too  big  to  manage, 
Still  went  piling  up  the  dollars — 
Piled  them  up  in  heaps  like  mountains, 
For  his  hopeful  son  to  scatter. 


Jg*  fcag  in  fof)tcl)  plurf-bus-taf)  pilftf)  up  gc  filtljg  lucre. 

Still,  with  old  and  shriveled  fingers, 

Still,  with  body  bending  double, 

Bent  with  age  and  bowed  with  sorrow, 

Still,  with  face  all  deeply  wrinkled, 

Still,  with  life  and  spirit  ebbing, 

While  each  pulse-throb  and  each  heart-beat 

Op'd  his  ready  grave  still  wider, 
21 


162  YUNGA-MERRAKAH    PROGRESSES 

The  old  man  still  kept  grasping,  gaining, 
Eeaping,  piling  up  the  dollars, 
For  his  hopeful  son  to  scatter. 

And  the  boy,  thus  loved  and  cherished, 
Kept  on  growing  fast  and  faster, 
Kept  on  getting  "fast"  and  "faster;" 
And  his  doting  father  kept  him 
In  the  city  of  Manhattan, 
To  complete  his  education. 
Kept  him  there  to  learn  his  country, 
All  about  its  early  story, 
All  about  its  present  greatness, 
All  its  power,  and  might,  and  greatness ; 
Trusting  he  would  come  to  love  it — 
Love  the  land  of  Pluri-bus-tah  : 
And  would  learn  the  art  of  battle, 
That  he  might  from  foes  protect  it ; 
Learn  the  art  of  navigation, 
That  he  might  increase  its  commerce ; 
Learn  the  value  of  his  country, 


IN    HIS    STUDIES. 

And  develop  its  resources. 
Yunga-Merrakah  was  willing 
To  commence  this  undertaking, 
And  at  once  procured  him  teachers 
In  the  city,  to  instruct  him. 

Here  he  studied  navigation, 
Here  he  practised  ball  projection. 


163 


JJr  precocious  ro-ttb  gunsa'fHnrafcaf)  tirtrtf)  SLrssnns  in  sf  rurtoua  Cam* 
raHfO  Silliartis  'to  n  jjf  «.rpfrifncrt> 


Here  he  learned  to  use  the  broad-sword, 
Learned  to  wield  the  heavy  broad-sword, 
Learned  from  seeing  others  do  it  ; 
For  he  would  not  tire  his  muscle, 
Bun  the  risk  of  blows  and  bruises, 
On  his  precious  head  and  shoulders  ; 


164  THE    SANGUINARY 

For  he  knew  'twould  grieve  Ms  mother, 
To  behold  her  boy  all  gory, 
Bleeding  from  a  broad-sword  combat. 
So  he  went  unto  the  Bowery, 
To  the  Theater  in  the  Bowery  : 
There,  from  robber-chiefs  and  brigands, 
There,  from  corsairs  and  highwaymen, 
There,  from  bandits,  rogues,  and  pirates, 
There,  from  bloody-minded  sailors, 


:  trrriffc  combat  in  g*  famous  tragcUg  of  g*  pea.gron  $dtcan,  or  fi*  lost 
STootfjptcft,  as  jsfcetcfjcti  bg  gunga«jSt 


There  was  where  our  youthful  hero 
Learned  the  mighty  sword  to  brandish 
In  the  cause  of  this  his  country. 
When  his  courage  was  excited 
By  a  long  protracted  combat, 


ARTS    OP    WAR.  165 

He  would  want  to  show  his  prowess, 
And  would  seek  for  foes  to  conquer — 
Seek  them  in  some  neighboring  "alley" 
Where  the  balls  were  big  and  plenty, 
Where  the  cannon-balls  were  heavy, 
Where  the  men  were  sound  and  solid, 
And  would  bear  a  deal  of  knocking 
Without  fighting  or  resisting. 
Here  he'd  have  the  small  boy  set  them 
In  platoons,  upon  the  "alley," 
Headed  by  a  noble  captain. 


J}e  noble  (Captain,  ae  scamti  tip,  se  foattmti  Captain. 

Then  he'd  take  his  hostile  station, 
Take  his  station  in  his  shirt-sleeves, 
Boldly  fronting  his  opponents 


166  THE    BATTLE    OP 

Without  trembling,  fear,  or  flinching. 
Lifting  then  the  dire  projectile, 
Soon  to  scatter  dea^h.  among  them, 
O'er  his  head,  with  care,  he'd  poise  it. 
To  the  earth,  with  grace,  he'd  lower  it, 
Then  among  their  ranks  he'd  hurl  it, 
Dealing  death,  and  getting  "  ten-strikes." 


gunjja.JHcrra!taf)  Tjantrtrtf)  5*  Ba'I  faitfj  juBgmtnt  ait 


Then,  before  their  ranks  could  rally, 
While  their  men  were  in  confusion, 
While  his  next  cigar  was  lighting, 
While  his  "whisky-skin"  was  making, 
He  would  shout  his  fearful  war-cry, 


TEN-PTJN-ALLAH.  167 

Yunga-Merrakah's  dire  war-cry. 
Through  the  alley,  through  the  bar-room, 
Through  the  fumes  of  gin  and  whisky, 
Through  the  clouds  of  thick  cigar-smoke, 
Would  be  heard  his  rallying  war-cry, 
"  Set  'em  up,  there,  on  both  alleys  1" 

Thus,  like  Tennyson's  six  hundred, 
He  would  fight  the  dreadful  combat, 
Though  the  foes  were  ten  against  him, 
Ten  to  one  !  an  odds  most  fearful ! 
He  would  fight  without  despairing, 
Without  yielding,  without  shrinking, 
"  Without  winking,  without  blinking/* 
But,  we  can't  say,  without  drinking. 
He  would  fight  till  they  had  yielded, 
Till  his  foemen,  all,  were  scattered, 
And  the  alley-boy  was  sleeping, 
And  he'd  won  a  glorious  battle. 
O'er  his  conquered  foes  exulting, 
He  would  drink  a  glass  at  parting, 


168  THE    VICTORY. 

Drink  this  merry  toast  at  parting, 
"  Yunga-merrakah,  forever  ! 
Who  has  won  this  glorious  battle, 
Won  the  field  of  Ten-pun-Allah  1" 


«pprarance  of  af  &tena  toebotrt  to  5*  fieatt&ful  pagtime  of  Eenpfn* 
after  se  flame. 


XYI. 

tmiwm  (is  Statos— jjis 


he  learned  the  arts  of  fish-craft : 
to  catch  the  oily  porpoise, 
the  rouged  and  painted  dolphin, 
With  his  fancy-dress-ball  jacket ; 
the  seal,  so  soft  and  furry, 
the  shark,  with  smile  so  pleasant, 

Not  to  catch  the  whale,  so  mighty, 

As  his  father  did  before  him — 


fcrabm  bg  an  Qrt. 

fet,nota*ucfur.Not 


1VO  BENIGHTED    JERSEY 

But  to  set  the  bristling  shad-stakes ; 
Catch  dock-eels  and  smelts  and  sunfish, 
How  to  snare  the  nimble  porgies, 
How  to  trap  the  graceful  flounders, 
How  to  lure  the  crabs  and  lobsters, 
Lure  the  beauteous  crabs  and  lobsters 
From  their  homes  among  the  sea-weed. 

And  he  studied  navigation, 
Learned  the  art  of  navigation : 
How  to  run  a  lazy  mud-scow, 
How  to  steer  a  tossing  clam-boat, 
Steer  it  without  sky  or  compass, 
Steer  it  without  star  or  needle, 
Far  across  the  world  of  waters, 
To  the  unknown  land  of  Jersey, 
The  benighted  land  of  Jersey  ; 
Land  which  Liberty,  his  mother, 
Never  yet  had  set  her  foot  in. 

He  would  boldly  steer  his  clam-boat 
To  the  city  of  Hoboken, 


AND     ITS    WONDKOUS    CITY.  171 

City  of  the  Target-Shooters, 
City  of  the  Sunday-Dutchmen, 
City  which  can't  pay  its  taxes, 
City  which  can't  pay  its  servants, 
City  which  don't  pay  expenses, 
City  which  is  now  beseeching 
Jersey  City  to  adopt  it — 
City  which  has  sold  its  court-house 
For  the  charges  of  the  builder., 
City,  which,  if  pawned  for  sixpence, 
Could  n't  pay  for  its  redemption. 
Yunga-Merrakah,  so  fearless, 
Here  would  steer  his  tossing  clam-boat, 
Here  would  land  upon  their  borders, 
All  the  Jerseymen  defying  ; 
Jerseymen,  who  live  on  strangers, 
Live,  and  feed,  and  fat,  on  strangers; 
Jerseymen  who,  every  morning, 
When  they  kneel  with  their  petitions, 
Alter  all  the  words  and  language 


172  JERSEY    PRAYERS. 

For  the  latitude  of  Jersey. 

"Give  us,  this  day,  our  daily"  stranger, 

Is  the  Jersey  supplication, 

Altered  and  revised  "by  statute. 

And,  where'er  the  Common  Prayer-Book 

Supplicates  for  grace  and  blessings 

On  "  the  President  and  Congress/' 

Jersey  prayers  are  written  "for  the 

Camden  and  the  Amboy  Kailroad." 


fg«  Woott'tfrfrstg  Sfwesman  pursuetf)  2E  timfti  ffirabelUr  tfjat  refusttf)  to 
title  in  fcangerous  3UatI«cars. 


Yunga-Merrakah,  thus  tutored 
By  his  kind  and  careful  teachers, 
By  the  gentlemanly  "  short-boys," 
Soon  learned  all  the  modern  graces, 
Learned  the  secrets  of  the  bar-room, 


MYSTERIES    OF    UDOLPHO.  173 

Learned  where  he  could  find  good  liquor, 

In  the  land  of  Pluri-bus-tah. 

This,  dear  toddy-loving  reader, 

Unsophisticated  reader, 

Older  heads  than  ours  would  puzzle, 

Even  in  these  "Aromatic" 

Days  of  good  "  Scheidam"  Udolpho, 

But  our  literary  hero, 

In  his  course  of  education, 

Bead  "the  Mysteries  of  Udolpho/' 


Learned  the  history  of  Udolpho, 
Learned  to  tell  the  real  Udolpho 
From  the  spurious  Udolpho, 


174     HOW    TO    TELL    THE    GENUINE    ARTICLE, 

By  the  cork,  and  by  the  label, 

By  the  square,  high-shouldered  bottle, 

By  the  smell,  and  by  the  tasting. 


rare  anU  most  bcauttfullg  ftountJ  Folttme  of 


XVII. 


ft  still  nmiittttts  |is  Steiiw. 
fwgras. 

J| 


his  course  of  education, 
Yunga-Merrakah  encountered 
Murphy,  the  most  fashionable 
,  but  BC.  Gamester  in  the.  mighty  city, 

burtibf  Implements 

of  (Gamblers,  from  In  the  city  of  Manhattan. 

a  Sfcetef)  taften  ie» 

t&>«n  acts.  Murphy  knew  the  game   of  paste- 

board, 


176  METEOPOLITAN 

Games  with  pretty,  painted  pasteboard; 
He  knew  all  the  games  with  ivory- 
Globes  of  ivory,  cubes  of  ivory, 
Pretty,  shining  cubes  of  ivory ; 
In  a  wooden  box  he  placed  them, 
Shook  and  jostled  them  together, 
Threw  them  on  the  board  before  him, 
Thus  exclaiming  and  explaining — 
"  Eight  side  up  are  all  the  pieces ; 
Two  are  threes,  and  two  are  sixes ; 
Eighteen,  don't  you  see,  are  counted  ?" 
And  he  knew  the  game  of  thimbles — 
Knew  the  game  of  triple  thimbles, 
Thimbles  three  and  "  little  joker ;" 
And  he  thus  to  him  explained  it : 
On  his  knee  he  placed  the  thimbles ; 
Under  one  he  put  the  joker ; 
Then  he  moved  them  with  his  fingers — 
"  One  goes  this  way,  one  goes  that  way ; 
One  goes  over,  one  goes  under; 


AMUSEMENTS. 


177 


Now's  the  time  to  bet  your  money — 

Bet  it  on  the  little  joker ; 

Where 's  the  little  joker  gone  to  ?" 


Jge  s&ftbrti  anS  energetic  (Samfcler  plagetfj  ge  (Same  ealtoi " ge  little 
Joker,"  for  ae  Amusement  of  ae  atinttring  populace. 

And  he  knew  the  patent-safe  game, 
With  its  treacherous  bit  of  paper, 
And  its  secret,  sliding  cover ; 
But  he  didn't  tell  the  safe  game, 
Fearing  it  would  spoil  his  business. 

Yunga-merrakah  was  anxious 

To  be  taught  the  games  of  pasteboard ; 
23 


178  THE    GAMES    OP    PASTEBOARD. 

But  the  careful,  cautious  Murphy 

Tho  aristocratic  Murphy, 

The  genteel,  black-bearded  Murphy, 

Would  not  play  outside  his  mansion, 

Fearing  folks  would  say  he  cheated, 

And  would  set  policemen  on  him 

And  would  have  them  both  arrested 

Have  them  borne  before  the  judges. 

Not  that  Murphy  feared  policemen, 

Not  that  Murphy  feared  the  judges ; 

Murphy  had  a  potent  weapon 

Which  could  sweep  them  all  before  him ; 

But  he  did  not  want  the  people, 

Want  the  idle,  chattering  people, 

To  inquire  his  avocation, 

Ask  him  how  he  got  his  living ; 

So  he  took  our  youthful  hero, 

Led  him  to  his  Broadway  mansion, 

There  to  show  him  all  the  mysteries, 

Teach  him  all  the  games  of  pasteboard. 


WHY    THE    STARS    DONT    STOP    IT. 

Yunga-Mcrrakah  then  asked  him, 
"  If  your  games  are  so  unlawful, 
Why  do  not  the  'star'  policemen — 
The  policemen  who  are  models, 
Who  have  won  the  Mayor's  medals, 
Won  the  German-silver  medals, 
Which  the  Mayor  didn't  pay  for, 
But  charged  over  to  the  city — 
Why  do  not  these  said  policemen 
Come  in  here  and  stop  your  gaming? 
Murphy  winked  his  glistening  optic, 
On  his  nose  he  placed  his  finger, 
While  he  slowly,  slyly  whispered, 
"Though  the  Mayor's  star  policemen 
Know  my  house,  and  know  my  calling, 
They  sometimes  themselves  will  enter, 
Here  to  play  the  games  of  pasteboard. 
And  these  model  star  policemen 
All  are  very  lucky  fellows  ; 
For  they  always  win  my  money ; 


180  NOTHING    VENTURE 

And  their  good  luck  always  blinds  them 
To  my  house,  and  to  my  gaming, 
Till  their  winnings  are  exhausted ; 
Then,  again,  they're  sure  to  enter, 
Here  to  play  the  games  of  pasteboard." 


3*  Cuartians  of  g*  Ctta  Pl*S  at  j«  faborite  ffiamt. 

Satisfied  with  this  explaining, 
Yunga-Merrakah  was  willing, 
Then,  to  learn  the  game  of  "  Faro" 
Of  disinterested  Murphy. 

At  the  table  they  were  seated, 
With  their  piles  of  heaped-up  money 
On  the  green  cloth  on  the  table. 
Murphy  held  the  painted  pasteboards ; 
One  by  one  he  slowly  dealt  them, 


NOTHING    HAVE.  J81 

From  a  box  of  shining  metal — 
Dealt,  and  laid  them  on  the  table — 
In  two  separate  piles  he  laid  them, 
Side  by  side  upon  the  table. 
On  the  ace  or  on  the  ten-spot, 
On  the  king,  or  knave,  or  eight-spot, 
On  the  queen,  or  on  the  four-spot, 
Yunga-Merrakah  was  betting ; 
Betting  all  his  pocket-money — 
Money,  with  his  mother's  likeness 
Stamped  upon  each  dime  and  quarter. 
But  he  cared  not  for  his  mother; 
Only  cared  to  learn  of  Murphy 
How  to  play  the  game  of  faro. 

All  night  long  the  luckless  youngster 
Played  with  Murphy,  cunning  Murphy ; 
Played  till  midnight,  played  till  morning, 
Played  until  the  lucky  Murphy 
Of  his  treasures  had  despoiled  him. 
He  lost  all  his  pocket-money, 


1.82  HE    LOSES    ALL    HE    OWNS. 

Every  dollar,  every  penny ; 
Then  he  took  his  diamond  pin  off, 
Then  he  took  his  diamond  ring  off, 
And  he  took  his  golden  studs  out, 
Took  his  watch,  and  took  his  chain  off, 
Bet  them  all  upon  the  ten-spot, 
Lost  them  all  to  cunning  Murphy. 
Then  he  took  his  broadcloth  coat  off, 
Then  he  took  his  satin  vest  off, 
Then  he  took  his  silk  cravat  off, 
Took  his  patent-leather  boots  off; 
Glaring  wildly  upon  Murphy, 


after  g'  excitement  of  a'  Cbrnfng, 
tafcrtl)  an  airing. 


WHAT    HE    DOES    ABOUT    IT.  183 

Flung  them  wildly  on  the  table, 
Bet  them  wildly  on  the  ten-spot — 
Lost !   and,  wildly,  promenaded, 
Coatless,  bootless,  breathless,  brainless, 
Through  the  snow  back  to  his  mother. 


XVIII. 

,  grin  tofcat  tft*B  fofo  toity 


VERY  day  tlie  evening 

found  him 

In    the    cunning    Mur 
phy's  mansion. 

^    J 

-p    , ,.  ,.-,1   i- 

-Betting  Still  JUS 

money, 

Betting  now  his  father's  money, 
Betting  now  his  mother's  money, 
Betting  any  body's  money, 


Plur{.fiu2'tak  a'  fcenetable,  fctcfcetf)  ae 
Bucfcet.  ge  fceatiet  is  remmUeti  tfjat 
2e  last  iuortg  tuctf ,  "  IE  iit  a  true 
Smmtan." 


MORE    LOSSES.  185 

Losing  every  body's  money, 
All  that  he  could  beg  or  borrow. 
From  his  father's  till  he  took  it, 
From  his  mother's  pocket  niched  it; 
And  he  lost  it  all  to  Murphy, 
Lost  it  in  the  game  of  faro. 

Then   his   friends,   the  gamblers,  taught 

him, 

When  his  money  was  expended, 
How,  again,  he  might  procure  it ; 
Taught  him  how  to  make  post-obits, 
As  his  father  now  was  feeble, 
And  was  like  to  perish  quickly; 
How  to  draw  up  various  papers, 
On  which  Jews  would  lend  him  money ; 
Notes,  and  drafts,  and  obligations, 
To  be  paid  with  interest  tenfold, 
When  his  father  should  be  buried, 
And  he  should  his  wealth  inherit. 

Then  he  forged  his  father's  writing, 
24 


183  HOW    HE    GOT    THE    MONEY. 

Forged  his  name  to  bills  of  credit ; 
Thus  obtained  supplies  of  money, 
For  his  faro-teacher  Murphy. 

Yunga-Merrakah,  whenever 
Now  he  met  his  aged  father, 
Glared  with  envious  eyes  upon  him ; 
Calculating  how  much  longer 
His  old  life  would  last  to  vex  him — 
Keep  him  from  his  great  possessions 
Then  his  fingers  clutched  together, 
And  he  wished  that  it  was  lawful 
For  a  son  to  choke  his  father, 
When  he  should  grow  old  and  helpless — 
Knock  his  head  off,  knock  his  brains  out, 
Kill  him,  plant  him  deep  in  Greenwood — 
Any  way  to  get  his  money. 
So  he  tried  to  coax  his  father 
To  a  primary  election 
In  the  Sixth  Ward  ;  but  the  old  man 
"  Knew  the  ropes,"  and  would  n't  go  there  • 


CONSPIRACY.  187 


R  D  \VTE 


fg«  WoolJte  Sirtfj'SKSartfrs  amuse  tfjftnsclbrs  faith  se  favorite  CHcctiott 
flElusa.    ^Rrtcft  taftcn  in  great  ^urrg  t>B  2e 


Tried  to  send  him  on  a  journey 
Over  the  New  Haven  Kailroad; 
But  he  could  n't  fool  his  father, 
Couldn't  fool  old  Pluri-bus-tah. 

But  at  last  the  old  man  yielded, 
And  agreed  to  take  a  journey  — 
Go  to  Washington,  the  city 
Where  the  Congress  was  assembled  ; 
Where  the  concentrated  wisdom 
Of  the  country  was  assembled, 
Lighting  for  the  country's  profit.  (?) 

There  his  spouse  had  gone  before  him; 
Liberty  had  gone  before  him, 
And  was  fighting  there  a  battle  — 


188 


PLUBI-BUS-TAH'S  DEATH. 


Tooth,  and  nail,  was  fighting,  scratching, 
For  some  property  she  claimed  there ; 
For  the  little  territories 
Known  as  Kansas  and  Nebraska. 
And  the  old  man's  fond  affection 
Led  him  there  to  wait  beside  her— 
Wait  beside  her  until  Congress 
Should  elect  their  needed  Speaker, 
And  his  wife  have  done  her  quarrel. 
There  the  old  man  watched  and  waited, 
Wearily  he  watched  and  waited, 
For  them  to  elect  a  Speaker ; 
Months  passed  on,  and  Pluri-bus-tah 
Pied  of  age  before  they  did  it. 


Jgr  ^ublicft  arc  rminttrtJ  of  tf  Jact  tfjat  fit  crcat  Iplurt'bug'tafi  (0  Prfunct. 


XIX. 


Jg*  tiuttful  33unjja«fElcrrafca?j 
nprwsetf)  i)ts  licspect  for 
je  JBefunct  bg  forbjartfttg 
2*  Remains  63  ®iprrss. 


UNGA-MERRAKAH,  the  hope 
ful, 

Gave,  by  telegraph,  directions 
That  his  defunct  father's  cor 
pus 


Should    be    sent    express    by 

railroad. 

Therefore  Adams,  the  express-man, 
Put  the  body  in  a  coffin, 


190  THE    SON    DISCONSOLATE. 

Marked  it  "this  side  up,"  and  sent  it. 
And  our  hero,  in  the  mean  time, 
Tied  some  crape  upon  his  elbow, 
Put  a  bottle  in  his  pocket, 
Started  for  the  railroad  depot, 
Waiting  for  the  old  man's  coming. 
But,  before  the  train's  arrival, 
He  retired  into  a  closet 
With  a  money-lending  lawyer, 


g*  fatfjrrUes  Son  scrfcrtl)  Consolation  initf)  sc  4Han  of  HaiD,  fa&o 
riplainrtf)  jif  lamrntrti  $luri'bus'taf/s  bill. 

To  compute  the  sum  exactly 
The  old  man  had  left  behind  him. 
Money,  lands,  and  stocks  and  railroads 
Houses,  stores,  and  public  buildings  ; 


ENTER    BROWNE.  191 

All  were  counted,  checked,  and  valued, 
And  the  lawyer  told  the  total 
To  the  son  so  sad  and  sorrowing. 
From  the  sum  they  then  deducted 
All  the  funeral  expenses  ; 
So  that  when  the  train  arrived  there, 
They  had  ciphered  out  the  balance, 
Knew  what  was  the  old  man's  fortune — 
Consequently,  just  how  many 
Tears  to  shed  and  hacks  to  order. 
Yunga-Merrakah,  the  mourner, 
Took  the  old  man's  lifeless  corpus 
To  the  great  paternal  mansion, 
Thence  he  sent  for  Browne  the  sexton — 
Pompous  Browne,  of  Graceless  Chapel — 
Browne,  who  manages  the  weddings — 
Browne,  who  makes  the  funerals  jolly — 
Browne,  who  operates  the  parties — 
Browne,  whose  shrill  and  well-known  whistle 
Opes  the  door  and  scares  the  hackmen — 


192  THE    DISCONSOLATE    SON. 

Browne,  whose  word  is  law  and  gospel 

In  all  fashionable  circles — 

Browne  was  summoned,  Browne  was  sent  for. 

Yunga-Merrakah  the  mourner, 
In  his  room  so  sad  and  lonely, 
With  a  friend  to  cheer  his  sorrow, 
In  his  room,  when  Browne  had  entered, 
Gave  his  orders  for  the  funeral. 
Yunga-Merrakah  the  mourner, 
With  his  friend  to  cheer  his  sorrow, 
Had,  by  way  of  killing  sadness, 
Been  engaged  in  playing  euchre. 
On  the  table  stood  the  bottle, 
On  the  table  sat  the  glasses, 
On  the  table  lay  the  counters  ; 
Near  a  chair  was  Browne  the  sexton, 
With  his  "list"  between  his  fingers, 
Waiting  to  note  down  the  programme. 

Yunga-Merrakah  the  mourner 
Did  not  stop  his  playing  euchre, 


GIVES    DIRECTIONS    FOE    THE    BUKIAL,      J93 

But  he  gave  the  sad  directions 
For  the  funeral  of  his  father 
In  the  intervals  of  smoking, 
In  the  intervals  of  drinking, 


Jg*  mournful  JSrofone  fciscobmtf)  u*  afSfctetj  .Son  muct)  aftecttfo, 

In  the  intervals  of  playing, 

While  the  restless  cards  were  shuffling. 

Thus  they  played  the  game  of  euchre, 
Thus  Browne  got  his  full  directions 
For  old  Pluri-bus-tah's  funeral; 
And  assuring  "on  his  honor," 
That  they  should  be  all  perfected 
In  the  very  latest  fashion, 

Made  his  how,  and  then  departed. 
25 


194  HIC    JACET. 


So  the  next  day  Pluri-bus-tah 

In  the  Greenwood  vault  was  buried 

In  the  latest  style  of  fashion. 


Comet  aSUprtscntatton  of  &  SJComb  of  jt  filluattfowi 


XX. 

fitaiage,  ani  infest  came  0f  it. 


LURI-BUS-TAH  now  was  buried, 

And  the  energy  and  spirit, 
All  the  honesty  and  honor, 
With  what  love  of  truth  and  just 
ice 

Formerly  had  ruled  lh'3  councils 
Of  the  mighty  Yen  ;.•  h  nation, 
Seemed  to  all  hive  perished  wj  h  him  ; 


Wtian  »upr?3BrT)  ta 


196  WHAT    THE    SON    GOT,    AND 

Seemed  to  all  be  buried  deeply 
In  the  grave  of  Pluri-bus-tah. 

Yunga-Merrakah  the  mourner, 
Heir  to  all  the  great  possessions 
Which  his  father  left  behind  him, 
Laid  his  hand  on  piles  of  dollars, 
Laid  his  hand  on  land  and  warehouse, 
On  the  far-extended  grain-fields, 
On  the  grand,  primeval  forest, 
On  the  blooming,  boundless  prairie; 
Laid  his  hand  on  woolly  CufFee, 
Who  had  lost  his  former  spirit 
Of  resistance  and  rebellion  ; 
And  his  hand  had  lost  its  power, 
Power  to  break  the  hold  so  puny 
Yunga-Merrakah  laid  upon  him — 
Laid  his  hand  on  Northern  white  men — 
Lazy,  shiftless  Northern  white  men — 
Who  were  poorer  far,  and  meaner 
Than  black  Cufiee  ever  had  been. 


WHAT    THE    WIDOW    DIDN'T    GET.  197 

All  of  these  his  father  left  him ; 
For  his  mother,  by  her  marriage — 
Which  was  but  a  Free-Love  marriage, 
A  mere  temporary  marriage, 
Without  church,  or  priest,  or  parson — 
Could  not  claim  a  right  of  dower, 
Had  no  money,  lands,  or  mansion/ 
Had  no  place  to  live — because  she 
Got  no  "  thirds"  she  had  no  quarters. 

Though  the  heir  had  money  left  him, 
With  his  father's  broad  dominions ; 


nga-jHerrafuJ)  tirofonctf)  Sc  ntelancfjols  in  &  potent 
roncortion  calleti  £fjern>kobl)ler. 


Yet  he  lacked  his  father's  vigor, 
Lacked  his  energy  of  purpose, 
Lacked  his  unrelenting  will-power, 


198  THE    DISCONSOLATE    YOUTH. 

Which  had  made  the  earth  and  ocean 

To  his  purposes  obedient. 

These  his  sire  had   taken  with  him, 

To  the  jolly  land  of  spirits, 

To  the  land  of  the  Hereafter. 

But  he  had  his  father's  vices, 

Had  his  avarice  and  grasping, 

Had  his  self-conceit  and  folly, 

Had  his  love  of  dimes  and  dollars 

Still  he  had  not  e'en   these  vices, 

In  their  strong  and  earnest  vigor; 

All.  were  weakened  and  diluted, 

Fit  /or  his  degeneration, 

Fitted  to  his  puny  standard. 

Then,  besides  hereditary 

Vices  given  by  his  father, 

He  had  other  ones  ingenious, 

Others  of  his  own  invention. 

Yunga-Merrakah,  the  mourner, 
Passed  a  sad  and  solemn  fortnight, 


MOURNS    THE    DEAR    DEPARTED.  199 

Shut  out  from  the  world  of  fashion  ; 
Passed  it  with  his  boon  companions, 
Weeping  for  the  dear  departed, 
Sighing  for  the  dead  old  "buffer." 


ling  frt'entig  are  murfj  toptrsaefc  in  sptrfta, 
cfcring  to  gf  total  jjrfjaustion  of 


Then  he  rose,  one  sunny  morning, 
Took  the  crape  from  off  his  elbow  ; 
Then  took  off  his  "  suit  of  sables," 
And  resolved  to  cease  his  mourning 
For  his  much-lamented  father. 
For,  he  said,  his  broad  dominions 
Needed  now  his  sole  attention. 
And  he  spake  to  his  companions 
In  this  language,  pure  and  classic. 


200 


HE    GIVES    UP    MOURNING 

"No  more  sadness,  no  more  sighing, 
No  more  woe,  and  no  more  weeping, 
No  more  tears,  no  more  seclusion. 
To  Delmonico's  let's  hasten  ; 
There  we'll  have  a  high  old  blow  out. 


g*  great  EJcImom'ro's.    (JK  skrtrf)  inas  matic  fcofjflr  getting  cfjangf  for  Br  last 
100  dollar  bill  in  ae  possession  of  £E  artist.) 

I'll  make  pompous  Browne,  the  sexton, 
Stand  the  treat  from  his  expenses, 
Dock  it  from  his  funeral   charges. 
He  should,  really,  have  some  feeling, 
Pity  for  the  sole  survivor, 
And  not  charge  so  much  for  funerals." 


AND    FOKGETS    HIS    FATHEK.  201 

This  is  when  he  put  off  mourning, 
And  forgot  his  sturdy  father, 

And  forgot  old  Pluri-bus-tah. 
26 


XXI. 


(Qe  insuitrt)  ar- 

rangrtf)  matters  of  im» 
portancr,     ant.     tfjrn 


HKIFT,     who,     heretofore,    had 
quarreled 

her    sister's    hopeful    off- 


Who  had  seldom  smiled  upon  him 
In  his  youthful  undertakings  ; 
Now,  when  the  precocious  youngster 
Took  possession  of  the  country, 


MAEEIAGE.  203 

And  became  its  only  master, 

Straight  resolved  that  she  would  leave  it, 

And  go  back  to  where  she  came  from. 

Yunga-Merrakah  had  married — 
Taking  pity  and  compassion 
On  those  God-forsaken  spinsters, 
Or  (what  they  regret  more  deeply), 
On  those  man-forsaken  spinsters, 
Those  who  die  in  "the  pursuit  of 
Breeches  under  difficulties" — 
Married  a  "strong-minded  woman:"* 
Thus  had  done  his  country  service. 
She  was  one  of  those  who  scribble 
For  the  magazines  and  weeklies, 
Over  names  alliterative — 


*  It  is  expected  that,  by  virtue  of  a  special  act  to  encourage  the 
individual  abatement  of  national  nuisances,  Congress  will  grant  a 
large  pension  to  each  cf  those  two  or  three  heroic  but  unfortunate 
men  who  have  recently  had  the  hardihood  and  patriotism  to  marry 
those  Woman's-Rights  females  who,  having  ea-rerly  embrnced  the 
first  offer  of  marriage,  have  recently  disappeared  from  public  life. 


204  WHO    THE    BRIDE    WAS. 

"  Bessie  Basswood,"  "  Sallie  Simple, 
"Peggy  Pensive,"  "Nancy  Ninkum" 
She  was  one  of  those  who  travel 
"Lecturing"  throughout  the  country, 


|g*  popular  ftiea  of  g*  strong-mtnUctj  jFcmale. 
33Ioomcr. 


Serving  up  a  weak  dilution 

Of  the  thoughts  some  man  has  taught  them- 

Waldo  Emerson  and  water  ; 

Andrews'  broth  or  Owen  gruel  ; 

Nichols'  nastiness  refined,  that 

Decent  folks  may  sit  and  hear  it. 

She  was  one  who  "spoke  in  public" 


THE    STEP-MOTHER    OBJECTS.  205 

At  the  Woman's  Eight's  Conventions; 
One  who  wore  the  Bloomer  costume, 
Half-way  petticoats,  half-breeches. 
This  the  masculine  co-partner, 
This  the  woman  just  imported 
From  the  distant  He-bride  Islands, 
Whom  our  youthful  hero  married, 
And  brought  home  to  rule  his  mansion. 

Liberty  her  son  entreated, 
"  Bring  not  here  an  idle  maiden, 
Bring  not  here  this  useless  woman, 
Hands  unskillful,  feet  unwilling, 
Bring  one  that  can  tend  the  babies, 
Darn  your  socks  and  sew  your  buttons  5 
Bring  not  here  this  feeble  talker, 
Bring  not  here  this  senseless  speaker; 
Put  her  in  the  place  provided: 
In  the  Museum  at  Barnum's, 
Or  in  the  Insane  Asylum — 
The  untamable  department." 


206  HOSTILITIES    DECLARED 

Yunga-Merrakah  responded, 
"Hold  your  ceaseless  jaw,  old  woman! 
I  will  marry  this  young  lady; 
She'll  be  'boss/  too,  of  my  dwelling; 


You  shall  yield  obedience  to  her: 
If  you  won't,  clear  out  and  leave  us." 
So  he  brought  her  to  his  mansion, 
Brought  her  home  to  rule  his  mother 

Now  began  a  deadly  quarrel : 
Thrift  declared  a  war  remorseless 
With  this  female  interloper. 
Then  began  the  greatest  battle 
That  the  sun  had  ever  looked  on, 


AND    A    SKIRMISH.  207 

That  the  war-birds  ever  witnessed. 
From  the  morn  till  night  it  lasted; 
Fourteen  hours  these  furious  females 
Fought,  with  fists,  and  feet,  and  fingers, 
Clawing,  pulling,  biting,  scratching, 
Yunga-Merrakah  sat  near  them, 
Sat  upon  the  center-table, 
With  cigars  and  whisky  near  him, 
Watching  the  tremendous  conflict. 


rter»mtmorable  Jigfjt  SetSncen  Sense  anti  Non»sen*se.    '• 
us  faften  bifjen  2*  gentle  Etberta  anli  tf  33Iocmcr 
come  up  to  gt  Scratrf)  after  2e 


Thrift  at  last  was  fully  conquered  ; 
For  her  rival's  public  practice 
In  delivering  orations, 
Made  her  rather  longer  winded. 


208  EXIT    THRIFT 

Then  the  beaten,  vanquished  lady, 
Ere  she  made  her  final  exit, 
Shook  her  fist,  and  spoke  in  this  wise : 
"  Yunga-Merrakah,  I  leave  you: 
Leave  you  with  that  odious  woman. 
She  will  ruin  all  your  household, 
She  will  ruin  all  your  country, 
She  will  rule  you  and  your  children; 
And  she  may,  for  all  that  I  care, 
For  I  leave  you,  now,  forever." 


authentic  Ftcfo  of  EC  Woo&a  BattU»BeI&. 


Thus  she  spoke,  and  then  departed  ; 
But  her  curse  was  on  the  country, 
And  her  words  proved  true  as  gospel. 
Yunga-Merrakah  discovered 
That  when  he  his  wife  had  chosen, 


FOR    THE     LAST    TIME.  209 

He  had  caught  a  female  Tartar. 

Since  that  time,  where  this  "strong-minded" 

Female  nuisance  had  dominion. 

Thrift  was  never  seen  nor  heard  of, 
27 


XXII. 

Spirit  Swings  nuJr  Spirit  grinding,  mforfr. 


Grst  manif'Stat'cm  of  jjf  Spirits.    £f  Ca'olf  fcring  ttppcU,  rtr. 
spirit  cf  2e  Oi!»3'l;srn  s!;;to  t!)  itself  patocrful  rnur^. 

N  the  land  cf   Uncle  Thomas, 

In  tho  land  cf  Pierce  the  mighty, 
In  tho  city  cf  Manhattan, 
In  the  reign  cf  great  Fernando, 
In  the  time  of  Branch  and  Matsell, 
In  the  time  of  Poob  and  Baker, 
In  the  time  of  righteous  Barnum, 
In  the  time  of  honest  Schuyler, 


NEWS    FROM    THE    SPIRIT    LAND.  211 

In  the  time  of  pious  Wyckoff, 
Pious,  persevering  Wyckoff, 
Yunga-Merrakah   resided 
In  the  city  of  Manhattan, 
In  a  lofty  brown  stone  mansion. 
But  the  avenue  and  number 
I  can't  tell  }~ou — I've  forgotten. 

In  those  times,  of  which  I've  mitten, 
Spirits  from  tho  other  countries, 
From  the  land  of  the  Hereafter, 
From  the  land  where  Hiawatha 
And  his  partner,  Minne-ha-ha, 
Now  are  rearing  phantom  babies : 
(For  that  lady  had  a  goblin 
In  her  arms,  a  nursing  goblin, 
And  twin  specters  in  her  cradle, 
Infant  ghosts,  with  shadowy  aprons, 
Misty  bibs,  and  airy  tuckers, 
At  the  very  last  advices 
By  those  quadrupedal  "mediums," 


212  WHAT    THE    SPIRITS    DO 

Whom  we  know  as  "  Koons"  and  "  Foxes,") 

As,  before,  I  mentioned  to  you, 

Spirits  from  the  other  countries, 

From  the  land  of  the  Hereafter, 

Often  came  to  earth  to  visit, 

Came  upon  a  spirit  rail  train, 


g*  foottterfu!  Spirit  Erain  tfjat  traneletf)  on  ar  ©H>  Colons  BatlroatJ. 
to  6c  2e  fccati*f)catJs  on  a  pleasure  raunsion. 


Often  got  a  fortnight's  furlough, 
Often  came  on  leave  of  absence, 
Not  as  ugly  apparitions, 
Not  as  goblins,  ghosts,  or  specters, 
Not  in  sheet,  or  shroud,  or  coffin  ; 
But  they  came,  unseen  of  mortals, 
Kicking  up  a  mighty  rumpus, 
Knocking  on  the  chairs  and  tables, 


ON    LEAVE     OF    ABSENCE.  213 

Kicking  over  bales  and  boxes, 

Cutting  up  unheard-of  antics, 

Like  a  ghostly  set  of  rowdies, 

Happing  on  the  chairs  and  tables, 

Prophecies  of  good  and  evil, 

Most  profound    mysterious  nonsense  ! 

Shakspeare,  Washington,  and  Franklin, 

With  a  hundred  other  worthies, 

Poets,  authors,  statesmen,  sages, 

Came  from  spheres  so  bright  and  blissful, 

From  the  land  of  the  Hereafter, 

Came  to  skin  their  ghostly  knuckles, 

Knocking  upon  floors  and  tables, 

At  the  call  of  earthly  boobies. 

So  old  Pluri-bus-tah/s  spirit, 
Wishing  to  be  in  the  fashion, 
Came  to  see  the  brown  stone  mansion, 
Yunga-Merrakah's  great   mansion  ? 
Came  a-knocking  on  the  sideboard, 
Seeking,  probably,  for  brandy. 


214  YUNGA-MERRAKAH     RECEIVES 

But  his  offspring  heard  the  racket 
Of  the  old  man's  bony  knuckles, 
Feeling  for  the  wished-for  bottle, 
And  suspected  that  it  might  be 
Something  of  his  father's  spirit. 
First  he  took  the  big  decanter 
In  his  hands,  and  held  it  tightly, 
For  he  knew  if  'twas  his  father, 
That  the  brandy  soon  would  vanish. 
Then  he  spake,  in  trembling  language 
Asking,  "  Is  a  spirit  present  ?" 


33'  TfstlfM  gpiritof  jf  tffttnrt  $)Iuri»bus'taf)  insigtctf)  on  fjafcing  anotfirt 
pull  at  BC  spirit  of  ©'CTarU. 

Then  the  old  man's  ghost  was  wrathy, 
And  he  hammered  on  the  table, 


A    SPIRITUAL    COMMUNICATION.  215 

Showered  the  blows  as  fast  and  furious 

As  he  did  on  Johnny  Taurus, 

In  the  battle  of  the  meadow. 

And  the  message  that  his  knuckles, 

Ghostly  spiritual  knuckles, 

Kapped  upon  the  rosewood  table, 

When  translated,  ran  as  follows : 

"  Most  contemptible  of  puppies  ! 
You,  who  rob  your  suffering  father 
Of  his  drop  of  consolation, 
Of  his  little  drop  of  brandy  ; 
You,  who  steal  his  only  blessing, 
You,  who  now  deny  your  daddy 
'Spiritual  aid  and  comfort/ 
Listen  now  what  you  shall  come  to, 
Listen  what  shall  be  your  ending. 
You  have  driven  Thrift  far  from  you, 
And  you  now  shall  hear  the  penance. 

All  your  cities  shall  be  ruin 
All  shall  moulder,  rot,  and  crumble, 


216  BUT    HE    TAKES    IT    COOLLY 

Desolation  spread  her  mantle 
Over  all  your  wide-spread  country, 
And  your  servant,  sable  Cuffee, 
Shall  rebel  and  rise  against  you, 
Make  you  slave  and  toil  and  labor, 
Till  your  miserable  body 
Perishes  from  earth  forever. 
You  shall  smaller  grow  and  smaller, 
In  your  mind  and  in  your  body, 
You  shall  meaner  grow  and  meaner, 
Till  your  cringing,  creeping,  crawling 
Form  is  lost  from  earth  forever, 
Till  your  soul  is  all  extinguished, 
None  is  left  to  merit  saving, 
Not  enough  to  be  worth  damning. 
This,  my  curse,  I  leave  upon  you; 
Not  because  you  are  dishonest, 
Not  because  I  know  you're  knavish, 
But  because  you're  mean  and  selfish, 
And  because  you  stole  my  brandy." 


AND  HOLDS  ON  TO  THE  BOTTLE.     217 

Yunga-Merrakah  waVt  frightened 
At  the  old  one's  revelation, 
But  he  took  a  horn  of  brandy — • 
Horn  of  the  forbidden  brandy ; 
Then  he  laughed  aloud,  exulting. 

But  the  ghost  had  spoken  truly; 
Time  fulfilled  all  his  foretelling, 
And  this  is  the  only  instance, 
Only  instance  on  the  records 
Where  a  prophesying  spirit, 
Kapping  on  the  boards  or  tables 
With  his  spiritual  knuckles, 
Ever  told  the  truth,  or  near  it. 

Would  you  know  the  mournful  sequel? 
How  the  ghost  fulfilled  his  saying  ? 
Whether  his  sole  heir  and  offspring, 
Yunga-Merrakah  the  mourner, 
Did  fulfill  the  prophesying 
Of  his  spiritual  parent? 


218 


EXIT    GHOST. 

Bead  the  next  ensuing  chapter, 
And  it  probably  will  tell  you. 


2e  .Spirit  o 


'taa,  W«n»tt&,  Uabetb  in  a 


XXIII. 


ffl68t  t*  Nin't,  Mat  ||is  I 
Mure  sl].e  tat  to. 


,  an* 


UNGA-MERRAKAH,  the 

mourner, 

Was  no  more,  but  lord  and  master 
Of  the  glorious  Yengah  nation. 
Then  he  felt  his  full  importance, 

And  assumed  the  airs  of  empire ; 

Then,  that  he  the  eyes  might  dazzle 

Of  all  modern  kings  and  princes, 


tts  for  zf  purpose 

*f animation. 


220  THE    INVENTION    OF 

He  assumed  a  dress  of  splendor 
Fit  for  him  to  rule  and  reign  in. 
He  assumed  the  Shanghai  costume — 
Costume  of  his  own  invention — 
Partly  his,  and  partly  borrowed 
From  the  Hippodrome  performers ; 
Kot  from  Siegrist  nor  Franconi, 
But  'twas  borrowed  from  the  monkeys, 
From  the  libeled,  slandered  monkeys, 
From  the  skilled  equestrian  monkeys, 
From  the  ones  who  ride  the  ponies. 


gf  true  auti  authentic  Origin  of  ae  garment  rallrti 

Inaccessible  his  hat  was, 
Like  a  tall,  six-story  stove-pipe; 
And  beneath  it  towered  his  collar, 
Towered  his  lofty  standing  collar, 


THE    SHANGHAI    ABSURDITY.  221 

(Like  a  human  adaptation 

Of  that  ornament  the  pig-yoke,) 

Which  should  keep  his  head  from  turning, 

And  from  bowing,  and  from  moving. 

And  his  coat,  it  reached  his  ankles, 

Meeting  there  his  patent  leathers. 

And  his  legs,  like  slimsy  broomsticks, 

Like  attenuated  broomsticks, 

Were  surrounded  by  his  tailor 

With  a  covering  so  fantastic, 

And  which  clung  to  him  so  tightly, 

That  his  servant,  every  evening, 

Had  to  skin  him  like  a  catfish. 


g'  attentive  ScrSmnt  preletf)  ge  fashionable 

Thus  was  made  his  splendid  costume, 
Which  should  give  the  world  assurance 


222  PROGRESSION. 

That  its  wearer  was  "some  pumpkins," 
That  he  "  bossed"  a  splendid  "ked'n'try." 

Yunga-Merrakah  determined 
To  put  off  his  Bowery  notions, 
To  stop  running  with  the  engine, 
To  have  done  with  "  Mose"  and  "  Syksey/ 
And  to  cut  the  whole  red-shirt-dom. 
So  this  vegetable  human, 
Which  had  sprouted  in  the  Bowery, 
Which  was  nurtured  in  the  Bowery, 
Which  had  grown  up  in  the  Bowery, 
Now  \~r.\s  suddenly  transplanted 
To  the  latitude  of  Broadway; 
And  this  budding  Bowery  Syksey 
Blossomed  to  a  Broadway  Shanghai. 

Yunga-  Mcrrakah,   ambitious 
To  excel  his  father's  actions, 
And  to  rival  his  inventions, 
Started  many  enterprises, 
And  invented  curious  engines. 


THE  OBIGINAL  CRYSTAL  PALACE.    223 

But  the  enterprises  "broke"  him, 
And  his  patents  would  n't  answer. 
This  because  Miss  Thrift  had  left  him, 
Left  him  to  his  own  destruction. 

One  day  Mister  Johnny  Taurus, 
Now  grown  old,  and  stout,  and  burly, 
With  the  wish  to  please  his  children. 
Please  his  pretty,  rosy  children, 
Gave  his  gardener,  Mr.  Paxton, 
His  commands  to  build  a  play-house. 
The  ingenious  Mr.  Paxton, 
With  a  zeal  that  does  him  credit, 
Straightway  went  to  work  and  did  it. 
All  of  glass  and  iron  he  made  it : 
Iron,  to  give  it  strength  and  firmness, 
Glass,  to  woo  the  glorious  sun-light ; 
Then  with  birds  and  flowers  he  filled  it, 
Filled  it  full  with  sweetest  music, 
Filled  it  full  with  rarest  beauty, 
Filled  it  full  with  gems  of  painting, 


224     YUNGA-MERRAKAH    PIRATES    THE    IDEA. 

Filled  it  full  with  gems  of  sculpture ; 
All  things,  beautiful  and  useful, 
Found  a  home  within  this  play-house 
Built  for  Johnny  Taurus'  children. 

Honor  be  to  Thomas  Paxton  ! 
He  it  was  who  built  this  temple, 
Built  the  glorious  Crystal  Palace, 
Built  this  home  of  peace  and  sunlight, 
Where  the  world's  contending  nations 
Met,  and  gave  the  hand  of  friendship. 

Yunga-Merrakah  had  witnessed, 
From  his  home  across  the  water, 
How  the  enterprise  succeeded ; 
And.  he  stole  the  thought  of  Paxton, 
Stole  the  crystal  thought  of  Paxton, 
Brought  it  to  his  wooden  country, 
And  resolved  to  build  a  play-house 
Like  the  one  of  Johnny  Taurus. 
So  he  swindled  all  the  nations, 
Swindled  all  the  world  together. 


SWINDLES    THE    AKTISTS.  225 

Herein  lie  excelled  his  father, 

Who  had  never  cheated  largely, 

"  Swapping  truck"  with  other  countries ; 

Who  had  only  sold  them  watches 

Made  of  lead,  instead  of  silver, 

Sold  them  white-wood  hams  and  shoulders, 

Sold  them  loads  of  wooden  nutmegs, 

But  had  never  tried  to  cheat  them 

On  the  Crystal  Palace  system. 

But  he  lacked  his  sire's  invention, 
Lacked  the  spirit  of  invention ; 
So  he  missed  his  calculations : 
Made  his  irons  all  too  little, 
Made  his  timbers  all  too  crooked, 
Made  his  glass  all  cracked  and  knotty; 
Then  he  suddenly  discovered 
That  he  had  run  out  of  "  putty," 
So  his  playhouse  was  a  failure. 
But  before  they  knew  the  failure, 

Artists,  great,  of  other  nations, 
29 


226        SELLS    THEIR    PICTURES    AT    AUCTION, 

Sent  their  pictures  and  their  statues, 
Sent  their  choicest  masterpieces, 
To  exhibit  in  his  play-house. 

Yunga-Merrakah,  the  tricky, 
When  he  found  Jt  would  be  a  failure, 
Mltole  the  strangers'  goods  and  chattels, 
4toie  them  all  to  pay  expenses. 


8«  fnorks  of  5'  poor  foreign  Artists  in  5*  Crggtal  palace  art  sola  tor  a* 
benefit  of  Jhtnga' 


Then  he  tried  to  galvanize  it 
Cnto  life  with  Pierce  and  Barnum  : 
"Even  these  gigantic  humbugs 
Could  n't  save  the  Crystal  Palace. 
By  its  side  he  built  a  temple, 
Overlooking  all  the  country, 
Built  a  temple  out  of  shingles, 


ANOTHER    FAILURE. 


Higher,  far,  than  Hainan's  gallows, 
Highest  tower  in  all  creation. 


227 


part  of 


rnikah  intonded, 
From  its  top,  to  vhw  the  motions 
Of  the  various  h^avj-'nly  bodies, 
And  c^n'r  1  (h<%rn  to  his  nation; 


228  THE    PACIFIC    RAILROAD    AND 

But  he  found  it  would  not  answer, 
So,  one  day,  he  kicked  it  over. 

Then  he  laid  his  plans  for  building, 
To  the  sea,  a  mighty  railway, 
Through  the  chains  of  lofty  mountains, 
Far  across  the  tiresome  prairies, 
Over  wide  and  rushing  rivers, 
Letting  nothing  stay  or  stop  him, 
Till  he  run  his  locomotive 
From  the  strand  of  the  Atlantic 
To  the  shore  of  the  Pacific. 

This,  too,  failed,  for  he  had  listened 
To  so  many  differing  voices, 
That  his  brain,  so  weak  and  watery, 
Soon  was  utterly  bewildered. 
And  because  he  couldn't  run  it, 
Kun  his  great  Pacific  railroad, 
Through  each  city,  town,  and  village 
Of  each  man  of  his  advisers, 
Eun  it  through  each  infant  village 


WHY    IT    FAILED 


229 


Which  could  boast  a  jail  and  court-house, 
Kun  it  through  the  squire's  back  garden, 
Kun  it  through  the  lawyer's  pasture, 
Kun  it  through  the  doctor's  meadow; 
Eun  it  through  the  parson's  pig-pen, 


f  fHap  of  ge  tfrrat  pacific  Bailroati,  proposed  to  run  ang  antr 
to  plfage  ge  &torM;o!!irrs.    J}c  SRrtcf)  is  from  gf  original  liraujjfjt  maUt 
in  2£  sanlJ  tin  nc  fjcati  (5ng;ncrr  toitb  a  fcalkt'ng'gtt'cft, 
assigteti  bg  a  fmall  J3og  scratdjing  for  Uate. 

Eun  it  through  the  summer  fallow 
Of  each  grim  and  gray-haired  granny 
Who  might  choose  to  pay  a  dollar 
Toward  this  national  convenience, 
He  gave  up  his  mountain  railway ; 


230  THE    WASHINGTON    MONUMENT 

And  the  great  Pacific  railway 

Died  of  squabbling,  grasping  grannies. 

In  a  lit  of  patriotism, 
He  resolved  to  build  a  tombstone  — 
Build  at  Washington  a  tombstone 
To  the  memory  of  the  person 
Whom  he  called  his   "  country's  father  ;" 
And  he  made  a  hidoi.us  drawing, 
Hide.,  us  in  whole  and  detail, 
Showing  how  the  prmiised  building 
Was  to  Lok,  if  e'er 


Then  he  sent  his  cunning  agents, 

Who  were  smooth  of  tongue  and  oily, 

Who  persuaded  simple  people 

That  the  building  would  be  glorious, 

That  the  plan  was  Art's  perfection. 

Simple-minded,  honest  people, 

Whose  ideas  of  architecture 

Were  derived  from  barns  and  haystacks, 

Thought  the  monument  was  lovely, 


AND    WHY    IT    FAILED. 


231 


Tried  by  these,  the  only  models, 
And  they  paid  their  dimes  and  dollars 
To  the  oily,  smooth-tongued  agents. 
Then  the  agents  begged  the  marble, 


Supposed  to  f;abe  fcren  8* 

original    su0g:gtt'on    for 

mottdof  8e  JtEJnsfyinjj* 

ton  iflonur.unt. 


EHasfjmston 
ment  as  far  as 
it  Ijas  got. 


Begged  the  painted  blocks  of  marble, 
Begged  the  bricks,  and  begged  the  mortar; 
But  where  all  the  money  went  to, 
No  one  knows  except  the  agents. 
Thus  the  land  escaped  the  nuisance, 


232  THE    ROANOKE    AND    ERICSSON 

Thus  avoided  the  infliction, 
And  the  tower  was  not  erected, 
Save,  perhaps,  a  half  a  story. 
Yunga-Merrakah  the  weakling, 
Over  again  had  "tried  and  couldn't." 
Then  he  built  a  splendid  steamer, 
Built  her  on  his  father's  model, 
Built  her  very  well  and  finely; 
But  his  father  wasn't  present, 
To  assist  him  at  the  launching, 
So  he  broke  her  back  in  launching, 
Smashed  his  steamboat  all  to  pieces. 


g*  Direful  GTalamitn  tfjat  befell  &  great  Steamboat. 


Then  he  built  another  steamer, 
Made  to  run  without  hot  water, 
Only  hard  coal  and  caloric  ; 


AND    WHY    THEY    DIDN'T    GO.  233 

But  sho  run  so  very  slowly — 
Fourteen  miles  in  fifteen  hours — 
That,  one  day,  he  rashly  sunk  her. 
Sunk  her  on  the  Jersey  marshes. 


of  gc  Crinsson  on  fjrr  grant)  successful  trial  trfp. 


Then  conceived  a  scheme  gigantic, 
That  he  'd  dive  beneath  the  ocean, 
Lay  a  massive  iron  cable 
Down  among  tho  shells  and  seaweed, 
And  would  telegraph  across  it, 
Telegraph  across  the  ocean. 
So  he  made  his  iron  cable, 
Made  his  massive,  twisted  cable, 
And  invited  the  reporters 
To  be  present  on  the  schooner, 

There  to  eee  the  ceremony  — 
30 


234       THE  SUBMARINE  TELEGRAPH. 

See  him,  like  the  Doge  of  Venice, 
Wed  the  sea  with  metal  circlet — 
But  the  cable  broke  to  shivers, 
And  the  ocean  stole  the  pieces. 
Then  the  captain  of  the  schooner, 
With  his  crew  and  the  reporters, 
All  got  drunk,  and  went  home  glorious. 


JSfcftcf),  fctnolg  furnisfjcl!  &8  a  Qrtzt  .Spirit  jiHebium  out  on  5* 

EJSJabaef),  of  gf  lost  delrgrapfjic  Cable.    Fiefo  supposed 

to  be  about  ten  fret  front  tfje  enti  tfjat  broke  loose. 

Thus  the  curse  that  was  upon  him, 
Every  day  grew  more  apparent ; 
And  his  quick  degeneration 
Was  perceived  in  every  action, 
For  the  spirit  of  invention 
Had  departed  with  his  father. 
All  his  "  water-gas"  was  gammon ; 


FOREIGN    AIBS.  235 

All  his  fire  annihilators 
Would  n't  put  a  kitchen  fire  out. 
And  his  theaters  were  failures, 
Till  he  let  a  woman  boss  them — 
Let  his  Woman's  Eights  companion 
Boss  the  house  and  take  the  money — 
Boss  them  and  cut  off  the  dead-heads, 
When  she  made  it  pay  expenses. 
Then  our  hero,  not  contented 
With  his  home-made  airs  and  graces. 
Soon  began  to  put  on  foreign 
Airs,  and  smirks,  and  affectation  ; 
Tried  to  speak  in  choice  Italian, 
Or  converse  in  French,  the  booby. 
But  the  superficial  knowledge, 
Which  the  brainless  brat  had  mustered, 
Made  him  speak  a  mongrel  lingo, 
Bastard  French  and  wi.-rse  Italian, 
So  contemptible  a  jargon, 
That  if  he  had  been  at  Babel, 


236  A    BKEACH    OF    PROMISE, 

And  had  uttered  such  a  cackling, 
The  involuntary  linguists 
Mustered  at  that  mixed  assemblage, 
Would  have  hissed  out  the  intruder, 
Would  have  kicked  him  out  instanter. 
Then  he  broke  his  father's  bargain, 
Which  had  been  for  years  regarded, 
Broke  the  promise  about  Cuffee, 
Did  not  keep  him  in  the  rice-fields, 
In  the  sugar-cane  plantations, 
To  the  Southward  of  the  landmark, 
Of  the  line  of  Mah-sun-dic-sun. 
But  he  led  him  up,  and  Northward, 
Northward  of  the  flowing  river, 
To  the  prairie-fields  of  Kanzas. 
This  was  Liberty's   dominion, 
This  the  land  she  loved  and  cherished, 
This  the  land  she  set  her  heart  on, 
This  the  land  that  she  had  conquered 
In  that  tedious  fight  in  Congress, 


AND    A    MUSS.  237 

As  a  gift  from  the  departed, 
The  lamented  Pluri-bus-tah. 
When  she  saw  the  sable  Cuffee 
Trespass  upon  her  possessions, 
Cross  the  line  of  the  division, 
Cross  the  line  of  Mah-sun-dic-suft, 
She  grew  raving  mad,  and  furious, 
Took  the  first  train  home  from  Congress, 
Bound  to  find  her  only  offspring, 
Yunga-Merrakah,  and  give  him 
Particular  Jesse,  if  he  wouldn't  promise  to 

be  decent,  and  behave  himself  hereafter.* 
Liberty,  in  time,  reached  Gotham, 
Without  accident  or  hindrance, 
Tired,  weary,  hot,  and  dusty, 
And  with  anger  boiling  over. 
Search  she  made  to  find  her  offspring. 
But  the  gentleman  was  missing, 
Missing  from  his  brown  stone  mansion, 
*  This  line  is  not  a  Trochaic. 


238  PURSUIT    OF    SHANGHAI 

"Where  can  the  young  rip  be  gone  to?" 

She,  herself  interrogated. 

"  Gone  to  Burton's  or  the  Bowery  ? 

Gone  to  W  attack's  or  to  Niblo's  ? 

Gone  to  see  the  Model  Artists  ? 

Gone  to  see  the  Common  Council  ?* 

Gone  to  visit  the  Free  Lovers  ? 

Gone  to  meet  with  the  Live  Oak  Club  ?" 

But  she  asked  at  all  these  places. 

And,  alas !    she  could  n't  find  him. 

Then  she  went  to  the  apartment 

Of  that  strange  and  secret  Order, 

Of  that  mystic  band  of  brothers, 

Whose  proceedings  are  so  secret, 

So  profound  and  so  mysterious  ; 

And  the  brothers  are  so  faithful, 

That  in  spite  of  guard  and  watchmen, 

*  Common  Scoundrels  has  been  stiggested  as  being  a  more 
appropriate  term.  See  Hist.  City  of  New  York,  which  don't  saj 
any  thing  to  the  contrary. 


UNDER    DIFFICULTIES.  239 

Spite  of  oaths  and  secret  pass-words, 
Fashioned  to  exclude  Reporters, 
Their  proceedings,  so  mysterious, 
And  so  mystical,  are  always 
Published  in  next  morning's  Tribune. 

Here  went  Liberty  to  seek  him, 
To  this  room,  so  dark  and  silent, 
To  the  room  of  the  Dark  Lanterns. 
But  the  watchman  at  the  portal, 
Took  her  for  a  Monk  or  Prior, 
Took  her  for  a  Priest  or  Bishop, 
Took  her  for  an  Emissary 
Of  the  Church  of  Eome,  the  hated. 
For  his  sight  was  bleared  and  blinded 
By  the  arts  of  the  Dark  Lanterns, 
And  he  only  saw  a  Bishop^ 
Saw  a  foreign,  Komish   Bishop, 
Though  't  was  Liberty  in  person ! 
Then  he  slammed  the  door  upon  her, 
And  the  lady,  straight,  departed. 


240  LIBERTY    STILL    SEARCHES, 

Thus  it  was  that  the  Dark  Lanterns 
Did  not  know  the  God  they  worshiped, 


32*  fctjjflant  tnwfeetpf  r  of  j>*  33  ark  ILantern  ILoticje  barret!)  jj'tioor 
B!  flrcat  ILtbcrtg. 


Do  not  know  the  God  they  worship, 
But  deny  her  face,  as  Peter 
Once  denied  his  Lord  and  Master. 
What  it  is  they  really  worship, 
May  be  you  can  tell,  for  I  can't. 

Liberty,  thus  unsuccessful, 
Asked  a  watchman  for  directions, 
Where  to  find  her  absent  youngster. 
Thus  she  found  where  he  had  gone  to, 
Gone  to  hear  the  great  French  actress, 
Gone  to  hear  Kachel,  the  actress, 
Jabber  French  for  Yankee  dollars. 


AND    AT    LAST    FINDS    HER    SON. 

Liberty  went  in.  a  dead-head, 
In  the  boxes  found  her  offspring, 
With  his  hair  all  oiled  and  greasy, 
Just  as  it  had  come  from  Phalon's, 
With  an  opera-glass  before  him, 
With  a  play-book  in  his  fingers, 
Trying  to  follow  the  great  actress, 


241 


portrait  of  gt  grat  mactjfl,  from  gf  orfjinal  sfcctcf)  translate*  from  jf  list 
JFrrncfj  »B»lion  :  lafer n  at  tljr  moment  0f)e  ia  eupposrU  to  »aj, 

••yollg  faoiis  fanrg." 

"Making  believe"  he  understood  her, 

And  his  vixen  wife  sat  by  him. 
SI 


242  HE    CUTS    HEE    DEAD. 

When  the  young  man  saw  his  mother 
In  her  soiled  and  dusty  garments, 
Without  hoops,  or  silks,  or  laces, 
Without  opera-cloak  or  diamonds, 
Lacking  all  the  elegances 
Of  a  fashionable  wardrobe, 
Thinking  to  himself,  he  muttered, 
"  Snobistocracy  will  wonder, 
Mrs.  Grundy  turn  her  nose  up, 
f  If  I  recognize  that  woman  ; 
And  the  best  thing  I  can  think  of, 
Is  to  cut  her  dead  as  blazes." 
So  he  fixed  his  glass  upon  her, 
Stared  with  both  eyes  full  upon  her 
Then  refused  to  recognize  her, 
Looked  as  if  he  did  n't  know  her, 
Turned  his  gaze  upon  the  actress, 
On  the  chattering  Gallic  actress, 
And  pretended  to  be  listening. 


HEB    CONSEQUENT    WKATH.  243 


transffxetf)  se  maternal  partent. 

Liberty  "saw  through  the  mill-stone," 
And  marked  out  her  course  of  action ; 
So  she  marched  outside  the  "show-shop/* 
Took  her  station  on  the  curbstone, 
Then  began,  and  spake  as  follows: 
"  Good-by,  Yengah  land,  I  leave  you ; 
You  have  swindled  and  betrayed  me ; 
Yunga-Merrakah,  I  leave  you — 
You  have  humbled  and  abused  me ; 
I  disown  you,  I  deny  you : 
You  're  no  child  of  mine,  by  thunder  1" 
Then  she  caught  the  Yengah  eagle 


244  HER    FINAL    EXIT. 

By  the  neck,  and  wrung  his  head  off, 
Wrapped  the  stars  and  stripes  about  her. 
Took  the  ferry-boat  for  Jersey, 
Leaving  Yengah  land  forever. 


labrrtg  torapttatctl) 


XXIV. 

Cufft*  trmmplmut — Jat  uiusjertrtr  Snuslj— 
iiiimt  of  t^e 


HUS  fie  lady  left  the  country, 
Left   her  weak,  degenerate  off 
spring. 
From  this  time  our  puny  hero 

Smaller    grow    each    day,    and 
meaner ; 


246  HIS    DOWNHILL    JOUKNEY. 

And  the  sun,  each  night  descending, 
Found  him  less  than  in  the  morning; 
And  the  sun;  each  morn  arising, 
Found  him  smaller  than  at  evening. 
One  by  one,  he  lost  the  virtues, 
Lost  the  few  and  scanty  virtues — 


3JJunjja»|Kerrafcaf)  tmt'tatrtlj,  in  brew  antr  manners,  J 
once  great  familg  callrti  ge  (Samplers. 

Virtues  of  whose  solid  substance, 
He  had  once  possessed  the  shadow , 
Lost  that  glimmering  of  manhood, 
Lost  that  semblance  faint  of  honor, 


SYMPTOMS  OF  TROUBLE.  247 

Lost  those  signs  of  earnest  vigor 

Of  which  he,  in  youth,  had  boasted. 

But  his  trickery  and  cunning, 

All  his  greed,  and  wile,  and  shrewdness, 

All  his  love  of  mean  intriguing, 

Still  remained  as  strong  as  ever ; 

And  he  only  lacked  the  power 

Still  to  be  a  noted  villain. 

Now  the  Northmen  and  the  Southmen, 
After  many  a  year  of  quarrel 
On  the  ancient  Cuffee  question, 
Came,  at  last,  to  open  battle 
On  the  bloody  field  of  Kansas ; 
There  to  have  the  final  struggle 
Tor  the  ownership  of  Cuffee 
And  the  lordship  of  the  country. 

Both  the  armies  now  were  mustered ; 
From  the  North,  the  furious  legions 
Hastened  to  the  place  of  fighting, 
Armed  with  swords,  and  armed  with  pistols, 


248        THE   NORTH    AND    SOUTH    ARM   FOR   BATTLE, 

Armed  with  tracts,  and  armed  with  BILlcs, 
Armed  with  Beecher's  "  moral  rifles/' 
Which  would  preach  most  rnovinj  sermons, 
And  convince  their  foes  of  error. 


Jmplrnwnts  of  lain  antt  ortrr  fcfntilg  furntsfjcfi  to  g«  patriotic  inhabitants 
of  2e  countrn  callrti  5ian&aa  bg  jje  JCortlj  anti  uc  Soutf). 


From  the  South  came  other  legions, 
Also  ready  for  the  struggle, 
Also  armed  with  swords  and  pistols, 
Bowie-knives  and  long  revolvers, 
With  a  store  of  stinging  horsewhips, 
With  a  store  of  tar  and  feathers, 
To  regale  their  captive  foemen, 
Treat  their  anti-slavery  foemen, 
When  they  should  have  made  them  prisoners. 


AND    THE    FUN    BEGINS.  249 

After  preaching  from  the  parsons, 
After  speeches  from  the  leaders, 
After  whisky  from  the  barrels, 
Both  the  armies  took  their  coats  off, 
And  prepared  for  deadly  conflict. 
Then  they  all  mixed   in  together, 
Had  a  grand,  impartial  battle, 
No  one  showing  fear  or  favor, 
No  one  crying  quit,  or  quarter, 
Each  one  slashing  up  his  neighbor, 
Shooting,  stabbing  friend  and  brother, 
In  one  great,  promiscuous  murder. 

There,  for  years,  they  kept  the  fight  up, 
From  the  South  and  North  recruiting, 
As  their  forces,  both,  diminished, 
Till  at  last  the  very  women, 
All  the  women  and  the  children 
Of  the  land  of  Pluri-bus-tah, 
On  the  fatal  field  had  fallen, 

And  the  land  was  all  deserted. 
32 


250     CtJPFEE,    WATCHING    HIS    OPPORTUNITY, 

Cuffee,  when  the  fight  was  ended, 
Took  possession  of  the  country, 


And  himself  the  King  elected. 


Jg*  once  ntutfy  persecuted  Slarfcamoor  rrratrtf)  Ijimsclf  Uing  of  3*  Jfttat 
rountrg  of  gf  fccfunrt  pluri'bus'ta!). 

Thus  was  modernized  the  fible 

Of  the  cats,  and  cheese    and  monkey. 

Thus  did  Caff  become  the  ruler, 

Ruler  and  the  sole  survivor, 

Save  his  puny,  former  master, 

In  the  land  of  Pluri-bus-tah. 

Then  he  crossed  the  ancient  landmark, 
Crossed  th?  lino  of  Mah-sun-dic-sun, 
C;ime  fr>m   K-msas  and   Nebraska, 
Owning  all  the  Yen^ah  nation. 


ELECTS  HIMSELF  CHIEF  COOK. 

All  the  cities,  all  the  country, 
Were  the  property  of  Cuffee, 
And  the  city  of  Manhattan 
Was  the  home  of  conquering  Cuffee. 
He  had  risen  against  his  master, 
Risen  against  his  puny  master, 
Yunga-Menakah,  his  master, 
And  beneath  his  thumb  had  got  him. 


251 


g*  Sing  mafatf)  gunga-jgerraka!)  fcrl  l)is  pofoer. 

Cuffee,  now,  his  wrongs  remembering, 
Which  he,  in  his  youth  had  suffered, 
From  the  Either,   Pluri-bus-tah, 
On  the  son  now  turned  the  tables, 
Made  him  pull   his  Shanghai  coat  off, 


252  HOW     HE     SERVED     HIS     MASTER. 

Made   him  take  a  spade  and  pick-ax 
Suited  to  his  small  dimensions, 
Made  him  sweat,  and  slave,  and  labor, 
As  old  Cufiee  did  before  him. 

All  the  fields  were  now  neglected, 
Undisturbed  by  plow  or  harrow, 
All  the  verdant,   fertile  meadows, 
Blooming  prairies,  waving  corn-fields 
All  the  Southern  broad  plantations, 


g  *  remains  of  af  {jrrat  fcoorfoaj)  of  5*  ancient  . 

CTtinpIc  called  j]e  Qstor. 

All  the  Northern  wide  spread  grain-fields, 
Changed  into  a  dreary  desert, 


WHAT    BECOMES     OF    THE    COUNTRY.         253 

Overgrown  with  thorns  and  thistles, 
Home  for  toads  and  crawling  serpents. 

Years  passed  on  and  sable  CufFee, 
Ignorant  and  unenlightened, 
Could  not  rule  the  wide-spread  country, 
From  which  he  had  driven  his  master, 
Knew  not  how  to  rule  the  sources 
From  which  it  derived  its  greatness. 
Then  the  Lathe  and  Engine  rusted, 


Relics  founti  in  5'  Buin*  of  a*  «nrient  JHan&attan. 

Then  the  Loom,  the  Press,  the  Anvil, 
In  the  mold  of  earth  were  buried. 
Then  the  Kailroad  was  forgotten, 


254         YUNGA-MERRAKAH     GOES    TO     WORK. 

Then  the  Locomotive,  useless, 

Then  the  Lightning  broke  the  fetters 

With  which  Morse  to  earth  had  chained  it, 

And  escaping,  fled  forever. 

In  the  docks  the  shipping  rotted, 

And  the  sea,  no  more  a   servant, 

Wrecked  and  ruined  all   the  steamers. 

Years  rolled  on,  and  buildings  moldered, 

Years  rolled  on,  and  desolation 

Ruled  the  land  of  Pluri-bus-tah. 

Yunga-Mcrrakah  had  dwindled 
To  a  size  so  small  and  tiny, 
That  if  the  distinguished  General 
Thomas  Thumb  was  placed  beside  him, 
Tom  would  seem  a  monstrous  giant. 
And  the  unforgiving  Cuffec, 
Stern  and  unrelenting  Cufiee, 
Kept  his  cruel  thumb  upon  him, 
Made  him  wield  the  spade  and  pick-ax, 
Wield  them,  not  for  gain  or  profit, 


TRAGICAL  END  OF  THE  HEEO.       255 


Only  for  black  Cuffee's  pleasure, 
Only  to  glut  Cuffee's  vengeance. 


JSIacfcamoor  Sing  ctmcatetf)  gunga-iBmakafr  into  a 
masteries  of  jjarti  fojorfc. 


One  day  making  excavations, 
In  the  ruins  of  Manhattan, 
The  great  city  of  Manhattan, 
Yunga-Merrakah  discovered, 
Something  huge,  and  round,  and  shining. 
Days  he  tugged  and  toiled  to  get  it, 
From  the  ruins  to  unearth  it, 
And,  at  last,  almost  succeeded, 
When  the  monstrous  mass  of  metal 
Toppled  over — crushed  him— smashed  him, 
Smashed  him  into  human  chowder, 


256  CUFFEE    BEING    LEFT    SOLITARY, 

For  it  was  his  father's  idol, 
Was  old  Pluri-bus-tah's  idol ; 
It  was  the  Almighty  dollar. 
Yunga-Merrakah  thus  perished, 
Seeking  the  Almighty  dollar, 
Smashed  so  far  beyond   redemption, 
That  at  the  great  final  roll-call, 
Yunga-Merrakah  won't  answer; 
For  his  life,  his  soul,  his  spirit, 
All  were  sacrificed  together^ 
Were  demolished  by  the  dollar, 
Smashed  by  the  Almighty  dollar. 

Cufiee,  thus  remaining  solus 
(All  his  friends  long  since  were  buried) 
In  the  ruins  of  Manhattan, 
Last  of  all  the  Yengah  nation, 
Strolled  up  Broadway,  now  deserted, 
To  the  former  site  of  "  Christy's/' 
Here  he  kicked  about  the  ruins 
In  a  most  ferocious  manner, 


CONSOLES    HIMSELF     WITH     MUSIC.  257 

Till  his  foot  turned  up  a  banjo 
Which  had  there  remained  for  ages, 
Keady  strung  and  tuned  for  playing. 
Cuffee  gazed  upon  the  banjo, 
Then  he  looked  upon  the  dollar. 


King  33Iacfeantoor  triftcotorrtfb  in  ge  ruins  of  gf  andent  JJTempU  of  g* 
33Iack  JjElttsfs,  a  benrrable  iSanfo. 

Liberty  was  stamped  upon  it, 
Liberty,  her  form  and  image — 
And  her  only  form  and  image 
Left  in  all  that  wide-spread  country, 

Was  her  form  upon  the  dollar. 
33 


258  HE    TISITS    TAMMANY     HALL. 

CufFee  sat  him  down  and  pondered, 
Pondered  bow  to  spend  the  dollar. 
No  more  rum,  and  no  more  whisky, 
No  more  music,  and  no  more  dancing, 
How  shall  Cuffee  spend  his  dollar  ? 
Echo  answered,  "Gin  and  sugar/' 
Down  to  Tammany  he  hastened, 
Thinking,  as  he  hurried  onward, 
There,  where  Democrats  assembled, 
There,  where  ruled  the  mighty  Kynders, 
There  11  be  liquor  found,  if  any 
Has  survived  the  lapse  of  ages. 


a* 

ge  3-t{rt£j  fafgitctf)  sf  ruins  of  ce  famous  STammang. 

Soon  he  reached  the  ancient  ruin, 
And  amid  the  bricks  and  mortar, 


WHERE    HE    SINGS     HIS    DEATH     SONG.       259 

Found  a  mighty  smell  of  whisky, 
Only  this  and  nothing  further.'-' 

Then  he  set  the  dollar  edgewise, 
Then  he  took  the  tuneful  banjo, 


ge  Dtt'Ujj  berometfj  lonesome.    .Stngetf)  g*  platntibe  treatfj-song,  commencinc 
"  E'm  cjtm'ne  atoaj)  to  Icabc  QO\I,"  £c.,  anti  tiies. 

Gazed  upon  the  lonely  image, 
And  extemporized  his  death-song ; 
To  the  air  of  Yankee  Doodle, 
Ancient  air  of  Yankee  Doodle, 

*  "  You  may  break,  you  may  shatter  the  vase  if  you  will, 

But  the  scent  of  the  roses  will  hang  round  it  still." — MOORE. 


260  MELANCHOLY    DEATH     OF    CUFFEE. 

Sung  his  sad  and  cruel  death-song, 

Like  the  Indians  that  you  read  of 

In  the  song  of  Hiawatha. 

Then  he  laid  him  down  and  died  there, 

With  the  banjo  in  his  fingers, 

With  his  feet  stuck  through  a  coal-hole? 

With  his  nose  among  the  cinders, 

And  his  mouth  half  full  of  ashes. 

Cuffee  laid  him  down  and   died  there, 

And  the  dollar  was  his  head-stone. 

Thus  our  every-day-scen   hero, 
Yunga-Mcrrakah;  had  fizzled ; 
Cuffee  also  was  a  corpus, 
Like  poor  Villikins'  fair   Dinah — 
And  the  mighty  Yengah  nation. 
Now  was  perished  and  forgotten, 
While  its  only  trace  or  token, 
Was  the  last,  Almighty  dollar. 

In  the  land  of  the  Hereafter, 
When  the  Master  of  life  shall  seek  us, 


GRAND    FINALE. 


261 


Seek  to  find  this  Yengah   nation, 
He  shall  only  find  its  syinoi;!, 
Only  the  Almighty  dollar. , 
The  Almighty,  Yankee  dollar, 
Our  sole  delegate  to  Heaven, 
Then  shall  represent  our  nation 
In  that  glorious  "good  time  coming/' 
In  the  land  of  the  Hereafter. 


1ST  lranU  Catasfcoplj*.    ge  SUmigfjta  JDoIIar  crusfjct^ 


M    O   K   A   L. 


FINIS 


NOTE. 


AN 

AUTHENTIC    HISTORY 

OF  OUR 

fto's  f  jartrait  anfc  S 


THE  autograph  attached  to  the  Frontispiece 
is  a  fac-simile,  taken  from  the  original  signature 
on  a  six  months'  note-of-hand  for  two  and  nine- 
pence  sterling,  given  "by  Pluri-bus-tah  in  settle 
ment  of  a  bill  for  a  rump  steak,  at  a  porter 
house.  The  descendants  of  the  illustrious  hero, 
not  wishing  to  make  public  the  fact  that  he  set 
tled  so  small  a  bill  in  so  unusual  a  manner,  tore 
the  name  from  the  paper,  and  it  was  only  res 
cued  from  destruction,  and  preserved  to  the  world, 


264  NOTE. 

by  a  providential  accident.  The  engraving  is  an 
accurate  copy  of  an  old  and  exceedingly  scarce 
picture,  which  was  discovered,  [by  a  small  boy 
who  was  in  search  01  a  inariin's  nest;]  under  the 
west  end  of  the  third  clapboard  from  the  bottom, 
on  the  belfry  of  the  old  shingle  church,  which 
stands  half-way  up  the  hill  on  the  shady  side  of 
the  frog-pond,  with  its  gable  end  fronting  the 
pump.  The  likeness  is  said  to  be  admirably 
correct. 


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Pric«  Fifty  cents 

tm 


The    Lawyer's    Story  $   or,  tnt 

Orphan's  Wrongs.  Two  vols.,  papei 
cover.  Price  One  Dollar ;  or  bound  ia 
one  volume,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

MAXWELL'S   WOKS. 

Brian  O'Lynn  $  or,  Luck  Is  Brerj 

thing.     Price  50  cents. 

Wild    Sports    in    the    West. 

One  volume.    P-ioe  60  ceuU. 


T.  B.  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS'  PUBLICATIONS.    3 


MRS.  CAROLINE.  LEE  HENTZ'S  WORKS. 


The  Lost  Daughter;  and  Other 
StorloR  of  the  Heart.  (Just  published.) 
Two  Tolumes,  paper  cover.  Price  One 
Dollar  ;  or  in  one  vol.,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

planter's  Northern  Bride. 
Beautifully  Illustrated.  Two  volumes, 
paper  cover,  600  pages.  Price  One  Dol 
lar  ;  or  in  one  volume,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

wlnda.  The  Young  Pilot  of 
tlie  Belle  Creole.  Two  volumes, 
paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar ;  or 
bound  in  one  volume,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

Robert  Graham.  The  Sequel  to, 
and  Continuation  of  Linda.  Two  vols., 
paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar ;  or 
bound  in  one  volume,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

Courtship  and  Marriage.  Two 
volumes,  paper  cover.  Price  One  Dol 
lar  ;  or  one  volume,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 


Rena;    or,    The     Snow    Bird. 

Two  vols,  paper  cover.  Price  One  Dol 
lar ;  or  in  one  vol.,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

Marcus  Warland.  PwovoliHaes, 
paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar ;  «f 
bound  in  one  volume,  cloth,  for  $i  26. 

Love  after  Marriage.  Twovolr, 
paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar ;  «i 
bound  in  one  vol.,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

Eoline;    or,    Magnolia     Vale. 

Two  vols.,  paper  cover.  Price  One 
Dollar ;  or  in  one  vol.,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

The  Banished  Son.  Two  vols., 
paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar;  or 
bound  in  one  vol.,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

Helen  and  Arthur.  Two  vols., 
paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar;  or 
bound  in  one  vol.,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 


The  whole  of  the  above  are  also  published  in  a  very  fine  style,  bound  in  full 
Crimson,  with  gilt  edges,  full  gilt  sides,  gilt  backs,  etc.,  making  them  the  best  book' 
tor  presentation,  at  the  price,  published.  Price  of  either  one  in  this  style,  $2. 00  a  copy. 

MISS    PARDOE'S    WORKS. 


Confessions  of  a  Pretty  Wo 
man.  By  Miss  Pardoe.  Complete 
In  one  large  octavo  volume.  Price  50 
cents. 

The  Jealous  Wife.  By  Miss  Par- 
doe.  Complete  in  one  large  octavo 
volume.  Price  Fifty  cents. 

The  Wife's  Trials.  By  Miss  Par- 
doe.  Complete  in  one  large  octavo 
volume.  Price  Fifty  cents. 

The   Rival   Beauties.    By  Miss 


Pardoe.     Complete  in  one  large  octavo 
volume.     Price  Fifty  cents. 
Romance    of  the    Harem.    By 

Miss  Pardoe.     Complete  in  one  large 
octavo  volume.    Price  Fifty  cents. 
The  whole  of  the  above  Five  w~rlts  art 

also  bound  in  cloth,  gilt,  in  one  larga 

octavo  volume.    Price  $2.50. 

The  Adopted  Heir.  By  Mis* 
Pardoe.  Two  vols.,  paper  cover.  Price 
$1.00 ;  or  in  cloth,  $1.25.  (In  Press.) 


MRS.   ANN    S.    STEPHENS'  WORKS. 


Mary  Derwent.  This  is  Mrs.  Ann 
S.  Stephens'  last  new  work.  Complete 
In  two  volumes,  paper  cover.  Price 
One  Dollar;  or  in  one  vol.,  cloth,  $1.25. 

Fashion  and  Famine.  Two  vol 
umes,  paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar ; 
or.'}  one  volume,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 


The  Old  Homestead.  Two  vol 
umes,  paper  cover.  Price  One  Dullar  ; 
or  in  one  volume,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

The  Gipsy's  Legacy}  or,  the 
Heiress  of  Greeiihurst.  Two 
volumes,  paper  cover.  Price  One  Dol 
lar  ;  or  in  one  volume,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 


COOK    BOOKS.       BEST    IN    THE    WORLD. 


Miss  Leslie's  New  Cookery 
Book.  Being  the  largest,  best,  and 
most  complete  Cook  Book  ever  got  up 
by  Miss  Leslie.  Now  first  published. 
One  volume.  Price  $1.25. 

Hr«.  Hale's  New  Cook  Book. 
By  Mrs.  Sarah  J.  Hale.  One  volume, 
Vmnd.  Price  One  Dollar. 


Miss  Leslie's  New  Receipt* 
for  Cooking.  Complete  in  on*) 
large  volume,  bound.  Price  0»« 
Dollar. 

Widclifield's  New  Cook  Book* 
or,  Practical  Receipts  for  the  House 
wife.  Recommended  by  all.  On«  r»l- 
ume,  cloth.  Price  One  Dollar. 


MRS.   HALE'S   RECEIPTS. 


91  m.  Hale's  Receipts  for  the 
Million.  Containing  Four  Thou 
sand  Five  Hundred  and  Forty-five  Re 
ceipts,  Facts,  Directions,  and  Know 
ledge  for  All,  in  ILe  LWul,  Orna 


mental,  and  Dom-«ttc  Ai>«.  Being  a 
complete  Family  1  'rector  *u<l  Houa«- 
hold  Guide  for  th,  Milli-a  By  Mnt 
Sarah  J.  Hale.  One  volniaa,  500  page* 
strongly  bound.  Price,  |1.2fl 


*    T.  B,  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS'  PUBLICATIONS. 


CIIARLUS    LEVER'S    WORKS. 

AU  neatly  done  up  in  paper  covers. 


diaries  O'Malley,.Pncs  60  cents. 
Harry    Lorrequer,  .....    60     " 
Horace    Templeton,...    60     " 
Tom   Burke  of  Ours,    60     " 
Jack       Hinton,       the 
Guardsman,  ............... 


60 


Arthur   O'Iieary,....P«tc<  SO  wins* 
Knight  of  G  wynne,..     60     •» 
Kate    O'Donoghue,....     60      - 
Con  Cregaii,  tlie  Irish 

Gil  Bias, 60      '• 

Davenport     Duiiii,     a 

Man  of  our  Day, 60      " 

A  complete  sett  of  the  above  will  be  sold,  or  sent  to  any  one,  to  any  pln«e,  /r*. 
of  postage,  for  $4.00. 

LIBRARY     EDITION, 

THIS  EDITION  is  complete  in  FOUR  large  octavo  volumes,  containing  Charie* 
O'Malley,  Harry  Lorrequer,  Horace  Templeton,  Tom  Burke  of  Ours,  Arthur  O'Leary, 
Jack  Hintouthe  Guardsman,  The  Knight  of  Gwynne,  Kate  O'Donoghue,  etc.,  hand 
somely  printed,  and  bound  in  various  styles,  as  follows : 

Price  of  a  sett  in  Black  cloth, $6.00 

"        Scarlet  cloth, 6.60 

"  "        Law  Library  sheep, 7.00 

"  "        Half  Calf, 9.00 

"  "       Half  Calf,  marbled  edges,  French, 10.00 

"        Half  Calf,  antique 12.00 

FINER    EDITIONS. 
Charles  O'Malley,  fine  edition,  one  volume,  cloth, $1.50 

«  «  Half  calf, 2.00 

Harry  Lorrequer,  fine  edition,  one  volume,  cloth, 1.60 

«  tt  Half  calf, 2.00 

Jack  Hinton,  fine  edition,  one  volume,  cloth 1.60 

«  "  Half  calf, 2.00 

Valentine  Vox,  fine  edition,  one  volume,  cloth, 1.60 

«  "  Half  calf, 2.00 

«  «  cheap  edition,  paper  cover, 60 

Ten  Thousand,  a  Year,  fine  edition,  one  volume,  cloth, 1.60 

"  "         Half  calf, 2.00 

"  «         cheap  edition,  paper  cover.  Two  volumes, l.Ofl 

Diary  of  a  Medical  Student.     By  S.  C.  Warren,  author  of  "Ten 
Thousand  a  Tear. "    One  volume,  octavo, 60 

HUMOROUS    ILLUSTRATED    WORKS. 


Major  Jones'  Courtship  and 
Travels.  Beautifully  illustrated. 
One  volume,  cloth.  Price  $1.25. 

Major  Jones'  Scenes  in  Geor 
gia.  Full  of  beautiful  illustrations. 
One  volume,  cloth.  Price  $1.25. 

Sam  Slick,  the   Clockmaker. 

By  Judge  Haliburton.  Illustrated. 
Being  the  best  funny  work  ever  writ 
ten  by  any  one  in  this  vein.  Two  vols., 
paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar;  or 
bound  in  one  volume,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

Simon  Suggs'  Adventures 
and  Travels.  Illustrated.  One 
volume,  cloth  Price  $1.25. 

tlnmors  of  Falconhridge.  Two 

volumes,  paper  cover      Price  One  Dol 
lar  ;  or  one  vol.,  clotn,  for  $1.26. 
frank      Forester'*     Sporting 


Scenes  «&,   Characters.      Illus 
trated.     Two  vols. ,  cloth.     Price  $2. 60. 
Dow's  Short  Patent  Sermons. 
First    Series.      By   Dow,    Jr. 

Containing  128  Sermons.  Complete  in 
one  volume,  cloth,  for  One  Dollar  or 
paper  cover,  75  cents. 

Dow's  Short  Patent  Sermons. 
Second  Series.  By  Dow,  Jr. 

Containing  144  Sermons.  Complete  in 
one  volume,  cloth,  for  One  Dollar  ;  01 
paper  cover,  75  cents. 

Dow's  Short  Patent  Sermons. 
Third  Series,  ky  Dow,  Jr 
Containing  116  Sermons.  Complete  in 
one  volume,  cloth,  for  One  Dollar  ;  or 
paper  cover,  75  cf>nt». 

American  Joe  Miller.  With  IOC 
Illustrations  One  of  the  most  humor 
ous  books  ir.  the  world  Prise  26  cenu 


T.  B,  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS'  PUBLICATIONS.    6 

CHARLES    DICKENS'    WORKS. 

fourteen  Different  Editiont  in  Octaroo  Form. 

"PETERSON'S"  are  the  only  complete  and  uniform  editions  of  Charles  DicVe«n 
Works  ever  published  in  the  world ;  they  are  printed  from  the  original  London  Edi 
tions,  and  are  the  only  editions  published  in  this  country.  No  library  either 
public  or  private,  can  be  complete  without  having  in  it  a  complete  sett  of  tfc« 
works  of  this,  the  greatest  of  all  living  authors.  Every  family  should  possess  a 
eett  of  one  of  the  editions.  The  cheap  edition  is  c&^iplete  in  Sixteen  Volume* 
paper  cover  ;  either  or  all  of  which  can  be  had  separately,  as  follows : 


Little  Don-it, Price  60  cents. 

Pickwick  Papers, 60  " 

Dickens'  New  Stories,  60  " 

Bleak  House, 60  " 

David.  Copperfield, 60  " 

Dombey   and   Son, 60  " 

Nicholas  Nickleby, 60  " 

Christmas   Stories, 60  " 

Martin  Chuzzlewit,....  60  " 


Barnaby  Itudge,... Pries  50  canta 

Old  Curiosity   Shop,....  60  " 

Sketches  by  "Boz," 60  «• 

Oliver    Twist, 60  " 

The  Two  Apprentices,  25  •• 
Wreck  of  the  Golden 

Mary, 25  " 

Perils  of  certain  En 
glish  Prisoners, 25  * 


A  complete  sett  of  the  above  Sixteen  books,  will  be  sold,  or  sent  to  any  ome,  if  **9 
place,  fret  of  postage,  for  $6.00. 


LIBRARY    OCTAVO    EDITION. 

Published  in  Seven  Different  Styles. 

This  Edition  is  complete  in  SIX  very  large  octavo  volumes,  with  a  Portrait  on  w«i 
»f  Charles  Dickens,  containing  the  whole  of  the  above  works,  handsomely  printed 
»nd  bound  in  various  styles. 

Vol.  1  contains  Pickwick  Papers  and  Curiosity  Shop* 
"      55       do.        Oliver    Twist,    Sketches   by    « Box,"   and   B»r> 

naby  lludge. 

"      3       do.       Nicholas  Nickleby,  and  Martin  Chuzzlewit. 
**      4k       do.        David     Copperfteld,     Dombey     and     Son,    »*d 

Christmas  Stories. 

"      5       do.        Bleak  House,  and  Dickens'  New  Stories. 
««      6      do.       .Little  Dorrit.    In  two  books— Poverty  and  Riches. 

Priw  of  a  sett,  in  Black  cloth, $9  <» 

Scarlet  cloth,  extra, 10.0* 

Law  Library  style, ll.Ofl 

Half  Turkey,  or  Half  Calf, 13.0* 

Half  calf,  marbled  edges.  French 14 .~A 

Half  calf,  real  ancient  antique,.  180* 

Half  calf,  full  gilt  backs,  etc 18.CO 


ILLUSTRATED    OCTAVO    EDITION. 

THIS  EDITION  IS  TN  THIRTEEN  VOLUMES,  and  Is  printed  on  very  flirt 
and  fine  white  paper,  and  is  profusely  illuHtraw;  with  all  the  original  Illustration* 
fcy  Cruikshank,  Alfred  Crowquill,  Phiz,  etc.,  from  the  original  London  «dit'on».  e» 
•opp«r,  steel,  and  wood.  Each  volume  contain*  -  novel  complete,  and  may  be  kao 
U  complete  setts,  beautifully  bound  in  cloth,  for  Nineteen  Dollars  a  wtt :  «r  any 


8    T.  B  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS'  PUBLICATIONS. 

T»lnme  will  be  hold  separately  at  One  Dollar  and  Fifty  cents  oach.    The  followinj 
are  their  respective  naine« : 

Little  Dorrlt.  Nicholas  Nickleby. 


Pickwick   Papers* 
Barnaby  Rudge. 
Old  Curiosity  Shop. 
Bleak  House. 
David  Copper  Held. 
Dombey  and  Son. 


Christmas  Stories. 
Martin  Chuzzlewit. 
Sketches  by   "Box." 
Oliver  Twist. 
Dickens'  >"ew  Stories. 


rice  of  a  sett,  in  Black  cloth,  in  Thirteen  volumes, $19.450 

"  Full  Law  Library  style, 26.t4 

"  Half  calf,  or  half  Turkey, 29.00 

Half  calf,  marbled  edges,  French, 32.6§ 

"  Half  calf,  ancient  antique, , 39.00 

"  Half  calf,  full  gilt  backs,  etc 39.00 


DUODECIMO    ILLUSTRATED    EDITION. 

Complete  in  Twenty-Five  Volumes. 

The  Editions  In  Duodecimo  form  are  beautifully  Illustrated  with  over  Five  Hun* 
Ared  Steel  and  Wood  Illustrations,  from  designs  by  Cruikshank,  Phiz,  Leech, 
Browne,  Maclise,  ete.,  illustrative  of  the  best  scenes  in  each  work,  making  it  the 
most  beautiful  and  perfect  edition  in  the  world ;  and  each  work  is  also  reprinted 
from  the  first  original  London  editions  that  were  issued  by  subscription  in  monthly 
numbers,  and  the  volumes  will  be  found,  on  examination,  to  be  published  on  tha 
finest  and  best  of  white  paper. 

This  edition  of  Dickens'  Works  is  now  published  complete,  entire,  and  unabridged 
in  Twenty-five  beautiful  volumes,  and  supplies  what  has  long  been  wanted,  an  edi 
tion  that  shall  combine  the  advantages  of  portable  size,  large  and  readable  type, 
and  uniformity  with  other  standard  English  authors. 

This  Duodecimo  edition  has  been  gotten  up  at  an  expense  of  over  Forty-Fiv6 
Tfiousand  Dollars,  but  the  publishers  trust  that  an  appreciative  public  will  repay 
them  for  the  outlay,  by  a  generous  purchase  of  the  volumes.  All  they  ask  is  for 
the  public  to  examine  them,  and  they  are  confident  they  will  exclaim,  with  ona 
voice,  that  they  are  the  handsomest  and  cheapest,  and  best  illustrated  Sett  of  Works 
ever  published.  This  edition  is  sold  in  setts,  in  various  styles  K  binding,  or  any 
Work  can  be  had  separately,  handsomely  bound  in  cloth,  ir  two  volumes  each, 
Price  $2.50  a  sett,  as  follows : 


Pickwick  Papers. 
Nicholas  Nickleby. 
David  Copperfteld. 
Oliver    Twist. 
Bleak    House. 
Little    Dorrit. 
Dombey  and  Son. 


Sketch**  by  "Boz." 
Bar^aby   Rudge. 
Martin  Chuzzlewit. 
Old  Curiosity  Shop. 
Christmas  Stories. 
Dickens'    New  Stories. 


*  sett  in  Twenty-Five  volumes,  bound  in  Black  cloth,  gilt  uacits $30  0* 

Full  Law  Library  style, 40.0C! 

**         Scarlet,  full  gilt,  sides,  edges,  etc., 46.00 

™         Half  calf,  ancient  antique,.... €006 

Half  calf,  full  gilt  back, ,  60.0C 

"         Full  calf,  aucient  antique, 7600 

*•         Full  calf,  giltedtfes,  backs,  etc.,.. 76.00 


T.  B.  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS'  PUBLICATIONS.    7 


PEOPLE'S     DUODECIMO    EDITION. 

PiMished  in  Eight  Different  Styles. 

This  Duodecimo  edition  is  complete  in  Thirteen  volumes,  of  near  One  Thousand 
pages  each,  with  two  illustrations  to  each  volume,  but  is  not  printed  OH  as  thiclr 
w  as  fine  paper  as  the  Illustrated  Edition,  but  contains  all  the  reading  mattei  tnat 
IB  in  the  Illustrated  Edition,  printed  from  large  type,  leaded.  The  volumes  ar« 
sold  separately  or  together,  price  One  Dollar  and  Fifty  cents  each,  neatly  bound  in 
eloth  ;  or  a  complete  sett  of  Thirteen  volumes  in  this  style  will  be  sold  for  $19. 00 
following  are  their  names : 


Nicholas  Nickleby. 
Christmas   Stories. 
Old  Curiosity  Shop. 
Sketches  by  "  Boz." 
Oliver  Twist. 
Dickens'    New    Stories. 


Little  Dorrit. 
Pickwick  Papers. 
Martin  Chuzzlewit. 
Barnaby  Rudge. 
Bleak  House. 
David  Copperfleld. 
Dombey  and  Son. 

Price  of  a  sett,  in  Black  cloth $19.00 

Full  Law  Library  style, 24.0C 

Half  calf,  or  half  Turkey, 26.00 

Half  calf,  marbled  edges,  French, 28.00 

Half  calf,  ancient  antique, 3200 

Half  calf,  full  gilt  backs, 32.00 

Full  calf,  ancient  antique, 40.00 

Full  calf,  gilt  edges,  backs,  etc 40.00 

ADVENTURES    AND    TRAVELS. 

Harris's  Explorations  in 
South  Africa.  By  Major  Corn- 
wallis  Harris.  This  book  is  a  rich 
treat.  Two  volumes,  paper  cover. 
Price  $1.00  ;  or  in  cloth,  $1.25. 


Wild  Oats  Sown  Abroad;    or, 

On  and  Off  Soundings.     Price  50  cents 
in  paper  cover  ;  or  cloth,  gilt,  75  cents. 


Don  Quixotte.— Life  and  Ail- 
ventures  of  Don  Quixotic  \ 

and  his  Squire,  Sancho  Panza.  Com 
plete  in  two  volumes,  paper  co^  jr 
Price  $1.00. 


Liife  and  Adventures  of  Paul 
Periwinkle.  Full  of  Illustrations. 
Price  50  cents. 


EUGENE    SUE'S    GREAT    NOVELS. 

Martin  the  Foundling.     Beau- 


Illustrated  Wandering  Jew. 

With  Eighty-seven  large  Illustrations. 
Two  volumes.     Price  $1.00. 
Mysteries    of   Paris;    and    Ge- 
rolstein,  the   Sequel  to  it.     Two 
volumes,  paper  cover.     Price  $1.00. 

First  Love.    A  Story  of  the  Heart. 

Price  2£  cents. 
Woman's  Love.  Illustrated.  Price 

25  cents. 


GEORGE 


tifully  Illustrated.     Two  volumes,  pa 
per  cover.     Price  One  Dollar. 

The  Man-of-War's-Man.  Com 
plete  in  one  large  octavo  volume. 
Price  25  cents. 

The  Female   Bluebeard.     One 

volume.     Price  25  cents. 

Raoul  de  Surville.     One  volume. 

Price  25  cents.     (In  Prens.) 

LIPPARD'S    WORKS. 


Legends  of  the  American 
Revolution  ;  or,  Washington  and 
his  Generals.  Two  vols.  Price  $  1.00. 

The  Quaker  City;  or,  The  Monks 
of  Mouk  Hall  Two  volumes,  paper 
cover.  Price  One  Dollar. 

Paul  Ardenheim;  the  Monk  of 
Wissahikoo.  Two  volumes,  paper 
corer.  Price  One  Dollar. 

Blanche  of  Brnmlywine.  A 
Kevolutionary  K. nuance.  Two  vol 
umes,  paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar. 


The    Nazarene. 

50  cents. 


One  vol.     Price 


Legends  of  Mexico.  One  volume. 
Price  25  cents. 

The     Lady    of    Albarone  ;    or, 

The  Poison  Goblet.  Two  volumes,  p»- 
per  cover.  Price  One  Dollar  ;  or  bound 
in  one  volume,  cloth,  for  fl.25.  (/» 
Press.) 

New  York:  Its  Upper  Tea 
ti  nd  Lower  Million.  One  TO) 
nme.  Piice  .V)  cent*. 


8    T.  B.  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS'  PUBLICATIONS. 


HUMOROUS    AMERICAN    WORKS. 

With  Original  Illustrations  by  Darley  and  Others. 

Done  up  in  Illuminated  Covers. 

Major  Jones'  Courtship.    With 

Thirteen   Illustrations,   from    designs 

by  Darley.     Price  50  cents. 
Drama  in  Pokerville.  ByJ.  M. 

Field.     With  Illustrations  by  Darley. 

Price  Fifty  cents. 
Louisiana  Swamp  Doctor.  By 

authar  of  ''  Cupping  on  the  Sternum." 

Illustrated  by  Darley.     60  cents. 
Charcoal   Sketches.     By  Joseph 

C.  Neal.    With  Illustrations.    50  cents. 
Yankee     Amongst   the    Mer 
maids.     By  W.  E.  Burton.    With 

Illustrations  by  Darley.  Price  50  cents. 

Misfortunes  of  Peter  Faber. 

By  Joseph  C.  Neal.   With  Illustrations, 
by  Darley.     Price  Fifty  cents. 

Major  Jones'  Sketches  of  Tra 
vel.  With  Eight  Illustrations,  from 
designs  by  Darley.  Price  Fifty  cents. 

Western  Scenes;  or,  Life  on 
the  Prairie.  By  the  author  of 
"  Major  Jones'  Courtship."  50  cents. 


Quarter   Race  in  Kentucky 

By  W.  T.  Porter,  Esq.     With  Illustra 
tions  by  Darley.    Price  Fifty  cents. 

Sol.  Smith's  Theatrical  Ap 
prenticeship.  Illustrated  by 
Darley.  Price  Fifty  Cents. 

Yankee  Yarns  and  Tfankee 
Letters.  By  Sam  Slick,  alias  Judge 
Haliburton.  Price  60  cents. 

Life  and  Adventures  of  Col. 
Vanderbomb.  By  author  "  Wild 
Western  Scenes,"  etc.  Price  50  cents. 

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graham.  Price  Fifty  cents. 

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une."  With  Illustrations  by  Darley 
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rago.  By  Hon.  H.  H.  Brackenridge. 
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New    Orleans    Sketch    Book. 

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C.    J.    PETERSON'S    WORKS. 


If  ate  Aylesford.  A  Love  Story. 
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for  $1.25 

frutsing    in    the    Last    War. 

First  and  Second  Series.  Being  the 
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too.  Price  50  teats 


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f.  B  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS'  PUBLICATIOUb     9 


AL.EXANDRE    DUMAS'    WORKS. 


Count    of   Monte-Cristo.      67 

Alexandre  Dumas.  Complete  and  un 
abridged  edition.  Beautifully  Illus 
trated.  Two  volumes,  paper  cover. 
Price  $1 .00 ;  or  in  cloth,  $1 . 25. 

Kdmond  Dantes.  Being  a  Sequel 
to  Dumas'  celebrated  novel  of  the 
"Count  of  Monte-Cristo."  1vol.  SOcts. 

TPlie  Three  Guardsmen.  By 
Alexandre  Dumas.  Complete  in  one 
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tinuation  and  conclusion  of  the  "  Threa 
Guardsmen."  Twovols.  Price $1.00. 

Iconise    li&    Valliere  ;     or,    The 

Second  Series  and  End  of  the  "Iron 
Mask."  Two  volumes.  Price  $1.00. 

The  Memoirs  of  a  Physician. 

Beautifully  Illustrated.  Two  vols. 
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The  Queen's  Necklace.  A  Se 
quel  to  the  "  Memoirs  of  a  Physician." 
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Countess  of  Charny  5  or,  The  Fall 
of  the  French  Monarchy.  A  Sequel  to 
Six  Years  Later.  Two  vols.  $1 .00. 

The    Memoirs  of  a  Marquis* 

Complete  in  two  vols.    Price  $1.00 


George  5 
the   Isle 


Diana  of  Meridor  ;  or,  Franc«  )u 
the  Sixteenth  Centuiy.  Two  volmiUHU 
Price  One  Dollar. 

The  Iron  Hand  ;  or,  The  Knight  01 

Mauleon.  Beautifully  Illustrated.  Oat 
volume.  Price  50  cents. 

The  Forty-Five  Guardsmen* 

Beautifully  Illustrated.  One  volume. 
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Fernande  ;  or,  The  Fall*,. 
Angel.  A  Story  of  Life  iu  Paria. 
One  volume.  Price  Fifty  cents. 

Thousand  and  One  Plian» 
toms.  Complete  in  one  vol.  50  cts. 

or,  The   Planter  of 
of  France.    One  vol 

Price  Fifty  cents. 

Genevieve  ;  or,  The  Chevalier  of 
Maison  Eouge.  Oi*e  volume.  Illus 
trated.  Price  50  cents. 

Sketches  in  France.  One  vol 
ume.  Price  50  cents. 

Isabel  of  Bavaria.  One  volume. 
Price  50  cents. 

Felina   de   Chambure  ;    or,  The 

Female  Fiend.    60  cents. 

Andree   de  Taverney;    or,  The 

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of  Charny.  Two  vols.  $1.00.  (In 
Press.) 

The  Conscript  Soldier.  A  Tal« 
of  the  Empire.  Two  volumes,  paper 
cover.  Price  $1.00  ;  or  bound  iu  one 
volume,  cloth,  for  $1.25.  (In  Press.) 

The    Corsican    Brothers.       25 

cents.    (In  Press.) 


EMERSON    BENNETT'S    \VORKS. 

The  Forged  Will.    Price  50  cents, 

or  cloth,  gilt,  $1.00. 
Ellen  Norbury.    60  cents  ;  or  on« 

vol.,  cloth,  $1.00. 
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cents. :  or  in  cloth,  75  cents. 
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cloth,  gilt,  75  cents. 
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Walde-Warren.    60  cents 


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Clara  Moreland.    Price  60  cents  ; 

or  cloth,  gilt,  $1.00. 
Viola.    Price  60  cents;  or  in  cloth, 

gilt,  76  cents. 


HARRY    COCKTON'S    WORKS. 

Valentine  Vox,  the  Ventrilo-  |  The    Sisters.     By  Henry  Cockto*, 
quist.    One  vol.,  pap*r  cover,  50 cts; 


»r  a  finer  edition  in  clotti.  for  $1.50. 
•ylvester    Sound,    the    Som 
nambulist.   Illustrated.  Complete 
In  one  Urge  octavo  volumo.     Price  60 


author  of 
triloquist.  " 


Valentin  Vox,  tte  Van 
Price  .00  cents. 


The  Steward.     By  Henry  CockU*. 


Price  60  cents. 
Percy    Effiugh»m. 

Cock  ton.     Trio*  50  cents. 


EUmrj 


T.  B.  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS'  PUBLICATIONS. 


MRS. 


GREY  'S    POPULAR    NOVELS. 

Price  Twenty-Five  Cents  each. 


Gipsy's   Daughter. 
Lena  Cameron. 
Belle  of  the  Family. 
Sybil  Lennard. 
Duke  ami  Cousin. 
The  JLittle  \Vife. 
Manoeuvring  Mother* 


Baronet's  Daughter*. 
Young  Prim  a  Donna. 
Old  Dower  House* 
Alice   Seymour. 
Hyacinthe.        [50  cents 
Passion  &  Principle* 
Mary  Seaham.  50 cents. 


The    Young    Duke.     One   ocatTo 

volume.     Price  38  cents. 


D'ISRAELI'S     POPULAR    NOVELS. 

With  a  Portrait  of  D'Israeli  in  each  volume. 

^  Ivian    Grey.     One  large  volume, 

octavo.     Price  50  cents. 
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Daughter.     Price  50  cents. 
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Story.     Price  50  cents. 

MISS    ELLEN    PICKERING'S    WORKS. 

Price  Twenty-Five  Cents  each. 

Orphan  Niece.  Poor  Cousin. 

Kate  WTalsingham. 
Who  Shall  be  Heir  1 
The  Secret  Foe. 
The  Expectant. 
The   Fright. 
Quiet  Husband. 
The  Heiress. 


Contartni    Fleming.     An 

biography.     Price  38  ceuts. 
Miriam  Alroy.     A  Romance  of  tin 
12th  Century.     Price  38  ceuts. 


Ellen    Ware  ham. 

Nan  Darrel. 

Prince  and  Pedlar. 

Merchant's  Daughter. 

The  Squire. 

Agnes  Serle. 

The  Grumbler.    60  eta. 


FRANK    FAIRLEGH'S  WORKS. 


Frank  Fairlegh  ;  or,  Scenes  in  the 
Life  of  a  Private  Pupil.  By  Frank  E. 
Srnedley,  Esq.  Illustrated.  Paper 
cover.  Price  50  cents. 

Lewis  Arundel.  By  author  of 
"Frank  Fairlegh."  Illustrated.  One 
volume,  paper  cover.  Price  75  cents. 

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By  author  of  "  Frank  Fairlegh."  Com 
plete  in  one  volume.  Paper  cover. 
Price  50  cents. 


Lorrimer  Littlegood.  By  au 
thor  of  "  Frank  Fairlegh."  Complete 
in  two  volumes,  paper  cover.  Pric« 
$1.00  ;  or  bound  in  one  volume,  cloth, 
for  $1.2,5.  (In  Press.) 

Harry  Coverdale's  Court* 
ship,  and  All  that  Came  of  It.  Now 
first  published  Entire  and  Unabridged. 
Illustrated.  Two  volumes,  paper  cover. 
Price  One  Dollar ;  or  bound  in  oil* 
volume,  cloth,  $1.25.  (In  Press.) 


CAPTAIN    MARRYATT'S    WORKfc. 

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Snarleyow. 
Midshipman  Easy. 
The  Naval  Officer. 
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Ratlin,  the  Reefer. 


Japhet  Search  Father. 
Pacha  of  many  Tales. 
Pirate  &,  Three  Cutteia. 
Percival   Me  me.     oOcts. 
Poor  .Tack.    50  ceuts. 
Sea  King.    50  centa. 
Peter  Simple.    60  cenU 
Valerie.    50  ceuts 


T.  B.  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS'  PUBLICATIONS     11 


REYNOLDS'  GREAT  ROMANCES. 


n  >  stertes    of    the     Court    of  ; 

London*  Complete  in  two  largo 
volumes,  paper  cover.  Price  $1.00. 

Rose  Poster;  or,  "The  Second  Se 
ries  of  the  Mysteries  of  the  Court  of 
London."  3  vols.,  paper  cover.  $1.50. 

Caroline  of  Brunswick;  or, 
the  "Third  Series  of  the  Mysteries  of 
th«  Court  of  London."  Two  vols., 
pap«r  cover.  Price  One  Dollar. 

Tenetia  Trelawney;  being  the 
"Fourth  Series,  or  final  conclusion  of 
the  Mysteries  of  the  Court  of  London." 
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Dollar. 

Lord  Snxondale;  or,  The  Conrt 
of  Queen  Victoria.  Two  vols.,  paper 
cover.  Price  Oue  Dollar. 

Count  Christoval.  The  "  Sequel 
to  Lord  Saxoudale."  Two  volumes, 
paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar. 

Rosa  Lambert;  or,  The  Memoirs 
o!'  an  rTuf'ortuuate  Woman.  Two  vols., 
paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar. 

Mary  Pi  ice  ;  or,  The  Adventures 
of  a  ServHiit-Maid.  Two  vols.,  paper 
cover.  Price  One  Dollar. 

Eustace  Q,uentin.  A  "  Sequel  to 
Mary  Prito."  Two  volumes,  paper 
cover.  Pri  ^e  Oue  Dollar. 

Joseph  Wllmot;  or,  The  Memoirs 
of  a  Man-Servant.  Two  volumes,  pa 
per  cover.  Price  One  Dollar. 

The  Banker's  Daughter.  A 
Sequel  to  "Joseph  Wilmot."  Two 
vols.,  paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar. 

Kenneth.  A  Romance  of  the  High 
lands.  Two  volumes,  paper  cover. 
Price  One  Dollar. 

The  Rye-House  Plot ;  or,  Ruth, 
the  Conspirator's  Daughter.  Two  vols., 
paper  cover.  Price  $1.00. 

The  Opera  Dancer)  or,  The 
Mysteries  of  London  Life.  Complete 
in  one  octavo  volume.  Price  50  cents. 

The  Ruined  Gamester.  With 
Illustrations.  Complete  in  one  large 
octavo  volume.  Price  Fifty  cents. 

Wallace:  the  Hero  of  Scot 
land.  Beautifully  Illustrated  with 
Thirty-eight  plates.  Price  Fifty  cents. 

The  Child  of  "Waterloo;  or, 
The  Horrors  of  the  Battle  Field.  Com 
plete  in  one  octavo  volume.  50  cents. 

The  Discarded  Queen.  One 
Price  50  cents. 


J.    F.    SMITH'S 
The  Usurer's  Victim.    By  J.  F. 

Smith,  Esq.     Complete  in  one  large 
YQlnjua.    Price  60  cents. 


Lucrezia  Mirano;  or,  The  Conn- 
toss  ;iud  the  Pa<je.  Complete  in  oa« 
large  volume.  Price  50  cents. 

Ciprina;  or,  The  Secrets  of 
a  Picture  Gallery.  CompleU 
in  one  large  volume.  Price  50  cents. 

The  Necromancer.  A  Romane* 
of  the  Times  of  Henry  the  Eighth, 
Two  volumes.  Price  One  Dollar. 

Robert  Bruce  :  the  Hero  King 
of  Scotland,  with  his  Portia. t. 

One  volume.     Price  Fifty  cents. 
Isabella    Vincent;   or,  The  Tvrv 

Orphans.     One  volume,  paper  cover. 
Price  50  cents. 

Vivian  Bertram;  or,  A  Wife'* 
Honor.  A  Sequel  to  "  Isabella  Vin 
cent."  One  vol.,  paper  cover.  60cent8. 

The     Countess    of    Lascelleg. 

The    Continuation    to    "Vivian   Ber 
tram."  One  vol.,  paper  cover.  60  cents. 

Duke  of  Marchmont.  Being  the 
Conclusion  of  "The  Countess  of  Las- 
celles."  One  vol.,  paper  cover.  50  eta. 

Gipsy  Chief.  Beautifully  Illustrated. 
Complete  in  one  large  octavo  volume. 
Price  Fifty  cents. 

Pickwick  Abroad.  A  Companion 
to  the  "Pickwick  Papers"  by  "Boz." 
One  volume.  Price  Fifty  cents. 

Queen  Joanna,';  or,  the  Mys 
teries  of  the  Court  of 
Naples.  Illustrated.  50  cents. 

The  Soldier's  Wife.  Beautifully 
Illustrated.  Complete  in  one  volume. 
Price  Fifty  cents. 

May  Middleton;  or,  The  History  ol 
a  Fortune.  Complete  in  one  volume 
Price  Fifty  cents. 

Massacre  of  Glencoe.  Beautifnl- 
ly  Illustrated.  Complete  in  one  vol 
ume.  Price  Fifty  cents. 

The  Loves  of  the  Harem* 
Price  50  cents. 

Ellen  Percy ;  or,  The  Memoirs  of 
an  Actress.  Price  50  cents. 

Agnes  Evelyn;  or,  Beauty  &ni 
Pleasure.  Price  50  cents. 

The  Parricide.  Beautifully  Ilia* 
trated.  Price  50  cents. 

Life  in  Paris.  Handsomely  Illxw 
trated.  Price  50  cents. 

Edgar  Montrose.  One  voinm*. 
Price  25  cents. 

BEST    WORKS. 

Adelaide    Waldgrave ;    or,  Th« 

Trials  of  a  Governess.     Complete  in 
»ne  large  volume.    Price  X  cent* 


12    T,  B.  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS'  PUBLICATIONS 


AINSWORTH'S 
Life  of  Jack  Slieppard,  the  most 
noted  burglar,  robber,  and  jail  breaker 
that  ever  lived.     Illustrated     50  cents. 
The  Tower  of    London.     With 
over  One  Hundred   splendid  Engrav 
ings.     Two  volumes.     Price  $1.00. 

The  Miser's  Daughter.  Com 
plete  in  two  large  vols.  Price  $1.00. 

Pictorial  Life  &•  Adventures 
of  Guy  Fawkes.  Bloody  Tower, 
etc.  Illustrated.  Price  50  cents 

The  Pictorial  Old  St.  Paul's. 
A  Tale  of  the  Plague  and  the  Fire. 
Illustrated.  Price  50  cents. 

The   Star  Chamber.    Illustrated. 

Price  50  cents. 
Mysteiies     of   the     Court,    of 

Queen  Anne.     Price  50  cents. 
Mysteries    of    the    Court     of 

the  Stuarts.     Price  50  cents. 
Windsor     Castle.      One  volume. 

Price  50  cents. 

T. 


BEST    WORKS. 

The  Pictorial  Newgate  Cal* 
endar  ;  or.  The  Chronicles  of  Crlrn*. 
Beautifully  Illustrated.  50  cents. 

Life  of  Henry  Thomas,  th« 
Western  Burglar  and  Murderer.  Full 
of  Plates.  One  volume.  Price  25  cents. 

Pictorial  Life  «fc  Adventures 
of  Dick  Turpin,  tbe  Burglar, 
Murderer,  etc.  One  vol.  Price  25  cents. 

Life  and  Adventures  of  th« 
Desperadoes  of  the  Nevr 
World.  Illustrated.  1vol.  25  c.»uta. 

Life    of    Ninon   De    L'Enclo» 

With  her  Letters  on  Love,  Courtship 
&  Marriage.  Illustrated.  1vol.  25ct8. 

Pictorial  Life  and  Adven 
tures  of  Davy  Crockett. 
One  volume.  Price  50  cents. 

Grace  O'Malley— Her  Life  & 
Adventures.  Price  3S  cents. 

Life  «fc  Adventures  of  Arthur 
Spring.  Price  25  cents. 


S.    ARTHUR'S    BEST    WORKS. 

Price  Twenty-Five  Cents  each. 
The  Lady  at  Home. 
Year  after  Marriage. 
Cecilia   Howard. 
Orphan  Children. 
Love  in  High  Life. 
Debtor's    Daughter. 
Love  in  a  Cottage. 
Mary  Moreton. 


The   Divorced   Wife. 

GREEN'S    \VORKS 

Gambling  Exposed;  a  full  Ex 
position  of  all  the  various  Arts,  Mys 
teries,  and  Miseries  of  Gambling.  By 
J.  H.  Green,  the  Reformed  Gambler. 
Complete  in  two  volumes,  paper  cover, 
Price  One  Dollar  ;  or  one  volume,  cloth, 
gilt,  $1.25. 

The  Reformed  Gambler ;  or, 
The  Autobiography  of  the  Reformed 
Gambler,  J.  H.  Green.  Written  by 
Himself.  Complete  in  two  volumes, 
paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar  ;  or  in 
one  vol.  cloth,  gilt,  for  $1.25.  (In 
Press.} 


The  Two  Brides. 
Agnes,  or  Possessed. 
Liicy  Sandford. 
The  Banker's  Wife. 
The    Two  Merchants. 
Insubordination. 
Trial  and  Triumph. 
The  Iron  Rule. 
Pride   and  Prudence* 


ON    GAMBLING. 

The  Gambler's  Life  ;  or,  The  A» 

tobiography  of  the  Life,  Adventure, 
and  Personal  Experience  of  Jonathan 
H.  Green.  Written  by  Himself.  Witii 
a  Steel  Portrait  of  tbe  Author,  and 
other  Illustrative  Engravings.  Two 
vols.,  paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollai  , 
or  one  volume,  cloth,  gilt,  $1.25. 
Secret  Band  of  Brothers.  Com 
piled  by  J.  H.  Green.  Beautifully  Illus 
trated  from  original  designs,  by  Parley 
And  Croomt.  Two  volumes 
cover.  Price  One  Dollar  ;  or  in  one  r.. 
cloth,  gilt,  for  $1.25.  (In  Frees.) 


*B 


LIEBIG'S    WORKS    ON    CHEMISTRY. 


icultural  Chemistry.  Com 
plete  in  one  volume.     Price  25  cents. 
Animal    Chemistry.       Complete 
In  one  volume.     Price  25  cents. 


Letters  on  Chemistry* 
The  Potato  Disease. 
Chemistry  and    Physics  IB  re 


lation  to  Physiology  and  Pathology. 
The  above  Five  works  of  Professor  Liebig  are  also   published  complete  in  one 
urge  octavo  volume,  bound.     Price  -$1.50.     The  three  last  works  are  only  puliis-had 
In  the  bound  volume 


T.  B,  PETERSON  &  BROTHERS'  PUBLICATIONS     13 


"WORKS    BY    THE 

The  Q,unker  Soldier;  or,  The 
British  in  Philadelphia.  By 

a  noted  Judge  Two  vols. ,  paper  cover. 
Price  One  Dollar ;  or  in  one  vol.,  cloth, 
for  $1.25 

Currer  Lyle ;  or,  The  Auto 
biography  of  Louise  Heed- 

er.  Written  by  Herself,  and  contain 
ing  her  Portrait  on  Steel.  Two  vols., 
paper  cover.  Price  One  Dollar;  or 
bound  iu  one  volume  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

Life  and  Beauties  of  Fanny 
Fern.  Complete  in  two  volumes, 
paper  cover,  price  $1.00;  or  bound  in 
one  volume,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

Corinne  ;  or,  Italy.  By  Madame 
De  Stael.  Translated  expressly  for  this 
edition.  The  poetical  passages  by 
L.  E.  L.  Two  vols.,  complete  in  one. 
Price  Fifty  cents. 

The  Roman  Traitor.  By  H.  W. 
Herbert.  Two  vols.,  paper  cover. 
Price  $1.00  ;  or  one  vol.,  cloth,  $1.25. 

Flirtations  in  America;  or, 
High  Life  in  New  York.  Complete  in 
one  volume.  Price  50  cents. 

The  Pride  of  Life.  By  author  of 
"Henpecked  Husband."  2  vols.,  pa 
per  cover.  Price  $1.00  ;  or  bound  in 
one  volume,  cloth,  for  $1.25. 

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THE    ROMAN    TEAITOE; 

OR,    THE    DATS    OF 

CICERO,  CATO  AND  CATALINE. 
BY  HENRY  WILLIAM  HERBEKT, 

AUTHOR  OF   "CROMWELL,"    "THE  BROTHERS/'   ETC. 

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READ  THE  FOLLOWING  OPINIONS  OF  THE  PRESS  ABOUT  IT. 

From  the  Philadelphia  Evening  Bulletin,  of  September  3rd  1853 

"  Since  the  publication  of  'The  Last  Days  of  Pompeii,'  no  fiction  of  classic  times  hj»» 
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enchain  the  attention  of  the  reader.  Thoroughly  conversant  with  the  age  of  which  he 
writes,  practised  as  a  moralist,  and  enthusiastic  in  his  subject,  our  author  has,  in  this 
work,  executed  his  master-piece,  and  may  well  challenge  for  it  intelligent  criticism,  as 
well  as  popular  applause.  The  character  of  Cataline,  the  hero  of  the  volume,  in  the 
sense  at  least  in  which  '  Balftmr  of  Burley '  is  the  hero  of '  Old  Mortality,'  is  boldly  and 
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which  more  Catholic  historians  have  used.  There  are  so  few  books  in  the  language 
which  the  scholar  and  ordinary  reader  can  alike  peruse  with  pleasure,  that  Mr.  Herbert 
may  fairly  consider  himself  entitled  to  the  very  highest  praise  for  his  successful  pro 
duction,  in  '  The  Roman  Traitor,'  of  such  a  work.  The  publisher  has  issued  the  novel  in 
a  handsome  style,  bound  in  embossed  cloth,  so  pleasant  to  all  who  love  pleasant  books." 

Fran  the  Baltimore.  Republican  and  Argus,  'of  Sept.  2d,  1853. 

"  This  is  the  title  of  a  new  and  powerfully  written  story  from  the  pen  of  H.  W.  Her 
bert,  which  of  itself  would  place  the  author  among  the  first  writers  of  the  day.  Mr. 
Herbert  is  already  well  known  as  an  author  of  no  common  merit,  and  this  work 
must  give  him  a  permanent  place  in  the  front  rank  of  the  literary  men  of  the  agn. 
It  ij  a  book  which  may  be  placed  in  the  library  of  every  man,  and  will  be  often  referred 
to  with  pleasure.  The  book  has  been  published  by  T.  B.  Peterson,  and  is  put  up  in  a 
style  suited  to  the  character  of  the  work,  and  is  altogether  an  interesting  and  handsome 
volume." 

From  the  Philadelphia  Dollar  Newspaper,  of  Sept.  1th,  1853 

"  This  is  a  work  calculated  to  excite  a  lively  interest  in  literary  circles.  Roman  his 
tory  ever  has  a  charm  for  the  youthful  inquirer  after  bnnwlpdg'fi.  and  h~  knepinir 
historical  facts  steadily  in  view,  the  garb  of  fiction,  without  material  aetrimenu,  * .'"" 
greatly  add  to  the  number  of  readers.  In  the  story  which  the  author  has  woven  round 
the  principal  incidents  in  the  life  and  history  of  Cataline,  he  claims  to  have  adhered 
scrupulously  to  dates,  facts,  and  the  historical  characters  of  the  individuals  introduced. 
The  great  aim  of  the  author  is  to  popularize  the  incidents  of  Roman  history,  and  l:.y 
avoiding  the  cwnmon  errors  of  writers  in  the  same  field,  who  have  preceded  him,  of 
appearing  learned,  to  bring  his  matter  down  to  the  comprehension  of  the  mass  of  tl.f 
reading  public.  He  has  aimed  less  at  portraying  Greeks  and  Romans,  than  at  depicting 
men — assuming  that  in  all  ages  'the  human  heart  is  still  the  human  heart,  convulsed 
by  the  same  passions,  chilled  by  the  same  griefs,  burning  with  the  same  joys,  and,  in 
the  main,  actuated  by  the  same  hopes  and  fears.' " 

Price  for  the  complete  work,  in  two  volumes,  in  paper  cover.  One  Dollar  rnly  ,  or  a 
finer  edition,  printed  on  thicker  and  better  paper,  and  handsomely  bound  in  one  velum*:, 
muslin,  gilt,  is  published  for  One  Dollar  ami  Twenty-five  Cents. 

C"p"s  of  either  edition  of  the  work  will  be  sent  to  any  person  at  all,  to  any  jmrt  of 
the  Ijnitfd  States,  free  of  postage,  on  their  remitting  the  price  of  the  edition  they  wish, 
k>  the  publisher,  in  a  letter,  potft-puid.  Published  and  for  sale  by 

T.  B.  P.,     TCRSON, 
17  N-.u   1O£  Chestnut   Street,  Philade 


THE  DESERTED  WIFE. 

BY  MRS.  EMMA  D.  E.  N,  SOUTHWORTH, 

AUTHOR  OP  "THE  LOST  HEIRESS,"  "THE  CURSE  or  CLIFTON,"  "THE  MOTHRR- 
IN-LAW/'  "VIRGINIA  AND  MAGDALENE,"  "DISCARDED  DAUGHTER," 

"  SHANNONDALE,"   ETC.,    ETC.,    ETC. 

Complete  in  one  large  volume.    Price  Fifty  Cents. 

READ  THE  FOLLOWING  OPINIONS  OF  THE  PRESS. 

"Mrs.  Southworth  is  a  writer  of  remarkable  genius  and  originality  t  jiani- 
festing  wonderful  power  in  the  vivid  depicting  of  character,  and  in  her  glow 
ing  descriptions  of  scenery.  Hagar,  the  heroine  of  the  'Deserted  Wife,'  is  a 
magnificent  being;  while  Raymond,  Gusty,  and  Mr.  Withers,  are  not  merely 
names,  but  existences ; — they  live  and  move  before  us,  each  acting  in  accord 
ance  with  his  peculiar  nature." — Philadelphia  Saturday  Evening  Pott. 

" ' The  Deserted  Wife,'  is  quite  equal  to  either  of  the  popular  works  which  have 
obtained  for  this  lady  from  critical  authority  the  credit  of  being  a  'writer  of 
remarkable  genius  and  originality.'  There  is  no  lady  writer  in  the  country, 
•who,  in  the  exercise  of  a  salutary  influence  on  domestic  character,  has  written 
BO  much  and  so  well,  or  who  is  so  richly  deserving  the  admiration  of  the  general 
reader.  The  complete  works  of  Mrs.  Southworth,  which  the  enterprise  of  Mr. 
Peterson  is  now  sending  out  in  a  neat  and  cheap  style,  will,  we  doubt  not,  be 
sought  after  with  avidity." — Philadelphia  Saturday  Courier. 

"  It  is  one  of  the  most  charming  works  we  have  read  for  years.  The  scenes 
are  located  in  Maryland  and  Virginia.  This  work  should  be  read  by  all  young 
ladies  and  young  men  ;  and  if  its  teachings  should  be  followed,  we  should  have 
in  our  courts  fewer  divorce  cases,  and  in  married  life  less  unhappiness.  The 
characters  in  this  work  are  all  original.  Mr.  Withers  is  strikingly  original, 
and  Hagar,  the  heroine  of  the  work,  is  both  original  and  magnificent.  We 
have  read  the  story  with  great  satisfaction." — Sunday  News,  Boston,  Mass. 

"It  is  a  novel  of  unusual  power  and  of  thrilling  interest.  The  scene  is  laid 
in  one  of  the  Southern  States,  and  the  story  gives  a  picture  of  manners  and 
customs  among  the  planting  gentry,  in  an  ago  not  far  removed  backward  from 
the  present.  The  characters  are  drawn  with  a  strong  hand.  The  purpose  of 
the  author  professedly  is  to  teach  the  lesson,  '  that  the  fundamental  causes  of 
unhappiness  in  a  married  life,  are  a  defective  moral  and  physical  education — 
and  a  premature  contraction  of  the  matrimonial  engagement." — Troy  Whig. 

" '  The  Deserted  Wife,'  is  a  work  of  unusual  power  and  thrilling  interest* 
We  can  cordially  recommend  this  work  to  our  lady  readers,  as  worthy  of 
perusal." — Cincinnati  Daily  Times. 

Copies  of  the  above  work  will  be  sent  to  any  person  at  all,  to  any  part  of  th* 
United  States,  free  of  postage,  on  their  remitting  Fifty  Cents  to  the  publisher 
in  a  letter,  post-paid ;  or  two  copies  will  bo  sent  for  One  Dollar. 

Published  and  for  sale  by  T.  B.  PETERSON, 

No.  1O2  Chestnut  St.,  Philadelphia. 

T.  B.  Peterson  also  publishes  a  complete  edition  of  Mrs.  Southworth's  octavo 
works:  containing  "The  Deserted  Wife,"  "The  Mother-in-Law,"  "Shannon- 
d&le,"  and  "  Virginia  and  Magdalene,"  neatly  bound  in  one  volume,  cloth. 
Price  Two  Dollars.  "  Curse  of  Clifton,"  and  "  The  Discarded  Daughter,"  are 
each  published  separately,  in  two  volume?,  paper  cover,  price  One  Dollar;  or 
bound  in  one  volume,  ci.ith,  ^ii;,  l\,r  One.  I>oll;tr  and  Twenty-five  Cents  each. 


THE    FORGED    WILL. 

BY   EMERSON   BENNETT, 

AUTHOR  OF  "  CLARA  MORELAND,"  "VIOLA."  "PIONEER'S  DAUGHTER,"  ETC 


TUTS  CELEBRATED  AND  BEAUTIFUL  WORK  is  published  complete  tn  one  largi 
Volume,  of  over  300  pages,  paper  cover,  price  FIFTY  CENTS  ;  or  the  work  is  handsomely 
fecund  in  one  volume,  cloth,  gilt,  price  ONE  DOLLAR. 

ONE  HUNDRED  THOUSAND  COPIES  OF  THE  FORGED  WILL!  will  be  sold  la 
a  short  thne,  and  it  will  have  a  run  and  popularity  second  only  to  Uncle  Tern's  Cabin. 
The  Press  everywhere  are  unanimous  in  its  praise,  as  being  one  '•f  the  most  powerfully 
written  works  iu  the  language. 

TI1K  FORGED  WILL  is  truly  a  celebrated  work  It  has  been  running  through 
the  columns  of  the  Philadelphia  Dollar  Newspaper,  where  it  has  been  appearing  for  ten 
weeks,  and  has  proved  itself  to  be  one  of  the  most  popular  nouvelettes  that  has  ever 
appeared  in  the  columns  of  any  newspaper  in  this  country.  Before  the  fourth  paper  ap 
peared,  the  back  numbers,  (although  several  thousand  extra  of  the  three  former  numbers 
were  printed,)  could  not  be  obtained  at  any  price,  and  the  publishers  of  the  paper 
were  forced  to  issue  a  Supplement  sheet  of  the  first  three  papers  of  it,  for  new  subscribers 
to  their  paper,  which  induced  the  publisher  to  make  an  arrangement  with  the  popular 
author  to  bring  it  out  in  a  beautiful  style  for  the  thousands  that  wish  it  in  book  form. 

If  Emerson  Bennett  had  never  written  his  many  delightful  and  thrilling  stories  of 
border  life,  of  prairie  scenes,  and  Indian  warfare,  this  new  story  of  the  '  FORGED  WILL* 
vould  have  placed  his  name  on  the  record  as  one  of  the  best  of  American  novelists.  The 
scenes,  principally,  of  this  most  captivating  novel,  are  laid  in  the  city  of  New  York;  and 
most  glowingly  the  author  pictures  to  us  how  the  guilty  may,  for  a  time,  escape  the 
justice  of  the  law,  but  only  to  feel  the  heavy  hand  of  retribution  sooner  or  later ;  how 
rice  may,  for  a  time,  triumph  over  virtue,  but  only  for  a  time ;  how  crime  may  lie  con« 
eealed,  until  its  very  security  breeds  exposure ;  how  true  virtue  gives  way  to  no  temp* 
tation,  but  bears  the  ills  of  life  with  patience,  hoping  for  a  better  day,  and  rejoices 
triumphant  in  the  end.  In  short,  from  base  hypocrisy  he  tears  the  veil  that  hides  its 
huge  deformity,  and  gives  a  true  picture  of  life  as  it  exists  in  the  crowded  city.  We  do 
cordially  recommend  this  book  for  its  excellent  moral.  It  is  one  that  should  be  circulated, 
for  it  must  do  good. 

Price  for  the  complete  work,  in  one  volume,  in  paper  cover,  Fifty  Cents  only ;  or  ft 
finer  edition,  printed  on  thicker  and  better  paper,  and  handsomely  bound  in  one  volume, 
muelin,  gilt,  is  published  for  One  Dollar. 

T.  B.  PETERSON  also  publishes  the  following  works  by  Emerson  Bennett,  either  or 
all  of  which  will  be  sent  by  mail,  free  of  postage,  to  any  one,  on  receipt  of  the  prices 
annexed  to  them.  All  should  send  for  one  or  more  of  them  at  once.  No  one  will  ever 
regret  the  money  sent. 

CLARA  MOREL AND ;  or,  Adventures  in  the  Far  South-West  By  Emerson 
Bennett,  author  of  tht  "  The  Forged  Will,"  "  Viola,"  etc.  This  has  proved  to  be  one 
of  the  most  popular  and  powerful  nouvelettes  ever  written  in  America,  336  pages.  Prio* 
Fifty  Cents  in  paper  covers,  or  ONE  DOLLAR  in  cloth,  gilt. 

THE  PIONEER'S  DAUGHTER.  By  Emerson  Bennett,  author  of  "Clara 
Moreland,"  <;  Forged  Will,"  etc.  Price  50  cents. 

WALDE-W ARREN,  a  Tale  01  Circumstantial  Evidence.  By  Emerson  Be» 
»ett.  author  of  '-  Viola,"  "  Pioneer's  Daughter,"  etc.  Price  25  cents. 

"VIOL. A  ?  or,  Adventures  in  the  Far  South-West.  Jy  Emerson  Bennett,  author  of 
•  The  Pioneer's  Daughter,"  "  Walde-Warren,"  etc.  Price  50  cents. 

Copies  of  either  edition  of  the  above  works  will  be  sent  to  any  person  at  all,  to  any 
fart  of  the  United  States,  free  oi  postage,  on  their  remitting  the  price  of  the  edition  they 
•rub*  to  the  publisher,  in  a  letter,  post  paid.  Published  and  for  Sale  bv 

T.  B.  PETERSON, 

No.  103  Chestnut  Street.  Philadelphia 


PETERSON'S  MAGAZINE 

THE  BEST  AND  CHEAPEST  IN  THE  WORLD  FOR  LADIES. 

This  popular  monthly  will  be  greatly  improved  for  1  860.  It  has  a  circulation  of  nearly 
100.000:  or  ttn  tim>s  as  much  as  any  other  two  dtJlar  Magazine..  It  contains  nearly 
1000  pages  of  double  column  reading  matter  yearly:  from  25  to  30  St<-el  Plates  and 
about  800  Wood  Engravings:  pr-  partianattly  mare  than  any  pfriodicaL,  at  any  price, 
gives.  The  newspapers,  very  generally,  pronounce  it  superior  in  many  respects,  to  the 
three  dollar  Magazines.  Subscribe  for  it,  and 

SAVE  A  DOLLAR. 

The  gtories  in  "  Peterson"  are  conceded  to  be  the  best  pit-Wished  anywhere.  The 
editors  are  Mrs.  Ann  S.  Stephens,  author  of  ••  Mary  Derwent,'*  ••  Fashion  and  Famine:"' 
and  Charles  J.  Peterson,  author  of  ''The  Old  Stone  Mansion."  '-Kate  Aylesford.'T  -The 
Valley  Farm,"  etc..  etc  ;  and  they  are  assisted  by  Alice  Carey,  by  Frank  Lee  Benedict, 
by  the  author  of  "  Susy  L.'s  Diary,"  by  T.  S.  Arthur.  E.  L.  Chunk*  Moulton,  Mehita- 
ble  Holyoke,  Virginia  F.  Townsend,  Carry  Stanley.  Caroline  E  Fair  field.  Ell^-n  Ash  ton, 
Hostile  Grey,  E  Dewees,  A.  L.  Otis,  and  all  the  most  popular  female  writers  of  America, 
In  addition  to  the  usual  quantity  of  stories,  there  will  be  given  in  I860,  several 

THRILLING    COPY-RIGHT    NOVELETS 

Equal  in  merit,  at  least,  to  those  for  which  this  Magazine  has  already  attained  such 
celebrity,  and  superior  to  those  to  be  found  anywhere  else.  Morality  and  Virtue  are 
always  inculcated.  Clergymen  recommend  this  "Magazine  particularly  for  families  in 
which  there  are  daughters.  Its  pictorial  embellishments  are  unrivalkd.  Its 

SUPERB  MEZZOTINTS  &  OTHEB  STEEL   ENGRAVINGS 
Excel  those  in  any  other  Magazine,  and  one  at  least  is  given  in  every  number.    Its 

COLORED  FASHION  PLATES  IN  ADVANCE* 

13  THE  0>"LT   JIAGAZIXE   WHOSE   FASHION"   PLATES   CAN'   KE   RELIED  OX.%jJ 


Each  number  contains  a  Fashion  Plate,  engraved  on  steel,  and  colored  :  also,  a  dozen 
or  more  New  Styles,  engraved  on  wood:  als  j.  a  Patu-rn.  from  which  a  Dress,  Mantilla, 
or  Child's  Costume  can  be  cut,  without  the  aid  of  a  mantua-maker  —  so  that  each  Numl-er, 
in  this  way.  will  SAVE  A  YEAR'S  SUBSCRIPTION.  The  Paris,  London,  Philadelphia 
and  New  York  Fashions  are  descrU>ed  at  length,  each  month.  Engravings  of  new  ityles 
of  Caps,  Bonnets,  Head  Dresses,  Mantillas.  Cloaks,  Capes,  Under-Garmentt,  Ac.,  <tc., 
given  in  great  profusion  in  every  number. 

COLORED  PATTERNS  IN  EMBROIDERY. 

The  Work  Table  department  of  this  Magazine  IS  WHOLLY  UNRIVALLED.  Every 
Number  contains  a  dozen  or  more  patterns  in  every  variety  of  Fancy  work  ;  Crochet, 
Embroidery.  Knitting.  Bead-work.  Shell-work,  Hair-work,  Wax  Flowers,  Stained  Glass, 
Leather-work.  Painting.  Photographs,  tcn  ic.,  with  full  dts-jriplvmi.  Every  Number 
containsa  SUPERB  COLORED  PATTERN  FOR  A  SLIPPER,  PURSE.  CHAIR 
SE  AT,  or  some  other  useful,  or  ornamental  article,  and  each  of  these  would  cost  at  a 
retail  store,  Fifty  cents;  these  can  be  had  in  no  other  American  Magazine. 


o  ~R  i  a-  1  INT  A.  T_,   COOK-IBOOIK:- 

Will  also  be  given  in  1860.  In  addition,  other  receipts  for  the  kitchen,  for  housekeeping 
in  general,  for  invalids,  for  making  cosmetics.  <tc  ,  Ac.,  will  be  given  in  every  Number. 
4»-A  PIECE  OF  NEW  AND  FASHIONABLE  MUSIC  WILL  APPEAR 
EACH  MONTH.  Also,  hints  for  the  Toilette,  Etiquette,  and  all  matters  interesting 
toLadie*.  TRY  IT  FOR  ONE  YEAR! 


TERMS  —  ALWAYS    IN     ADVANCE: 


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Three  Copies  for  One  Year,  5.00 
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Eight  Copies,  One  Year,  $10.00 
Twelve  Copies,  One  Year,  15.00 
Sixteen  Copies,  One  Year,  20.00 


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Club  of  Five,  and  remitting  Seven  Dollars  and  a-half:  or  a  Club  of  Kight  and  ivmit- 
ting  Ten  Dollars:  we  will  send:  gratis,  onr  two  splendid  MEZZOTINTS  uf  NIAGAKA. 
n  getting  up  a  Club  of  Twelve,  and  remitting  Fifteen  Dollars  we  will  send 
either  au  extra  copy  of  the  Magazine  for  1-60,  or  the  two  splendid  Mezzotints  of  Niagara, 
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ting  Twenty  Dollars,  we  will  send  the  two  splendid  Mezzotints  of  Niagara,  and  also  an 
extra  copy  for  lS6o.  The  Mezzotints  are  each  12  inches  by  25. 

Address,  post  paid,  CHARLES  J.  PETERSON, 

306  Chestnut  Street,  Philadelphia. 
J»-A11  Portmaiten  constituted  Agent*.    A  Specimen  sent  when  desired. 


A  NEW  COOK  BOOK,  BY  MISS  LESLIE,  FOR  THE  MILLION. 
MISS    LESLIE'S 

"NEW  RECEIPTS  FOR  COOKING." 

BEAD  WHAT  THE  EDITORS  OF  NEWSPATERS  SAY  OF  IT. 

"  This  is  a  large,  well-bound  volume  of  over  five  hundred  pages,  and  includes  in  it 
over  one  thousand  receipts  never  before  published  in  any  of  Miss  Leslie's  other  works, 
accompanied  by  a  well-arranged  index,  by  which  any  desired  receipt  may  be  turned  to 
at  once.  The  receipts  are  for  cooking  all  kinds  of  meats,  poultry,  game,  pies,  <fec.,  with 
directions  for  confectionery,  ices  and  preserves.  It  is  entirely  different  from  any  former 
work  by  Miss  Leslie,  and  contains  new  and  fresh  accessions  of  useful  knowledge.  The 
merit  of  these  receipts  is,  that  they  have  all  been  tried,  and  therefore  can  be  recom 
mended  conscientiously.  Miss  Leslie  ban  acquired  great  reputation  among  housekeepers 
for  the  excellence  of  her  works  on  cookery,  and  this  volume  will  doubtless  enhance  it. 
It  is  the  best  book  on  cookery  that  we  know  of,  and  while  it  will  be  useful  to  matrons, 
to  young  housewives  we  should  think  it  quite  indispensable.  By  the  aid  of  this  book, 
the  young  and  inexperienced  are  brought  nearly  on  a  footing  with  those  who  have  seen 
service  in  the  culinary  department,  and  by  having  it  at  hand  are  rendered  tolerably- 
independent  of  7<dp,  which  sometimes  becomes  very  refractory.  The  best  regulated 
families  are  sometimes  taken  a  little  by  surprise  by  the  untimely  stepping  in  of  a  friend 
to  dinner — to  such  Miss  Leslie  is  the  friend  indeed,  ready  as  her  book  is  with  instructions 
for  the  hasty  production  of  various  substitutes  for  meals  requiring  timely  and  elaborate 
preparation.  The  book  is  not,  however,  wholly  confined  to  receipts  in  cooking.  A  fair 
proportion  of  the  volume  is  devoted  to  useful  information  on  all  subjects  whatever  con 
nected  with  general  housewifery :  the  preservation  of  health,  and  the  cleansing  and 
keeping  of  articles  of  wearing  apparel." — Philadelphia  Dollar  Newspaper,  April  26, 1854. 

"Miss  LESLIE'S  NEW  RECEIPTS  FOR  COOKING  all  kinds  of  meats,  poultry,  game,  pies,  &c., 
with  directions  for  confectionery,  ices  and  preserves,  has  been  published  by  T.  B.  Peter- 
eon.  It  is  entirely  different  from  any  former  work  by  Miss  Leslie,  and  contains  new 
and  fresh  accessions  of  useful  knowledge.  The  merit  of  these  receipts  is  that  they  have 
all  been  tried,  and  therefore  can  be  recommended  conscientiously.  Miss  Leslie  has  ac 
quired  great  reputation  among  housekeepers  for  the  excellence  of  her  works  on  cookery, 
and  this  volume  will  doubtless  enhance  it.  It  is  the  best  book  on  cookery  that  w« 
know  of."— Philadelphia  Public  Ledger,  April  21, 1854. 

"  We  do  not  claim  to  be  deeply  versed  in  the  art  of  cookery ;  but  a  lady,  skilled  in  tho 
art,  to  whom  we  have  submitted  this  work,  assures  us  that  there  is  nothing  like  it 
within  the  circle  of  her  knowledge ;  and  that  having  this,  a  housekeeper  would  need  no 
other  written  guide  to  the  mysteries  of  housekeeping.  It  contains  over  1,000  new  re 
ceipts,  which  the  author  has  fully  tried  and  tested ;  and  they  relate  to  almost  every 
conceivable  dish — flesh,  fish  und  fowl,  soups,  sauces,  and  sweetmeats ;  puddings,  pies 
and  pickles;  cakes  and  confectionery.  There  are,  too,  lists  of  articles  suitable  to  go 
together  for  breakfasts,  dinners  and  suppers,  at  different  seasons  of  the  year,  for  plain 


family  meals,  and  elaborate  company  preparations;  which  must  be  of  great  convenience. 
Then  there  are  directions  pertaining  to  the  manufacture  and  care  of  household  articles, 
embracing  laundry  work,  needle  work,  care  of  furniture,  furs,  woolens,  manufacture  of 
various  articles  of  use  about  a  house,  or  in  traveling,  directions  for  preparing  for  a 
journey,  a  sea- voyage,  Ac.,  &c.  Indeed,  there  appears  to  be,  as  our  lady  friend  remarked, 
everything  in  this  book  that  a  housekeeper  need  to  know ;  and  having  this  book  she 
would  seem  to  need  no  other  to  afford  her  instruction  about  housekeeping." — Boston 
Evening  Traveler,  April  25,  1854. 

"  This  handsome  volume  contains  ample  and  important  instructions  for  those  wh» 
would  understand  the  culinary  art — an  art  practised,  or  abused,  every  day,  in  every 
household.  It  is  a  sequel  to  Miss  Leslie's  old  book,  called  "  Directions  for  Cookery,"  and 
comprises  a  very  large  number  of  receipts,  many  of  them  from  ladies  at  the  South, 
and  others  from  France,  furnishing  specific  directions  for  the  preparation  of  every  good 
thing  for  an  elegant  table,  and  also  for  all  such  articles  as  are  required  in  families  that 
live  well,  but  moderately."—  Christian  Observer,  April  29, 1854. 

A  copy  of  this  new,  popular  and  celebrated  Cook  Book,  entitled  "  MISS  LESLIE'S 
NEW  RECEIPTS  FOR  COOKING,"  will  be  Bent  to  any  person  at  all,  by  return  of  mail, 
free  of  postage,  on  their  remitting  One  Dollar  to  the  publisher,  in  a  letter,  post-paid. 
Published  and  for  «ale  by  T.   B.  PETERSON, 

No.  103  Clieatnut  Street,  Philadelphia. 

4S~  Orders  from  Booksellers,  News  Agents,  Peddlers,  Canvassers,  and  all  others,  will 
b«  thankfully  received,  and  they  will  please  send  their  orderi  at  once,  and  they  will  b» 
filled  with  promptness  and  dispatch. 


THE  LOST  HEIRESS, 

BY  MRS.  EMMA  D.  E.  N.  SOUTHWORTH. 

AtTTHOB   OF    "  THE  DESERTED  WIFE,"     "  DISCARDED  DAUGHTER,"    "  VIRGINIA  AND 
MAGDALENE,"    "  CURSE    OP    CLIFTON,"    "  SHANNONDALE," 

"THE  MOTHER-IN-LAW,"  ETC.,  ETC.,  ETC. 

Complete  in  two  volumes,  paper  cover,  Price  One  Dollar)  or 
bound  in  cloth,  for  One  Dollar  and  Twenty-five  Cents. 

BEAD  THE  FOLLOWING  OPINIONS  OF  THE  PEESS. 

"TLe  excellencies  of  the  'Lost  Heiress'  are  many  and  great.  We  regard  it 
us  one  of,  if  not  the  best,  on  the  whole,  of  Mrs.  Southworth's  productions.  For 
the  brilliancy  and  point  of  her  conversations,  the  ease  and  spirit  of  her  narra 
tive,  the  splendid  and  graphic  character  of  her  descriptions  of  natural  scenery, 
and  the  general  power  and  originality  of  her  conceptions,  she  occupies  a  front 
rank  among  American  writers  of  fiction.  The  moral  is  an  excellent  one — cal 
culated  to  do  good  to  all  its  readers.  The  story  is  intensely  interesting;  and 
while  many  of  those  who  read  it  as  it  appeared  in  the  Post,  doubtless  will  em 
brace  this  opportunity  to  obtain  it  in  a  more  permanent  form,  those  that  have 
not  read  it  may  be  assured  that  it  abounds  in  all  the  excellencies  of  its  author's 
vivid  and  picturesque  genius.  Mrs.  Southworth's  characters  are  not  merely 
names,  but  existences :  they  live  and  move  before  us,  each  acting  in  accord 
ance  with  their  peculiar  nature.  Beautiful  Maud  Hunter ! — shall  we  see  and 
hear  about  you  no  more  ?  Noble  statesman,  devoted  wife,  unselfish  parents, 
blessed  and  glorious  ideals  of  true  manhood  and  true  womanhood — shall  we  no 
more  weekly  dwell  upon  the  story  of  your  beautiful  wedded  lives?  Ah  !  Mrs. 
Southworth,  you  have  touched  for  us  a  deeper  chord  in  this  story,  than  in  any 
other  you  have  written.  Others  may  not  have  felt  like  us — though  we  know 
many  unite  in  these  words  of  praise — but  to  us,  the  moral  nobility  and  beauty 
iaculcated  in  this  last  novelet,  give  it  a  high  rank  among  those  works  of  the 
imagination  whose  effect  is  to  make  their  readers  less  selfish,  more  sacrificing, 
nobler,  better,  and,  in  one  word,  more  truly  Christian.  The  work  contains  a 
beautiful  portrait  of  Mrs.  Southworth ;  with  a  fac-simile  of  her  autograph,  ex 
ecuted  on  steej  as  well  as  a  view  of  Prospect  Cottage,  the  residence  of  the 
authoress,  on  the  Potomac." — Saturday  Evening  Post. 

"  This  celebrated  work,  by  Mrs.  Southworth,  is  her  chef  d'ceuvre,  and  con 
tains  a  beautiful  portrait  of  the  author,  a  fac-simile  of  her  autograph,  and  a 
view  of  the  author's  residence.  Mrs.  S.  is  unquestionably  a  writer  of  great 
genius  and  originality,  and  in  the  '  Lost  Heiress'  has  excelled  all  her  previous 
efforts.  Her  works  have  hosts  of  admirers." — Saturday  Courier. 

Copies  of  the  above  work  will  be  sent  to  any  person  at  all,  to  any  part  of  the 
United  States,  free  of  pottage,  on  their  remitting  the  price  of  the  edition  they 
may  wish,  to  the  publisher,  in  a  letter,  post-paid. 

Published  and  for  sale  by  T.  B.  PETERSON, 

No.  1O2  Chestnut  St.,  Philadelphia. 

T.  B.  Peterson  also  publishes  a  complete  edition  of  Mrs.  Southworth's  octavo 
works  :  containing  "  The  Deserted  Wife,"  "The  Mother-in -Law,"  "  Shannon, 
dale,"  and  "  Virginia  and  Magdalene,"  bound  in  t»ne  volume,  cloth.  Price 
Two  Dollars.  "  Curse  of  Clifton,"  "  The  Lost  Heiress,"  and  "  The  Discarded 
Daughter,"  are  each  published  separately,  in  two  vols.,  paper  cover,  price  On» 
Dollar ;  or  bound  in  one  rol.,  cloth,  for  One  Dollar  and  Twenty  fire  cent*  each* 


VIOLA; 

OR, 

ADVENTURESJNJl^^ 

BY   EMERSON   BENNETT, 

4UTHOR  07  "CLARA  MOKELAND,"  "  FOEOED  WILL,"  "JLATH  CLARENDOX," 
"  BRIDE  OF  THE  WILDERNESS,"  "  WALDE- WARREN,"  "  PIONEER'S  DAUGH 
TER,"  ETC.,  ETC. 

BEAD    THE    FOLLOWING     OPINIONS     OF    THE    PEESS : 

«*  We  have  perused  this  work  with  some  attention,  and  do  not  hesitate  to  pronouns* 
It  one  of  the  very  best  productions  of  the  talented  author.  The  scenes  are  laid  in  Texas, 
and  the  adjoining  frontier.  There  is  not  a  page  that  does  not  glow  with  thrilling  and 
Interesting  incident,  and  will  well  repay  the  reader  for  the  time  occupied  in  perusing  it. 
The  characters  are  most  admirably  drawn,  and  are  perfectly  natural  throughout.  We 
have  derived  so  much  gratification  from  the  perusal  of  this  charming  novel,  that  we  are 
anxious  to  make  our  readers  share  it  with  us;  and,  at  the  same  time,  to  recommend  it 
to  be  read  by  all  persons  who  are  fond  of  romantic  adventures.  Mr.  Bennett  is  a  spi' 
rited  and  vigorous  writer,  and  his  works  deserve  to  be  generally  read;  not  only  becausv 
they  are  well  written,  but  that  they  are,  in  most  part,  taken  from  events  connected 
with  the  history  of  our  own  country,  from  which  much  valuable  information  is  derived, 
and  should,  therefore,  have  a  double  claim  upon  our  preference,  over  those  works  where 
the  incidents  are  gleaned  from  the  romantic  legends  of  old  castles,  and  foreign  climes. 
The  book  is  printed  on  fine  paper,  and  is  in  every  way  got  up  in  a  style  highly  creditable 
to  the  enterprising  publisher." 

"  It  is  a  spirited  tale  of  frontier  life,  of  which  '  Clara  Moreland'  is  the  sequel  and 
conclusion.  Mr.  Bennett  seems  to  delight  in  that  field  of  action  and  adventure,  wh«r* 
Cooper  won  his  laurels ;  and  which  is  perhaps  the  most  captivating  to  the  general  mind 
of  all  the  walks  of  fiction.  There  has  been,  so  far,  we  think,  a  steady  Improvement  in 
bin  style  and  stories;  and  his  popularity,  as  a  necessary  consequence,  has  boon  and  ia  in 
creasing.  One  great  secret  of  the  popularity  of  these  out-door  novels,  as  we  may  call 
them,  is  that  there  is  a  freshness  and  simplicity  of  the  open  air  and  natural  world  about 
them — free  from  the  closeness,  intensity  and  artificiality  of  the  gas-ligb'-ed  world  re 
vealed  in  works  that  treat  of  the  vices  and  dissipations  of  large  cities."— Philadelphia 
Saturday  Evening  Post. 

"  This  is  one  of  the  best  productions  of  Mr.  Bennett.  The  scenes  are  in  and  near 
Texas.  Every  page  glows  with  thrilling  interest,  and  the  characters  are  well  drawn  and 
sustained.  An  interesting  love  plot  runs  through  the  book,  which  gives  a  faithful  re- 
presentation  of  life  in  the  far  South-West.  Mr.  Peterson  has  issued  VIOLA  in  his  usual 
neat  style,  and  it  is  destined  to  have  a  great  run."— Clinton  Tribune. 

•'  We  have  received  the  above  work  and  found  time  to  give  it  an  examination.  The 
§cenes  are  laid  mostly  in  Texas,  and  pictured  with  all  the  vividness  for  which  the  au 
thor  is  so  celebrated.  Those  who  are  particularly  fond  of  wild  and  romantic  adventure* 
may  safely  calculate  upon  finding  '  Viola'  suited  to  their  taste.  It  is  well  written  and 
handsomely  printed." — Daily  Journal,  Chicago,  IU. 

"It  is  a  very  interesting  book.  The  scones  of  this  most  exciting  and  interesting  Ro 
nance  are  found  in  Texas  before  and  during  the  late  Mexican  war.  It  is  written  with 
much  spirit  and  pathos,  and  abounds  in  stirring  incidents  and  adventures,  and  has  an 
interesting  and  romantic  love-plot  interwoven  with  it;  and  is  a  faithful  representation 
of  '  Life  in  the  Far  South- West.'  The  author  of  '  VIOLA,'  will  rank  among  the  most 
popular  of  American  Novelists,  and  aided  by  the  great  energy  and  enterprise  of  his  pub 
lisher,  T.  B.  Peterson,  ia  fast  becoming  a  general  favorite."  —Gazette,  JShintbtck,  JV".  F 

"  This  thrilling  and  interesting  novel — equal  to  anything  the  celebrated  author  evaf 
Wrote — has  been  issued  in  a  fifty  cent  volume;  and  we  would  advise  every  one  who 
wants  to  get  the  value  of  his  money,  to  got  the  book.  Bennett's  works  are  the  most  in- 
torosting  of  any  now  published." — Wr.sttrn  Emporium,  GermanUnvn,  Ohio. 

THIS  BEAUTIFUL  AND  CELEBRATED  WORK  is  published  complete  in  one  largi 
volume  of  near  300  pages,  paper  cover,  price  FIFTY  CENTS;  or  the  work  It  handecmel; 
kound  in  one  volume,  cloth,  gilt,  price  SEVENTY-FIVE  CENTS. 

Copies  of  either  «niition  of  the  above  work  will  b«  sent  to  any  person  at  all,  to  anj 
part  of  the  United  States,  free  of  postage,  on  their  remitting  the  price  of  the  edition  tb«j 
wish,  to  the  publisher,  in  a  letter,  postpaid.  Published  and  for  riale  by 

T.  B.  PKTKRSOSi, 
No.   10£  Chestnut   Street,  Phil***;:*,;-.:*. 


the  Notices  of  the  Press  below. 


BY   EMERSON    BENNETT. 

Price  Fifty  Cents  in  Paper  Cover ;  or,  One  Dollar  in  Cloth,  Gilt. 


BEAD  THE  FOLLOWING  OPINIONS  OF  THE  PEESS. 

*  rhls  is  decidedly  the  best  novel  Mr.  Bennett  has  written.  He  tells  his  story  well, 
Mid  while  leading  the  reader  over  the  prairies  of  Texas  into  the  haunts  of  the  wilt* 
Indians,  or  among  the  equally  savage  bands  of  lawless  men,  that  once  were  the  terroj 
of  that  country;  he  presents  the  remarkable  transitions  in  the  fortunes  of  his  hero.  in 
»  manner  which,  though  often  startling,  are  yet  within  the  bounds  rf  probability.  Hit 
ialogue  is  good,  growing  easily  out  of  the  situation  and  condition  of  the  interlocutors, 
and  presenting  occasionally,  especially  in  response,  an  epigrammatic  poise,  that  :• 
worthy  of  all  praise.  The  plot  abounds  with  adventure,  and  presents  many  scenes  of 
startling  interest,  while  the  denouement  is  such  as  to  amply  satisfy  the  most  fastidious 
reader'!  ideas  of  poetical  justice.  We  would  add  a  few  woris  of  praise  for  the  excellent 
•tyle  in  which  this  book  is  gotten  up.  It  is  well  printed  on  good  paper,  and  bound  in  a 
manntr.*  to  correspond  with  the  quality  of  its  typography."-  -Arthur's  Home  Gazette. 

"This  is  the  best  of  Mr.  Bennett's  books.  It  is  a  brilliant  and  thrilling  production, 
and  will  particularly  interest  all  who  love  to  read  of  life  in  the  W°»i  and  South-West. 
A  love  story  runs  through  the  volume,  lending  grace  and  finish  to  it.  Mr.  Peterson  hits 
issued  the  book  in  very  handsome  style;  the  type  is  new  and  of  honest  size,  the  binding 
is  strong  and  pretty,  the  paper  is  firm  and  white,  and  the  embellishments  are  eminently 
creditable.  Clara  Moreland  should  command  a  large  sale." — Philadelphia  City  Item. 

"On  looking  more  carefully  through  this  racy,  spirited  narrative  of  thrilling  scenes 
and  well-told  adventures,  we  meet  with  beauties  that  escape  a  casual  observation.  Mr. 
Bennett  is  a  keen  discoverer  of  character,  and  paints  his  portraits  so  true  to  nature  an 
to  carry  the  reader  with  him  through  all  his  wild  wanderings  and  with  unabated 
interest  The  author  of  '  Clara  Moreland'  takes  rank  among  the  most  popular  Amei  i- 
can  novelists,  and  aided  by  the  great  energy  of  hie  publisher  is  fast  becoming  a  general 
favorite." — McMacldn's  Model  Saturday  Courier. 

"  Emerson  Bennett  has  written  some  very  creditable  productions.  This  is  one  of  IMS 
longest,  and  is  well  received.  Mr.  Bennett  is  a  favorite  author  with  Western  reader;). 
It  is  illustrated  and  well  printed." — Philadelphia  Dollar  Newspaper. 

"  It  is  a  tale  of  wild  border  life  and  exciting  incident,  bustle,  and  turmoil." — Phihi' 
delphia  North  American. 

"  Mr.  Bennett  is,  in  some  measure,  a  new  man  in  this  section  of  the  universe,  and.  >\n 
such,  our  reading  public  are  bound  to  give  him  a  cordial  greeting,  not  only  for  this,  l.'it 
for  the  sake  of  that  widespread  popularity  which  he  has  achieved  in  the  mighty  WeM., 
and  more  especially  for  the  intrinsic  excellence  that  distinguishes  his  glowing,  brilliant 
productions,  of  which  'Clara  Moreland'  may  be  pronounced  the  best." — Philadelpfit.fi 
Saturday  Courier. 

"This  work  is  of  the  most  exciting  character,  and  will  be  enjoyed  by  all  who  have  a 
cultivated  taste." — Baltimore  Xun. 

'•  The  scene  of  this  intx-restipj:  Romance  lies  in  Texas  before  or  during  the  late  w;>r 
with  Mexico.  It  is  written  with  a  great  deal  of  spirit ;  it  abounds  in  stirring  incident* 
and  adventures,  has  a  good  love-plot  interwoven  with  it,  and  is  in  many  respeot-  a 
faithful  representation  of  Life  in  the  Far  South-West.  Mr.  Rennett  is  destined  to  er  ;tt 
popularity,  especially  at  the  South  and  West.  His  publisher  has  issued  this  book  in  a 
very  handsome  style." — Philarlelnhvi  firming  Bulletin. 

"'This  is  a  thrilling  Ptory  of  frontier  life,  full  of  incident,  and  graphically  sketched. 
It  is  published  in  a  ^<x)d  style."— Philadelphia  Public  Ledger. 

"  This  is  a  spirited  narrative  of  stirring  scones,  by  Emerson  Bennett  Those  who  lore 
during  adventure  and  hair-breadth  escapes  will  find  it  an  engaging  book." — Dttr>>\t, 
MicJi.,  Paper. 

"It  is  a  thrilling  narrative  of  South-Western  adventure,  illustrated  by  numerous 
•ngrafings."— Detroit,  Mich.,  Piper. 

"It  is  a  wondrous  story  of  thrilling  adventures  and  hair-breadth  escapes,  the  gfvn« 
of  which  is  laid  in  the  South-West.  The  book  is  illustrated  with  engravings  n»p>w*'ntf 
ing  some  of  the  exciting  evento  narrated  by  the  writer." — Detroit.  Mich.,  Pup+r. 

"It  is  a  work  replete  with  stirring  adventure.  Itotnunce.  incident,  and  accident,  fcit 
Wended  together  t>o  as  to  form  a  highly  interesting  work  of  o34  page-s." — New  York 
•Ficayun* 

hi  sale  »7  T.  R.  PKTERSON. 

Ko.   10*  Chestnut  Street,  Philadelphia. 


FOURTEEN  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 


This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 
Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


MAR  1  5  1956  LU 

•to/WTflp 

RECD 

5 

•  , 

General  Library 


DOE  STICKS'     LETTERS. 

BY  Q.  K.  PHILANDER  BOESTICKS,  O. 

AUTHOR  OF  "PLU-RI-BUS-TAH,"   "THE  ELEPHANT  CLUB."    "THE  WITCHES  AND 
PLANET  READERS  OF  KJiW  YORK."    ETC,,  ETC. 

m~ 


Coiuplete     in    t-»vo     volumes,   paper    cover,    Price    One    Dollar}    or 
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Copies  will  be  sent  Free   of  Postage,  on  receipt  of  the  price,  addressed  to 
the  Publishers,  T.  B.  PETERSON  &  BUOTHEES, 

306  Chestnut  Street,  Pliilatlelphia.C 

__ .  — yacjfo 


A  SC 


AUTH 


Thomson.   II 
— Plu-ri 


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T484 

plu 


=^D© 

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THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


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